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    Anger Can Be Good for Your Relationship
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    People often try to avoid being angry with those closest to them. But in doing this, they sometimes miss some valuable information. Anger is a sign that something in their relationship is wrong and needs attention. So, while it's not at all helpful to blast someone with your anger, it can be very helpful to get in touch with your anger, understand what's triggering it, and talk it through with the person who's upsetting you.

    How have you dealt with anger in your relationships? What ways have you found to use your anger to improve them? Or, how has it been more of a destructive force?

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.

    dfromspencer responded:
    Wow, good question!!! At first, when i was much younger, i let anger get the better of me. None of my relationships with girls from high school lasted any length of time. I would get angry with them just for talking to another boy. Jealousy. I found out i was a very jealous person, still am, a little. I have always felt that, if you are with someone, you are with that someone, and no one else! It took me awhile, but i finally realised that, just because you talk to someone else, you are not wanting to be with that someone else.

    From that jealsousy i learned that, Trust was another issue for me.I failled to trust those i was with. Which led to jealousy, and therefor, the anger.

    Once i realised what was causing my anger, i could talk to whoever i was with, and that helped tremendously! I went from destructive relationships, to long lasting ones. A loving, trusting relationship is the only way to go!

    Thanks, Dr. Becker-Phelps!!!

    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Dennis, Thanks for that thoughtful response! So often, people let anger get the best of them. Your response is truly to the point of this discussion (and the related blog ); getting to know your anger can unlock much about yourself and lead to personal and relationship growth.
    dfromspencer replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Hi, Dr. Becker-Phelps

    That is exactly right! I would let my anger get to me so easily. Once i found out i was the jealous type, i could then tell my new girlfriend, and she would help me with that. All it took was, finding i was jealous, and that was the cause of my anger. To this day, i wish i knew what caused jealousy in humans? Why jealousy? Is that healthy? I can't see how being jealous could help in any relationship? It has to be about trust. I had to learn to trus my G.F.'s.

    I lost that trust, again, with my ex-wife. It has taken me a very long time to get past that, and learn to trust again. So far, i've let my heart go to two women, both last year. They both told me how much they loved me, only to drop me like a bad habbit. Once i tell them some of my past transgressions, thats it. Can no one judge you for who you are today, and only judge you for what once happened twenty years ago? That is why i stay single, and do not date much, or even try to find friends. Everybody is so judgemental!

    Sorry, this was supposed to be a short response to your response!

    Take care!!!

    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Not everyone is that judgmental. If you don't already have people in your life who are accepting of you as you are (past and all), I do hope you find those people -- and, if you wish, a very special someone. You take care, too.

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