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lost feelings
Chrissy47 posted:
my husband & I have been struggling for years. I'd say after my son was born 8 yrs ago he just detached hisself from me. made me feel like the only reason I was here was to give birth to HIS son. my daughter & him didn't get along which made us not get along even more. I think that after 5 yrs of doing this I just dont' have those kinds of feelings for him. I wanted to get divorced but he kept denying it. I just wanted to be happy & I knew it wouldn't be w/him. after trying to make myself happy, going out doing my own thing. in turn making him wakeup & all the sudden want to be the man that I always wanted him to be, someone who is around, wants to have sex, eat dinner together, you know all the normal things... well now I dont want it. I have been trying for 6 mos now and I just don't feel it. so many things just piss me off too fast... I keep telling him it took him 5 yrs to make me hate him it's gonna take longer for me to start to love him again. but after all this time already I'm starting to think that I never will. is there such a thing as enough is enough and you just can't get back what you once had??? I feel horrible for him and don't want to hurt him, but I am also not feeling this and feel like I'm being fake. my biggest concern always has been and always will be my kids. I will try for them. my daughter moved out when she was 16 cause she didnt' want to be here w/him, that really hurt. so confused & don't know what to do!!! any suggestions would be welcome!!! THANX!!!

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fcl responded:
The question is - do you really want to get those feelings back or are you done with him. To me it sounds like the latter ... Also, you can only change the way you feel, the way you behave. If he considers that you are little more than an unpaid maid and babysitter there isn't anything you can do about it. You can't make him be what he isn't.

Why do you want to continue to make your children miserable? It's no fun living with parents who despise each other. I would have been shocked it my daughter had moved out so young ... Wouldn't you rather have a happy life with your children?

PS - you don't need his permission to get a divorce. Go and file today if that's what you want.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
dfromspencer responded:
No, you will never get those feelings back. You have said it yourself. You no longer have those loving feelings, so get on with your life. It took five years to make you stop loving him? You say it will take longer to get them back, how right you are! You may never again love this man? So what? After what he did, I would never want to see him again, if I were you!!! (yes, I am a man) He pretty much made his bed, now make him lie in it!!!

You don't have to wait on him for a divorce, file and get on with it! I hope you have the resources you will need to relocate, or at least someone to help you? You need to surround yourself with your support group, your friends!!! What ever you do, don't stay there! Even if you want to keep the house, go somewhere else, till the house is awarded to you. Avoid any hassels from him, you know???

I want to wish you all the best!!!


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