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ive never stopped a relationship, how do i, and live with it..
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needingalifeNOW posted:
ok, i am 45. I have never stopped a relationship. they have usually all ended because something bad happened, like 2 boyfriends cheated, so we ended at that time. One moved away, so it ended. I have a boyfriends, and i LOVE love love the attention, but i know he lies, and hes got several other things that i just dont want in my life. I love his talks, we can talk for hours, and he calls or texts me all the time. AND after years of no attention, its what i need, crave, and its like a bad drug. I just am getting tired and in the back of my mind, i have flags about him, I care greatly for him, but have been thinking of calling it off. i know he can handle it, but what do i do, how do i say it, i'm NO good at confrontation and i have never hurt someones feelings. how do i go on, without his constant calls, my need for attention from a man? is it hard to move on?
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dfromspencer responded:
First, you need to think more positively. Then, just tell him how you feel, be honest, but be as gentle as you can.

As for your being needy, put yourself out there, have some fun. Do those things you always wanted to, but couldn't befor. Make this time, all about you. Try loving living alone, for awhile. If you need to talk all the time, call your girlfriends.

You don't really need all that attention from a man, if you did, you would have low self esteem. Maybe that's what you have? Do you feel depressed? You can get past this, I know you can!!!

Good luck, take care!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
People often find it helpful to prepare themselves ahead of time before they end a relationship. It can help to talk with supportive friends about the situation, make plans to spend time with friends (especially at first), and be actively involved in activities that you enjoy and find rewarding. If you think you'll be tempted to re-unite even when you think it's not healthy, prepare for that, too. Ask for support from friends. Write out why you think it's best to end the relationships and refer to this in moments of weakness. I can also help to remind yourself that "this, too, shall pass."

Once prepared, it is often best to talk with your partner as honestly, but diplomatically, as you can about why you are ending it. There will be emotional pain on both sides; it can help to acknowledge that you cannot prevent this. However, you can minimize the pain by not holding out false hopes.

Good luck. And, please feel free to come back to this community for support.
 
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AgEagle responded:
To start with, you already know that you are in a "toxic" relationship and it is unhealthy for you. Recognizing that and acknowledging that is really the hardest part. That said, you will need to confront this head on; tell your significant other that you have noticed issues in the relationship and that you have decided it is best for both of you to end it now. You don't have to be "confrontational" in the sense that you will be making a personal attack against him; just lay out the problem areas without assigning blame but state how YOU feel. Then you will need to explain that it needs to be a clean break, that you do not feel comfortable maintaining contact after this discussion.

Will it hurt? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Will you feel like you have a hole in your life? Yes. Should you seek counseling from a trained professional? Yes. But these are all things that you need to do for yourself to get yourself back on track and find yourself a healthy relationship with someone who can be a gentleman, who can communicate well with you, and who will respect you and your feelings (no, you will not find someone who will agree with you on all things; but, they can respect you and how you feel).

You will feel regrets, you will morn the death of the relationship; but staying in it for your desire to have companionship is not worth it. I stayed in a relationship for about 8 years knowing that after the second year that it was not a good relationship but I held on for far too long; that wasn't fair to myself, nor was it fair to my ex-girlfriend. From my experience, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done to break off with her and realize that I was going to be alone for a while. I agree with Dennis that during that time you should get out and enjoy your life as much as you can; make plans with friends or just for yourself and stick to those plans (it is easy to pull out of your plans at the last minute, BUT DON'T DO THAT). It's alright to get out, my way of doing that was to start going to symphonies and chamber performances and I did sometimes make excuses to myself to not go...that's why I'm telling you to go, whether you feel like it at the moment or not.

Take the time to grieve for the death of your relationship, take some time to heal and do some self-discovery. Then, when you have yourself in order; start looking for the right man for you. Receiving and giving attention/love is the best part of living but it needs to be with someone who is not going to drag you down into another toxic relationship.

Take care, and I hope this has helped you.

Mark
 
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sclugsz responded:
it is not hard to move unless u bear in ur mind, that u sticked to that risk thing.. move on, like moving out ur stresses... go on with ur life, think of a good start .
 
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SurrieIsBlest responded:
I'm in the same kind of situation. I was in this relationship for almost eight years, but he didn't was commit and get married, he said i never want to get married. We discussed getting married in the pass! But never proceeded farther. So, I ended the relationship. We keep in touch on the phone and text every once in awhile. I just want to hear his voice sometimes. He been in a relationship with someone for almost four years. He calls me when he's feeling down/low. We still tell each other we miss and love one another. Right now we on the phone and it's been almost four hours in conversation. He's talking to my 20yr old son because he wanted to say hi to him.
 
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SurrieIsBlest replied to AgEagle's response:
Hi Mark! It really helped me! I've been depressed for years after my relationship for almost eight years. I haven't been in a relationship since we departed in 2009. Sad thing is, I want him back! He didn't want to get married and I gave my life to Christ! But, NO regrets! I just miss him so much! We keep in contact sometime to see how each other is doing! My story is above or in reply to her story!


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