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venting about being stood up
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DmndLife1984 posted:
I met a girl who seemed interested, and while I wasn't, I agreed to meet her at a cafe when she suggested that. Again, while I wasn't interested, they say you never know, and maybe I could've met other people through her, widened my social life. In short, it was an opportunity to put myself out there, very few of which I've turned down in life.

We agreed on a time/place the night before, then when I showed up the next day, she didn't. When I asked her about that later on, she said she'd completely forgotten about it. I don't know why she would suggest we meet somewhere, seeming interested in me, only to completely forget about it the very next day.

There's no way she could've been so interested. You can say maybe she was in a car accident, or her grandmother died, or she got fired from her job that day, too embarrassed to tell me, but how likely is any of that? I believe her explanation, in that she suggested and planned to meet with me, but since it wasn't actually so important to her, without anything else earth-shattering in her life at the time, she just forgot about it. You can offer me other theories on why she stood me up that evening without getting in touch with me at all, but how would we ever know if any of that would be the truth over what she told me?

This is another insult to injury for me, where I've posted before about having been rejected by every woman I've made a sincere effort with for 16 years now. You can tell me to talk to a therapist, but what'll he tell me? I was stood up, it's a fact, I feel badly about it because I'm human, and especially with how it's part of a 16-year pattern.

How else could I improve myself that I'm not already up to? I feel like at least one person would've liked me by now. I've had problems, but I have my own place, I make my own money, my voice on the phone got me my job in less than a week when others had to wait more than a month, I'm in better shape every year, I'm hygienic, I have certain skills, I'm not often as pissed off as I might sound on here...Actually, my customers, coworkers, and bosses tell me they feel more calm when I'm around.

The way I've dealt with this so far, is to travel places I used to live or otherwise have strong connections to, whose languages I can make myself understood in, and where prostitution is coincidentally legal (don't ask, it doesn't matter). With how jealous I've been of others, I've liked having people I know jealous of me for a change, whether I stay in a hotel with a wonderful view of a certain city, or rent an apartment in the neighborhood of a certain famous beach, and in either case, end however I spend my days with a different beautiful call girl chauffeured to my door every night, all of whom have been warm and pleasant.

This has been a recent development for me, and yes, I'm looking forward to doing it again soon, but that doesn't change how not one woman has liked me in 16 years. You can tell me maybe there have been, and I just didn't know it, but how would that help me? There's nothing left I can do with a therapist on this. I'm simply very angry at how I continue to be the best I can be, getting better every day, even if very slowly sometime, and that's not been good enough for one person over 16 years.

I do what I do when I travel because I deserve to get some fun out of life, but I am not a selfish person. I recently had an explosive falling out with a friend of mine, leaving me with no local friends left, as I'd had it with how selfish he'd become over the last few years. I like to buy/make gifts out of the blue, based on who a person really is, and if I'm working hard, I like to be distracted if someone I know says s/he needs or would like something.

I don't deserve to be forgotten about and left sitting like a fool who shouldn't have expected anything different considering the past 16 years.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
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DmndLife1984 responded:
I did go and talk to a therapist about this today. I do feel a bit better, though he did acknowledge that moving forward from all this won't happen overnight, like I've said.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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dfromspencer replied to DmndLife1984's response:
I've read a lot of your posts, and it gets me every time! I feel as if I should be able to help you, in some way or fashion? Yet, for the life of me, I cannot figure out how? Everything you have said and done, you have already tried. So, what can a fellow sufferer say? I commiserate with you? What good does that do? What does that accomplish? Nothing!

I have tried to get a woman to like me, or love me enough to last more than a few dates. But as yet, no such luck. I, like you, will continue to put myself out there in hopes of a new chance to find love. What else can we do? Our only hope is to find a lady that is totally non-judgemental, and daring enough to try different things.

I have also started a workout routine in hopes of making myself more presentable, as yet, it hasn't worked. I've only been at it for a month so far, but I can certainly see the results! If only a good looking body was good enough, I would certainly work out even harder. Then I read about how most women prefer a skinny weakling, to a huge musceled overbearing man, go figure??? I won't stop that, either, it at least makes me feel good, and more confident! Being fit is a plus!!!

I wish there was something I could say to make everything alright, but there is not. Sorry! I do wish you luck!!! Take care!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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DmndLife1984 replied to dfromspencer's response:
I keep fit, some people at work call me "The Mover." I barely drive, even my wonderful new sports car, so that I can walk/jog for miles to get where I need to go, which is often up and over a lot of hills, and in extreme heat/cold situations, as well as in rain, snow, several blizzards, and one hurricane. If there are stairs when I get there, I take them all. My feet aren't quite right, which kept me from serving in the military (that's of three different countries), but I was always a much faster sprinter than any of my friends who were on the football or track teams. I also swim, and a few months ago I dove into the ocean in my jeans because I thought I needed an adrenaline rush to help keep my mind off what I was going through. I stayed in there over a half hour I think, and from where I was I could see people along the shore under the clouds wearing winter jackets, but it didn't last as long as I'd hoped... Sometimes on my break at work I'll hit the beach and swim for a while before getting showered then back in my uniform to finish the rest of the day. I don't have a routine like you do though, and I don't mind a woman who can be judgmental, as then if I end up impressing her, that means it really meant something, that I did something that many others couldn't, and I like that feeling.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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DmndLife1984 replied to dfromspencer's response:
By the way, when you see couples in public, are the women with "scrawny weaklings"? If they're not, if they're with more muscled men, do you think they're secretly yearning to be with a "scrawny weakling" instead? I don't expect you to take my advice, Dennis, as the only person who ever has so far was a Hungarian call girl, on what kind of bad on hand was perfect to store something in, but don't believe everything you hear, especially something like that. Some of my family were spies, from two different countries and in three different wars, and they used to make up information all the time to confuse people, to make them feel inadequate like that. It made them easier to conquer. Don't believe everything you hear, that's an order.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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dfromspencer replied to DmndLife1984's response:
LOL!!! That's an order? Yessir, anything you say sir!!! LOL! Brings back some fond memories. Sorry you couldn't serve!!! It sounds like you would have liked to, but due to unfortunate cercumstances, well??? Sorry!!!

