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    Dennis :)
    tmlmtlrl posted:
    Hi there! How have you been?

    I've debated on whether or not to post this for awhile but here it goes..

    How have you been handling Joe being gone? Have you been in touch with his daughters at all? Did things manage to go smoothly as possible afterwards with his daughters?

    I just want you to know that I still think about you two. Maybe you can tell us a happy memory/story about you and Joe? I'd love to hear one.

    Here's why I had the strength to ask: an ex boyfriend of mine had a dog that he LOVED. If you've ever had a pet like that then you understand. Anyhow, the dog got hit by a car and died. As time passed I would bring up the dog and things it would do and such. It really had a powerful impact on me when one day the ex very sincerely thanked me for talking so openly about his dog, his friend he loved so much. He said other people seemed afraid to talk about him and acted like he never existed and that bothered him.

    So, not to in any way relate Joe to a dog, I've been thinking of him and you and wonder if your loss has been being treated the same way. We definitely shy-ed away from bringing it up on this board. I think mostly because this is where people can come and talk about what THEY want to talk about, so we wait. But I also know you don't have a lot of people you are close to in your regular life so it seems more likely to me that people wouldn't bring him up to you.

    So gosh, I really hope this all came out the best way possible and that you receive it in the context I'm trying to send it in!

    And please, since we're here now anyways, can you share a story about your very best friend?

    Take care Dennis
    dfromspencer responded:
    Hi again, Tmlmtlrl

    I am so glad you wrote back, your concern touched me deeply! You have made me cry, again. Just the fact that you remembered my friend, touches me so deep, thank you!!!

    Why yes, I would love to tell you a story of my best friend!!!

    One day, while we were still living in Omaha, I was sitting there, wondering how I would be able to come up with enough money to buy some cigarettes? Well, come about one in the afternoon, when I was about to smoke my last cigarette, Joe comes knocking at my door. Now, you have to remember, he lived about four miles from me, and we had no car. He walked all the way down to my place, to say he wanted to help me buy some cigs. He had been working for the city, picking up trash in the neighborhoods around where he lived. He didn't make much money, but he had found some while working, and wanted to help me. ME. Not himself, but me. Can you believe the good heart he had? Then, when I told him I would walk up to the store with him, he would have none of that. He knew what a hard time I had with walking. He told me to sit right there, and he would be right back. He walked the two miles to the store, and bought me some cigarettes. Then walked back. He stayed till supper time, then walked the four miles back home.

    (Sorry, I had to cry again, just thinking about him)

    That was my buddy, for you! Selfish, was not in his vocabulary! I'll even tell you this, one winter, I had not worn my coat to go see him. He made me wear his new one home. Then told me to keep it, as it was too big for him., and fit me perfectly. Hmmm, I always had to wonder if he purchased that one too big on purpose? He even asked me if I wanted an extra pair of soxs to wear home, that day. (Crying again)

    I really loved that guy!!! He was more a brother to me, than my own brother's. I'll never stop missing him!

    Oh, yes, everything went pretty smoothly. There was more people that came, than I thought there would be. I even talked his ex-boss into coming. My oldest brother went with me, for moral support, I suppose? His daughters and I get along pretty well. I still see them regularly. I even had some coffee dates with his ex-wife, for a couple of weeks after. His oldest daughter asked me a month ago, if I would like to go to the gravesite with her some weekend? I told her I was going that weekend, if she would like that? She said yes, but never showed up. I just recently asked her again, she said yes, but never showed up. I left the invitation open, so we'll see, I guess? I go every chance I get, just to talk to him. I don't know if he can hear me or not? But, I talk to him anyway.

    Now, how about your B.F.F.? Has she quit smoking yet? I hope the answer to that, is yes? How have you been? I have not seen you posting here for awhile now? I sincerely hope all is well, or as well as can be, with you???

    Thank you, soooo much for thinking of me, and my best friend!!! You are the only one who has mentioned him. I see what you mean, about your friend and his dog. Some must think its taboo or something, eh???

    Please take good care of yourself, and write soon. I would really like to hear back from you!!!


    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
    I'm so glad that tmlmtlrl asked you about this; and that you did share this. Remember, Dennis, you can share here anytime. We are here to listen and support you. So, if you want to share more about Joe- now or at any time- please do just that.
    tmlmtlrl replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Hi Dennis,

    Good to hear back from you! You know, I think the answer to the taboo part is exactly related to your response: "You made me cry". I believe people don't want to be responsible for making someone else cry, or just reliving something that makes them cry at a time that they aren't expecting it. Know what I mean? I guess I took it upon myself to believe that it's ok, if not good, to revisit those thoughts and have another good cry once in awhile. The more taboo part being I invoked that in you instead of you creating your own scenario.

    Thank you for the stories! It makes me smile to hear you speak of Joe, and to know what an awesome person he was. Anyone is blessed to be any part of the life of a person like Joe!

    I'm so happy to hear that you are still in touch with his daughters. I think that's wonderful. You carry a part of Joe with you (as do they), and even though I think that's a healthy reason for you to be around them it's also a reason some people disconnect themselves from certain people after someone has passed. And don't worry, his daughter will come around to joining you at the cemetery when she's ready.

    As for me, things have been going very well. Actually to the point that I feel guilty and don't really share much. My best friend has been going through some of the hardest trials of her life right now and I'm 100's of miles away. It makes it all very hard for me to be helpful. But I digress.

    Take care
    dfromspencer replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Thank you, Dr. Becker-Phelps

    I am so glad she asked, also!!! Its true, I still miss Joe so much!!! I keep wanting to tell myself that, this is not fair. What is fair? Life has never really been fair, at least I don't think so???

    The only thing I have left, is life. I keep slogging along, hoping for something better, knowing it will never come!

    Thanks again!!!

    dfromspencer replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    Thank you, again!!!

    I feel so sad for you! Your best friend needs you, and you need her, and you are too far apart!!! Life can be cruel, sometimes!!! I hope she makes it through the quitting process!!! I have my Wellbutran now, I hope it works like advertised? If it helps me to quit smoking, then it has done its job! Plus, if it helps me to feel better, then, GREAT!!!

    I hope you don't blame yourself for me crying? It touched my heart so deeply, that you cared about my feelings, and Joe, enough to ask me. I thank YOU, for that!!! I still cry for Joe, even at awkward times, you know? Its ok! I keep longing for the day, when I no longer cry, and smile instead!

    I for one, am happy about your being blessed! As long as you are happy, life can't get much better, right? Keep the good things going!!!

    Thank you sooo much!!! Please take care!!!


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