thought after decades of misery, u finally had a chance to be happy.i felt worth something. but it is the same old story. people know what i think feel and say. they are right and i am wrong, i just got out of the hospital . i want to be free from this. i paid my due thanks for listening/ you knew me as friedeggs
thank you Dennis,I know that over the last several years i have gotten stronger. but my relationships skills are horrible, i thought by coming here i can learn more so i can improve my self worth. by improving my relationships with the people in my life, while i am here i will do my best to help but it may take a little bit. i am semi new here and i need to get to the people here a bit better
Welcome back! Glad to have you re-join our community
I hope we can help support you in improving your relationships. Sometimes just putting yourself out there and being part of a community (like this one) can help you feel better. That's especially true if you test out your relationship skills and/or reflect upon them with others who are supportive.
Thank you very much, i will ease myself into being here. it has been a long 14 months. i have been reading the board here for while. It was something that you wrote in reply to about forgiving. it was when you said about their partners feelings being heard. it made me realize that was what my problem was for over forty years. i was looking for the love and protection from my family .as a child i never got that as so many others like so many others, It just caused so many bad mistakes that screwed up my way of thinking and being. i have removed both my brother and sister from my live. they were very toxic to me.. they both claim that they never did anything wrong. my mother went to get me and my sister to work it out in the hospital where my brother was. my sister had me to a point that i almost hit her, they both treat me likea child and i refuse to let that happen. their put downs are why i have always had the same put downs to myself. But there still more work that i need to do
Stop that, right now!!! I want to be your friend, but I don't want you to ever say that, again. Nothing can be ALL YOUR fault, no way!!! It takes TWO TO TANGO, right? Then, if that is true, you could only be 50% at fault, correct??? Unless, of course, you are talking, or arguing with yourself? Are you? Are you arguing with yourself, in your own mind? I did that for a very long time. Then I met Web,M.D., and Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps, and everything changed!!! I now know that, IT IS NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT. You need what she gave to me, and that is self talk. You can talk yourself into anything. You need to talk yourself into a self loving person, one with great value, one of great worth to a whole lot of people, starting with me!!!!!
Are you ready to start? Ok, lets go; I AM A LOVING PERSON, I AM A GIVING PERSON, I DESERVE TO BE LOVED LIKE ANYONE ELSE. I DESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD, LISTENED TO. I DESERVE RESPECT, I MUST RESPECT MYSELF FIRST. I MUSTLOVE MYSELF FIRST. I MUST FORGIVE MYSELF FOR LITTLE ERRORS! I MUST FORGIVE OTHERS FOR THEIR LITTLE ERRORS, AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY MISUNDERSTAND ME. I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GREAT PERSON!
Ok, that's enough for now, practice that till you get it, cool? Stand in front of a mirror, if you think it might help, but say it over and over, and over till you believe that you are a deserving person. You deserve respect, and it appears your family doesn't want to give you any? Next time, tell them if they want to talk to you, that you will give them respect only if they give it to you! Fair is fair!!! Tell them you love them, but that you deserve to be loved back.
I hope you practice that self talk, it has worked wonders for me!!! Till next time, take good care, I want to hear from you, very soon!!! Keep talking to yourself, and be very positive, never negative, ok???
Thanks Dennis. i am sorry that i did that. i just got really angry. i want to move on in my life. i want to be free. but the mistakes i made, it is being held over my head. i can and will do the work., i need to build on my skills on how i relate to be, people. you are the best dennis
This is a good start. The next step is to turn "there is still more work that I need to do" into "I am doing the work to help myself be happier."
It's ok to struggle. You will find at times that you are down on yourself. But it's at those times that you will do best to reach out for support; learn from that support; and ultimately, learn to be there to encourage yourself (in addition to- not instead of- taking in support from others).
You have support here in this community- please continue to reach out to us. If you have it elsewhere, use it. If not, then it's time to find supportive people and environments. If you are not in therapy now, then it's also time to get back in it- with a therapist you trust and respect.
I offer this advice of finding support and caring for yourself because it is a basic place that all people need to start from. I hope you follow through, helping yourself nurture a happier life.
I have as i told you a wonderful therapist. as he has stuck through me all pf this. when i ended things with my brother. i said to him that if he was going to keep not respecting me than i wish to have no contact with him,he then said to take and remove him from facebook and move on with my life. we are suppose to be family. i have not spoken to him in two months, which is not easy because he lives up the from me.he would gives more thought to his friends than his family. you see i do know how to forgive. my problem with my siblings us they both say that they did not do anything wrong, i dont want to forgive and be treated like a child again, that is where i am stuck. i dont my move on in my life i just ignore it and it is destroying my life, i hate being around people around people because i dont know to talk to people. my relationship with the other board is over, they hate my guts, and it hurts alot. thanks for listening
I hope you won't hate me for this, but I have to ask...What are these "Mistakes" that are being held over your head? If you don't want to answer, that's ok. I just think it might help me, and of course Dr. Becker-Phelps, to understand where you are coming from, you see???
People make mistakes, that is how we learn. Once made, however, a mistake can never truly be undone. We have to have the ability to absorb the facts, understand them, figure out a way to improve yourself from this mistake, then forgive yourself!!! Whatever you do, do not hold it in the front of your mind, put it in the back part, the past part. If other's fail to do this, then we have to tell them that, WE, meaning "I" in this case, have moved on, and we, again meaning "I" will not keep rehashing it over, and over!!! Then, go find something enjoyable to do, and forget all about it, and them!!!
Tell your family that, you are an adult, and can take care of myself. I appreciate your concern, but this is my life, please leave me alone to live it, MY WAY!!!
If they don't like that, just ignore them, totally!!! I hope this may help you a little bit? Ask your therapist what he thinks about my suggestions? Maybe he can clarify my meaning?
There is so much I don't know about your situation, but I can tell you are in pain and I'm sorry for that. Also,I was struck by you saying, "i dont want to forgive and be treated like a child again, that is where i am stuck."
Just to clarify, forgiving does not mean that you have to put up with being treated in any particular way. It simply means that you find a way to let go of the anger, let go of trying to change the past. It is a gift you give yourself. You might still decide to not interact with those who hurt you, but you do it with peace in your heart - not anger. That said, finding inner peace in a situation like yours (at least from what I can tell from what you've shared) is difficult; but doable. Many people find it worth the effort to create this inner peace - it frees them up to enjoy the rest of their lives.
I have had three doctors tell me that i can beat this because i am talk like i am mentally ill, they felt that i just needed to be heard, i live a life that people know what i feel and think, i got get up in the moring and get my son of to school, take care of his medical needs. i keep my brother and sister out of my life. i refuse to keep that cycle of toxic going, as far as my past goes i just pretend like it isnt there, i showed my t that i can talk about things that happened 5 years ago and be so emotional about it like it happened yesterday. he said i was right, i will still do the work that need to do but the pain is horrible, i want to repair my relationship skills
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