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Art of Relationships:
What If My Partner Doesn't Share My Faith?
Why Avoiding Conflict Can Cause Problems

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In-laws a bit too helpful! Advice?
blossom_dearie posted:
DH is a stay-at home father to DS (13 months old). My MIL comes over every weekday to help him and to spend time with DS, and FIL comes along 1-2 times per week (both are retired). This is very helpful to DH, because DS is very active and still not sleeping through the night. With his parents coming over, DH is able to take a nap, and he also uses their car to run errands. MIL often brings food, and does the dishes etc. DS also benefits greatly from having loving grandparents to play with and learn from.

My only concern in this seemingly ideal situation is, how do I get them them leave once I am home? I get home at 4:30 but they always stick around till 5:30 or 6.

My MIL, especially, seems very reluctant to leave. Sometimes, FIL will say "let's go" ... but she says no, we'll stay and feed DS his dinner. If DH or I protest that we can feed him his dinner, she says "it's ok, I can do it". If I take DS out for a walk or to the playground, she comes along. I think it's a combination of wanting to help us, and also enjoying DS's company and perhaps not having enough hobbies to fill her time at home.

I don't want to seem ungrateful; however I want more 1:1 time with my child. I'd like to feed him his dinner or take him for a walk on my own. Also, I'm a private person and would just like to come home to DH and DS. The other thing is, I often feel that DS is not as attached to me as to his father and grandparents, and maybe more 1:1 time would help that.

I want to tread very carefully here so as not to hurt their feelings. Also, obviously, the whole situation is very beneficial to DH so I don't want to ruin that for us!

Note that we don't pay them for any of this (though we sometimes help out financially when there is a need), so I feel really bad complaining about this. Should I just suck it up?

Thanks in advance for any advice!
dfromspencer responded:
No, you don't just suck it up!!! This is YOUR family, not the grandparents. You need to talk to your husband, get him on the same page, then talk to the Grandparents. You need to let them know how you feel, and that you need more one on one with your son. If they have any sense, they will respect your wishes.

Remember, this is YOUR family, not theirs! Tell them how much you appreciate their help, but once you get home, YOU are the one taking over!!! Just be gentle, and hopefully, they will get the message!!!

Good luck!!!

rohvannyn replied to dfromspencer's response:
Agreed with Dennis... Definitely talk to your husband about it. When you do talk to your in-laws, I'd reccommend starting out by letting them know how grateful you are for their help and then talking about things from the standpoint of wanting a stronger relationship with your husband and child. If they feel validated and understand why you feel the way you do, I would think there would be less chance of hurt feelings.

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
An_251552 responded:
do not worry a lot they are parents too. they must understand what you are going through

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