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Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice
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MENDEZWARD posted:
Well i've been heare before, sometime last year i caught my husband txtin some female; so i got the number and txted her. She informed me that my husband told her we weren't together any more and all this crap; sending pix of his member. So when i told her who i was she was like ok, she doesn't have time for a lying as married man, and that was that. He apologized and claim he would never do it agian. Now i just had his baby; 3month old boy. And he's txting some different females; well a few from his past. Idon't know if he's attention seeking or what. I just know thru out the pregnancy its been tough, struggling to find time for one another. Yet he has the nerve to say trust him, why don't I trust him, the marriage will never work unless i trust him. I'm just thinking to myself " do you take me for a fool." Still don chat sites; what person do you know that has 700 friends on fb; I mean really. I'm trying to figure out what to do next. He works retail and i believ he is txting a customer from what i seen in his phone. So..... any suggestions?
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rohvannyn responded:
The only solution I see is to be up front. I know that's tough at times. Nearly impossible for me, actually. But the only way I can see for a resolution is to basically say "I know you are texting other women. Are you committed to our relationship? Can we talk about how to make it better for both of us so you don't feel the need to do that?"

A working marriage needs effort from both parties. A new baby can put your marriage under a lot of strain but you can overcome that if you are both committed to working together. Him running around behind your back won't help that. If you explain this to him and he decides he actually values the marriage you might be able to turn it around.

I'm sure others have more insightful suggestions. I wish you the best.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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fcl responded:
Trust has to be earned. What has he done to earn your trust? Rather than texting other women, why isn't he texting his wife?

Does he see you as a team? How does he feel about the baby? Does he take care of the baby too? Or does he see him as a nuisance?

Finally, I really like what Rohvannyn said. All of it.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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MENDEZWARD replied to fcl's response:
@FCL He loves his son to death, and he spends time with him, take him to daycare. I can't say that i physicaly caught him in the act of going to see someone bu he's been making plans to. So i don't know exactl when I should just come right out with it. We been thru this once, yet he probably think I won't check his lphone anymore. Not!!!!!!! Its like he makes it easy for me to find. He has a laptop, tablet, and don't forget his phone, but he holds on tight to it.
 
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rohvannyn replied to MENDEZWARD's response:
I'm glad he loves his son and helps out. If you aren't in an open relationship though, texting other women in the way that you describe is worrisome and indicates (at least to me) a lack of commitment to you.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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fcl replied to MENDEZWARD's response:
Your best bet is probably to bring this up after the baby's asleep and to do it calmly. You want to know what he is looking for with other women, what he feels he is missing out on that he needs to do this.

It sounds very much like an addiction to me, as if it were compulsive. Have you considered counselling? If he refuses to go, go by yourself. It will help you decide where your priorities lie and where you want to go from here.

I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with this - life is hard enough with a new baby without this on top of it.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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MENDEZWARD replied to fcl's response:
@FCL I agree with you as far as it being a addiction. He's a chip off the old block. His father was a piece of work, i don't know if he's still is due to him being older now. The crazy thing about that is his mother still loves him, but they have been divorced for a while now. His mom even told me he similar to his dad, a red flag should have came up then, but I thought he would be different. I will try and talk to him but its hard not to be mad because as soon as i do he's going to say "well why are you still going threw my things." I can just picture how it's going down even if i casually bring it up.
 
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fcl replied to MENDEZWARD's response:
OK, here's an idea. Next time he says that you should trust him say "OK, prove to me that I can trust you now - show me your phone/email/etc."
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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MENDEZWARD replied to fcl's response:
I will do that, and come back and tell you how it went.
 
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MENDEZWARD replied to MENDEZWARD's response:
What if he doesn't give it to me? Should i snatch it? I intend on texting all his female contacts. That's only if I get the phone.
 
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fcl replied to MENDEZWARD's response:
If he doesn't give it to you then I would consider that a admission of guilt. There's no point snatching it. I would simply walk away and decide whether I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone who has no respect for me.

I wouldn't bother texting any of his female contacts - that won't do any good. It would take you ages, cost you grief and he'll probably just find others to text ...

I'd insist he got help with his addiction though.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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