Skip to content

    Announcements

    Exciting News for WebMD Members!

    We've been busy behind the scenes building new message boards for you. You'll have new and easier ways to find messages, connect with others, and share your stories.

    And, this will all be available on your smartphone or other mobile device!

    What Do You Need to Do?

    The message board you're used to will be closing in the coming weeks. While many of your boards will be making the move to our new home, your posts will not. Want to keep a discussion going? Save posts you want to continue (this includes your member profile story), so that you can re-post them in the new message boards.

    Keep an eye here and on your email inbox, we'll be back in touch soon to give you all the information you need!


    Yours in health,
    WebMD Message Boards Management

    Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
    Repairing Relationship Problems
    avatar
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    All emotionally intimate relationships include times when the partners don't connect or are at odds with each other. So, repairing the connection at those times is essential for the relationship to continue to be safe; and it even strengthens the relationship.


    The best way to do this is to focus on your feelings, such as hurt, angry, or sad. Identify as many emotions as you can. The idea here is to make you (not your partner) the center of your awareness. You want to be able to say to your partner, "When you did ______, it made me feel _______." But, be mindful of focusing on your feelings and keeping your comments about your partner's actions brief.


    How you tend to approach your partner when problems arise between you is based on a way of relating that you learn as early as when you are an infant. To learn more about this, see my most recent blog entry for The Art of Relationships .


    Have you tried to do this in your relationships? How has it worked for you? What difficulties did you find in doing it?




    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.


    Reply
     
    avatar
    dfromspencer responded:
    Hi, Dr. Becker-Phelps

    I have used this sort of thing in my past relationships, and it works most of the time. When it didn't, I found that it was hard to keep emotions in check, both sides. Someone would get upset, and say something uncalled for, and then a new argument would erupt.

    Like I said, for the most part, this works. Try to not come on too strong, tho!!

    Thank you!

    Dennis
    LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
     
    avatar
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Your suggestion to not come on too strong is most definitely essential in this, so thanks for adding it.
     
    avatar
    urfaveflower responded:
    I agree completely. I had hit a rough patch recently with my significant other, and we've done just this very thing you suggested and its made our bond stronger, if not "bullet-proof." Thank you for letting others know that sometimes all it takes to work it out is complete disclosure (in a delicate way, as Dennis so appropriately stated).


    Featuring Experts

    Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

    Helpful Tips

    Same thing here
    My boyfriend use to hold me as we slept, now it is i have to hold him or he wants to hold hands. The intamcy is not like it use to be and ... More
    Was this Helpful?
    1 of 3 found this helpful

    Related Drug Reviews

    • Drug Name User Reviews

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.