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In Desperate need of help ASAP!!!!!
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brandyhansen82 posted:
I appologize ahead of time if this discussion is not the correct place and appreciate guidance on where to go for help if I am in the wrong spot.

I have been living with anxiety and depression for alot of my life. I am able to manage it sucessfully on and off medication. But right now my concern is not for me, it is for my husband. Please read on and then comment with any suggestions, thank you.

My husband recently became VERY obcessed with some videos on YouTube and articles on the web that point to the collapse of our enconomy this year. He is completely convinced that the dollar will hyperinflate and marshal law will be enacted. He wants to invest in precious metals, stock up on food and water, and save every dime we can. The other thing is that he would like to stop our infertility treatments. We are in the throws of starting IVF to have a baby and he wants to stop NOW. He is fearful of bringing of baby into a country in a great depression.
To give you a bit more history, my husband on several ocasions obsessed over the fact that he could lose his job. He would read inbetween the lines when interacting with his boss and was highly convinced he would be fired. This never occurred of course. His other more recent obsession was the Fukushima incident. He watched videos and read articles that convinced him that a radiation cloud was coming over the ocean and would radiate our food sources and eventually kill us all.
He has also been obsessed with his health. Everytime he has a flutter in his chest, he overreacts, thinking he needs medical intervention. Mind you, he has NO history of heart disease and is very healthy overall.

Over the past 5 years, my husband has became increasingly more paranoid about things and I feel he has anxiety. He has been offered medication but refuses to take it. His father suffered through Lewy Body Dementia. I am scared that this could be his future. Is this paranoia, anxiety, and obsession signs of this?

Right now, with his economy fears, he has put a wedge between us. I am VERY angry with him. He has put off our infertility treatments many times before with his paranoia and fears. I had a loss at 15 weeks 3 years ago. I am READY to do this again. It seems as if he is trying to self sabatoge our efforts each time we get close.

My other fear that this may be an unending cycle. If not the radiation, his job, his health, or the economy...then what next?

My own anxiety is starting to act up horribly. My hands are shakey, my legs are weak, and my body is in pain.

I am at a loss as to where to go from here. I am SOOOO very close to starting IVF again. I have put my foot down that we are NOT stopping. But am I making matters worse? I never stand up for myself and I am always caring for others. For once I feel I should make my needs and wants known first.

My friends, his family, and me all feel he needs counseling and medication. But he won't listen.

Any thoughts or advice on anything in this would be greatly appreciated. Cause right now my marriage is on the rocks and I don't think my emotional well being can take much more.
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tmlmtlrl responded:
First, I want to tell you that as a woman I completely understand how you're feeling about having a baby.

Please take into consideration the state of your marriage and your husband's mental health at this moment in time. It really doesn't sound like a healthy time to be getting pregnant. I can only imagine the amount of resentment that is building because of that factor.

Then there's everything he's going through. Sounds like he is tormenting himself. I wish I had a good answer. Sometimes we have to take things like this with a grain of salt and not let it overwhelm our minds (referring to him). He needs to understand that whether things fall apart or not he needs to keep on living.

Could you two come up with a compromise? Maybe agree to have a certain level of preparation for "the end". I know that's only one factor.

I'm thinking that if you could get the pregnancy factor out of your mind for say the next 3 months and focus more on him understanding that you love him and are trying to help him that maybe you could get a positive response.

He sounds certifiable by what you've said and that has to be a scary place to be. I can imagine he believes everyone including you is against him. But you are the one person that could potentially get him to relax and listen and go get some help.

I know you want a baby and I really hope that will work out for you. If you can take that part of the stress and tension out of the picture for a minute maybe you guys could get him better. I don't know. I do know that if you do the best you can that you will know that you did and you will know then if you should be having a baby with him or maybe moving on with your life.

I really don't think you're going to want to be stressed and going through heck while pregnant and then bring a baby into a situation that is so unsteady and possibly need to leave your husband. Not when there is a possibility to have a happy pregnancy and a healthy life to offer a child.

I'm not saying that him being better is on your shoulders. I'm just trying to say that with where he's at right now that it sounds like your best answer for the long run is to do what you can to help him take the next steps. Not saying you should enable him either. Maybe start out by going to see a counselor by yourself and potentially get him to join you later?
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
You and your husband seem to both be suffering greatly. I definitely hear that he is resistant to counseling, but the situation you describe begs for it. I don't know how you've approached the idea of counseling with him, but maybe you can try a different approach? If he won't go for individual therapy, might he agree to go for couple therapy (since this is affecting your relationship)? You might also want to go into individual therapy to address your growing anxiety, as well as work in more personally than you can do here on the situation with your husband.
 
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rohvannyn replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
One small thought. Though it sounds like your husband has some major issues that need to be looked at, I can't blame him for at least part of his paranoia. There are some awful things going on in the world right now and if anyone tries to gloss over that and pretend those events don't exist, he is probably going to label them "enemy" and not listen at all. Do your best to understand where he is coming from, at least in part. Given the state of your relationship I would think waiting for the baby would be a better idea too, but that's not my decsion. Also, a little emergency preparedness is a good idea for anyone, so perhaps you can meet in the middle?
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi

I have a brother that is the same way, everyone is the enemy, we all owe him something, etc. etc... However, this brother of mine, has always been a little out there, even as kids. You say your husband has recently been acting strange, don't wait for it to get worse. If you think it may be the best way to procede, have him commited. That way, he would get counseling wheather he wanted it or not, and also meds if needed? If you ask me, from what you posted, he sounds like he may become a danger to himself, or worse, a danger to you? If you have a family member, or a good friend who has observed this behavior, and you both agree, you can have him commited. Bear in mind, that may only last three days, I think 72 hours is max, but if the docs agree, he may stay for awhile??? This is only if you feel he may be a danger. Otherwise, try and make him see that you only care about helping him, and you would like him to go to counseling with you.

I wish you all the best!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Mamihlapinatapai responded:
Your husband is mentally ill. That's nothing to be ashamed of. He needs help. Make an appointment with a psychologist ASAP.


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