I read that here, on WebMD. About the scrawny guys, it was on some sort of post, or blog, or just a story, I don't remember, it was long ago. And no, I don't see, nor have I seen that many scrawny guys with hot women hanging on their arms. Rather, they were with more guys like me, average build. Well, that was until now. I'm deffinately bigger than I was, but no Arnold, as yet.

That is sooooooo cool, having relatives as spy's, so cool!!! You know, all these wonderful things you said you have done, and have yet to meet a woman who likes you, for you? Wow, that really is too bad!!! I guess we both will just have to take it day by day and hope for the best, eh???

Take care of yourself, and good luck!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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DmndLife1984 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Well, that's why I thought this girl was interested, even if I wasn't. She learned things like this about me as we talked here and there, asked if I had a girlfriend, I said I didn't and was unsure about whether I wanted one, and eventually she suggested we meet in person, so we set a date, I showed up, she didn't because she said she totally forgot. That's why I wrote that she must not've found me truly interesting if she just forgot a meeting she suggested in the first place.

Otherwise, I agree about day to day, and much of the time I have to go minute by minute, if I really need to relax. I know that living this life is much easier than living life as a spy, as one of those relatives I mentioned ended up committing suicide in the 70s.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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fcl replied to DmndLife1984's response:
This is a woman's perspective. We can sense when someone isn't interested even when we are. It sounds as if (from your most recent post) that she really had to push you ("eventually she suggested ...") to accept a date. I wonder if, after this, she didn't decide that you only accepted to humour her? I can understand (without approving, of course) that she didn't turn up if she felt she would just be a nuisance and that you were just being nice. Later she was embarrassed to admit that (and who wouldn't be?) and claimed forgetfulness.

For what it's worth, when we ask if you have a girlfriend, it's not so much that WE want to be your girlfriends as we want to avoid spoiling an existing relationship.

I'm not trying to excuse her, just looking at the situation from another point of view ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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DmndLife1984 replied to fcl's response:
Well, she didn't need to sense it, I'd already let her know I wasn't interested that way, but would still like to see her. That was a long time before we actually set the date to meet, and we'd been talking here and then over that time.

Maybe you're right, in that she felt too stressed to show up when the time came, and was too embarrassed to admit it, but we'll never know if that might be the case of if she'd just forgotten like she said she would, maybe out of not having been interested anyway. I still don't know what to believe.

Also, you said women don't necessarily ask if you have a boyfriend because they're interested in you, but for the reason you described. I don't actually understand what you meant, but whenever a girl is "nice" to me, or asks a question like that, I repeat to myself in my head, "She doesn't like you, she's just being nice to you... She doesn't like you, she's just being nice to you... She doesn't like you, she's just being nice to you," over and over. This is so I won't catch myself being a fool later on, and it's something I've become very good at. Trust me when I say I don't give myself credit when credit might not be due.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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fcl replied to DmndLife1984's response:
"Well, she didn't need to sense it, I'd already let her know I wasn't interested that way, but would still like to see her. "

Then she must have been extremely lacking in self esteem or very much taken with you to persist. If someone had told me that he wasn't interested in me but would still like to see me ... well, it would have been like hearing that I was worthless but still might be good for a booty call. Not very good for one's ego It would take very low self-esteem to turn up to a date knowing that ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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fcl replied to fcl's response:
PS - while I think of it. Not wanting to spoil an existing relationship is about not treading on someone else's territory. If you already have a girlfriend then you're "taken", "spoken for". It's about respect for the girlfriend.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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dfromspencer replied to DmndLife1984's response:
Wow, sorry about the girl, and more sorry about the relative!!! No, I don't think I would like to be a spy, either! Too much stress for my liking!!! I would much rather live a more sedate life.

Yep, that is a good way to take it, day by day! Its the only way I can, right now. I will never give up hope, tho, I really do want to find a nice woman to spend the rest of my life with!!!

I hope you find love, and real soon!!!

Later!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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DmndLife1984 replied to fcl's response:
Alright, I think I can sum it all up in brutal honesty:

I agreed to meet her so I could socialize, which I don't get much of these days. I wasn't interested in her for either a girlfriend or a booty call. I didn't find her attractive. I was pissed off that she'd waste my time by making a date with me she didn't intend to keep! I hope it comes back to bite her because I hold grudges against people who not only waste my time but confuse me in the process!

If I wanted a booty call I'd catch the no-frills red-eye to either the homeland, or one of two other places, with a cashed paycheck and bookmarked list of call girl agencies, and that's exactly what I'm going to do once again. I saw a pair of really sexy bikini bottoms today, and since the agencies give you their measurements, I can buy some in the right sizes, for some added spice I didn't have in the last several liaisons.

I especially remember my teenage years, and the kinds of romantic as well as rough play I fantasized about sharing with whomever agreed to be my girlfriend, and believing what people told me about how much I had to offer. If someone told me back then that over a decade later I'd actually be having sex with call girls and porn stars instead, I don't know what the hell I'd think, whether I'd be excited, confused, disappointed, dreadful, or very numb like I often feel these days.
Sorry, forgot my pen.


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