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    What is the proper way to handle this?
    Anon_11642 posted:
    Hi - I was visiting with our nephew's girlfriend the other day about a birthday surprise party for him on May 6 as I offered to make a cake and surprise him - she mentioned I could bring dessert and come for a cookout as his 2 daughters are wanting to do this. Then, his mother is also now thinking about what to do for him which she mentioned in her email to me. Anyway, my son got an email invitation last night to come for a cookout. I figured they decided and will get an invitation too but I did not get an email.

    I don't know if she thinks she already told me about it but I do hate to ask - our nephew's mother said she would play it by ear and I did email both of them for them to figure it out and whatever they decide is fine with me as I am just an aunt and dont want to interfere.

    Now, at odds at what is proper to do - If I am not contacted what do I do - I don't want to invite myself but yet am thinking the girlfriend and I did discuss this - don't want to be forward.

    What is the proper way to handle this? Thanks for your help and will ck to see if anyone answers this.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    I don't think there is any formal etiquette around situations like this. If I'm understanding you correctly, you were invited to be part of putting this together (or at least bringing some food to it). Given that and the fact that your son got an email invitation, it makes sense that you might want to talk with them (as diplomatically as you can). I say this with the caveat that you might decide to proceed differently if there are other parts of this situation that would make you think they might have left you out intentionally.
    rohvannyn replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    If it were me I might give a quick email saying something like "do you still want me to bring a dessert?" and let the ball be in their court.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
    dfromspencer responded:
    His girlfriend already invited you, by telling you to bring a dessert. If you are still not sure, send an e-mail like Roh suggested.

    Talk to them, like Dr. Becker-Phelps said. There is another way, ask your son to ask his cousin?

    Hope this helps, and was what you were looking for?

    Good luck!!!

    sluggo45692 responded:
    I agree with Rohvannyn. It's also a suprise for the nephew so I wouldn't ask my son to talk to him about it. I would always make sure they wanted me to make an item before I show up with a double they already paid for. As for being invited, unless your a bad "just an aunt", I sure your nephew would like to see his aunt on his birthday. I know I like seeing mine. It's doesn't sound like a snubbing, just a missed/mis communication. With family, it's always better to forgive accidents than jump to conclusions. Alway remember what assume stands for.

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