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Small issue blown out of proportion
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An_248371 posted:

Hi all,



I have a guy friend that I typically see every weekend. We have been hanging out for a little over a year. Neither one of us has officially asked each other if we are boyfriend or girlfriend, but we text on a regular basis and see each other on the weekends. We do not call each other pet names either. He lives about 45 minutes — an hour away from me and typically comes out to see me as he doesn't mind the drive.



Last Friday night he texted me wanting to hang out because he wanted to be intimate. I told him no because I was tired, just wanted to go to bed as I was going to be leaving early the next morning for a road trip out of state. I haven't heard from him since! He didn't wish me a nice, safe trip, just 9 days of absolutely nothing!



I haven't initiated any conversation either during this time because I feel like I do not have anything to apologize for. I feel that he was being ridiculous for getting mad at me over that. Why was it such a big deal that he had to have that that night?



I can't help but feel like I'm just a piece of meat or something? In fact, that is one of my struggles. I don't give myself up easily because I want to be respected, I don't want to feel like I'm just something to do. I have not given myself to this guy (even though he asks me when I will) but we have been intimate in other ways.



Is there anyone else out there that has issues with being intimate because they question how genuine the other person is in their feelings for them? What is your take on him getting mad over this intimacy situation?



Thank you in advance. J






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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I'm wondering if he expressed anger or if you just assumed it. With no response from him, it's hard to know what's going on; though I can certainly understand you feeling hurt and angry (especially given that I think you are "just a piece of meat" to him).

Some people in this situation choose to just move on. Many others feel that they need to talk it through - and so would talk to him about this. If you do talk with him, I suggest that you ask him what happened and what he's thinking. If you think there is any chance of working this out with him, you will also want to share your thoughts and feelings about this situation and your relationship in general. It's through dialogue like this that relationships grow to be more emotionally intimate (so that you can nurture a sense of you both be feeling that you are truly there for each other); or you learn that you are not right for each other.

I wish you well with this.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Yeah, i have to go with what the Doctor said. If you really need to know, then call him. I think you should just move on, it looks like he did? You said you were not sexually intimate with him, yet he acted this way? Hmm, maybe he thought he put more into his relationship than you did?

I, myself, want to know that i am in love, befor i make love to that person! If thats not good enough, too bad! I approve of everyone being like this! If we don't start with love, where will we end up?

I wish you all the best!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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An_248371 replied to dfromspencer's response:
His attitude is that we've been hanging out for over a year and we have done everything else but intercourse so why can't we just do it already, you will enjoy it... We are in our late twenties so maybe that has something to do with his attitude too? It's like that aspect is VERY important to guys that its easy to get into an argument over it? Maybe more so if the guy is in his twenties?

Other than this tiff, we would text practically everyday and spend time together on the weekends. He never wants me to pay for our dinner or movie even when I try to.

I'm guessing that if I text him he would respond to me.. He's the passive aggressive type that ignores someone when mad as opposed to blowing up. I just kinda wanted him to text me first...

In general I don't have good relationships with guys so its hard for me to believe the i can be in one. My last ex (and first) told me sweet things, complimented me then left me making me feel like it was all a lie. The guy (thats ignoring me now) doesnt tell me im pretty or anything like that but seems to always make himself available whether it be spending the day with me or answering my text messages.

Thank you for listening.
 
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darlyn05 replied to An_248371's response:
How much do you know about each other? Have you ever been to his place, where he lives? Where and how did you two meet? Have you ever spoken over the phone to one another? When you say you spend most every week-end hanging out do you mean like a Fri. or Sat. afternoon?
 
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An_248371 replied to darlyn05's response:
We met through a previous job we both had. I know where he lives. He's been to my house a couple times to go to a couple of times. We usually would start a Saturday with going out to lunch and following that day with a movie or maybe dinner too.

I guess we both are having a stubborn streak right now. I felt like he should apologize or at least text me first but who knows he could be thinking the same about me.

He told me he like me like twice but that was it. It's he's not the romantic type which I like romance. Yet at the same time, it's hard for me to take any guy seriously just been kinda fed up with guys.
 
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dfromspencer replied to An_248371's response:
This is very sad! Don't be fed up with guys, just because you've had two bad experiences with them. You are still young, don't rush it. Love will find you, and when it does, you will know it!!!

This guy you were with this time, do not give in and call him! He is the one that started this, so, let him be the one to call, or not! As I said befor, I think you need to move on? This guy is interested in one thing, and one thing only, sex. How many dates does it take for you to know its time to have sex? How many dates did you two go on? Most guys will give a girl three dates, then expect at least a kiss. Four or more, and its sex time. I'm older now, so for me, I will give the lady plenty of time to make up her mind about me. Younger guys, myself included, did not want to wait long for sex. Perhaps that's the reason he's acting this way? Please don't give in, its your body, and its your life! Not his to take, yours to give, hopefully once your in love.

You need romance in your life, and not just for a couple of weekends. Romance should be a lifetime, once you're in love, that is, and get married. If you need romance, seek it, and you will find it. There is someone out there that will give it to you, just be patient!

I hope you understand some of what i'm saying? Please don't short change yourself for this guy. There are romantic men out there, I am one. I was not always romantic, but I learned my lesson. I love romance, I love to give it, and love to receive it! So, demand what you want, and don't sell yourself short, its your life!!!

I wish you all the best!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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