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Getting over the past
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An_251840 posted:
I have made a few mistakes in my relationship with my boyfriend and although he has seemingly forgiven me; he cannot forget and is having a really hard time dealing with it years later. i really love him and want to help him get through this because I want to eventually marry him. So is there anything I can do to make this better or even help?
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An_251840 responded:
Also is there anything he can do to try and get over this?
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Talk openly with him, and ask if there is anything you can do to help him rebuild his trust in you? If he sets the perameters, then maybe the effects will be better. It's great that he's forgiven you, but he's not likely to forget unless he gets amnesia. It could be that even asking the question, having a loving, open-hearted talk with him, then listening to what he has to say, may help. I wish you the best.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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dfromspencer responded:
I wish you all the luck in the world, with that!!! I don't know your story completely, but, if you cheated on him, he will never forget. Oh, he may get past it, and forgive you, but forgetting, no way!!!

The best you can do, is what Roh said!

I wish you luck!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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angnev12 replied to dfromspencer's response:
I do not expect him to forget but I just want to move forward. I did not cheat i just did things that made him feel unappreciated or unwanted.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to angnev12's response:
In situations in which a partner has felt unappreciated in the past, it's important that they feel appreciated in the present. In addition, they often need to feel that their partner truly understands their pain over what's happened in the past and is truly remorseful for it. If you haven't done so already, you might want to talk with your boyfriend about these issues.

Also, to move on to a better future together, people who have felt hurt by their partner often need to make a conscious decision to let go of the past hurts and redirect their focus on the present behaviors of their partner (as well as the history of behaviors of their partner since changing for the better). If the hurts feel too big to do this, then that needs to be considered and discussed. Perhaps the relationship cannot be repaired or couple therapy is needed.
 
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Rock_Knutne replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Therapy is good advice.

From what was said it sounds like He has more issues about feeling appreciated than dealing with what seem like may be minor issues that may have hurt him caused by you.

Some therapy for him may help him with his self-esteem and help him grow a thicker skin.

It's a tough world out there. Time to put on the big boy pants and take some responsibility for how he feels.


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