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My husband said he is leaving me
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An_252298 posted:
After nearly 10 years of marriage my husband has told me he is leaving me.

I have a son from a previous marriage that was 5 at the time. Both myself and my son are bi-polar and it has been quite a turbulent ride.

After a complete breakdown where I unsuccessfully attempted suicide he backed off emotionally.

Since then he repeatedly says that my son and I are mean to him and that we make him feel unwelcome in the house. My son and I do everything we can to accommodate what he wants. I spoil him, he does what ever he wants, never does chores, or do shopping, or clean. All of that means nothing to him now.

I don't know how to cope with this. I feel like I have wasted years of my life. I feel taken advantage of and thrown away like garbage.

I have tried to explain to him how devastated I feel but it is subverted by his own problems.

I have no one to turn to, he was my best friend. My therapist had an accident and its unclear if/when they return to work.

He says he still loves me, but how can someone do this to someone they love.
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DmndLife1984 responded:
I've never been married, but I went through almost ten turbulent years myself with medical problems, including attempting suicide, where I felt I wasted years of my life. I don't really feel that way anymore though, after working hard through it, and while things aren't perfect now, those years are behind me, and so are the people who had me feeling in pain. I'm living the life I want more and more every day, and if I've been able to do it, and there's no way it'll happen overnight for you, I see no reason why you couldn't do it either in time, with or without your husband.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
It's awful to feel the way you do. Clearly, something has gone terribly wrong in your relationship and communication. Perhaps talking this issue through can clear up whatever problems there are. However, it sounds like this will take a fair amount of effort and persistence, even if you are both willing to work on it.Maybe you would both be willing to consider couple therapy?

Your therapist should have someone covering for when patients need to be seen. Maybe you can follow up with that person, who will hopefully know more details about your situation and can provide you with better guidance.

In the meantime, you might want to share more about how you are doing so that the community here can understand better and offer more support.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
I feel for you, I really do! You feel devastated by his treatment of you. You feel at a loss for what he has said, and done. You feel as if you have done every thing for him, and that he should be more in love with you, than not, right??? I hate to say this, but I think he needed to do more in the relationship, than you allowed? You did every thing, he had no part in the relationship but being there. Its as if you emasculated him??? I would have felt the same way!

Every relationship has to be a 50/50 partnership!!! He doesn't feel needed. Why did YOU do every thing? Why couldn't he do some things around the house, like do the dishes once or twice a week? Do the laundry, or vacuum the carpets? You get the point i'm trying to make???

I'll bet he feels useless??? Talk to him!!! Communication is the key to a happy/successful relationship! And promise him that, you will let him be a man of the house, not just a man in the house, ok??? I hope he will come around? If not, then be glad you had ten years with him, then move on. With any luck, he and you can still be best friends???

I wish you all the luck in the world!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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