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relationships issues forgiveness and forgetting
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An_252323 posted:
Okay here's the issue I've been with my boyfriend for going on 6years a few months ago we were really bumping heads about money he was unemployed for a year maybe longer so money was the argument I was doing everything he said he was looking everywhere for a job but I was seeing it so I told him to leave get his self together and come back correct he did so in the mist of all of that I started talking to another guy we were spending a lot of time together long story short me and my boyfriend got back together he came back home an that same night I found condoms in his pocket I instantly got mad because why do you have condoms and we don't use them so he says it because he knew I was talking to someone else which sounded like crap but I kicked him out again an this time I was really mean an serious I through his cloth out which was wrong of me and I told him to change his address and everything else so I guess he really thought it was over because if I was him it would of thought the same but anyways he came back we worked it out I went to the doctors to get a regular check up an a week later she calls me back and tells me I have an std I quickly woke him up an asked his what was going on at first he denied it then later that day he finalltfinally came clean an told me he had unpertected sex twice with someone else I was so mad and up set but I chose to forgive him but now I'm haveing a hard time forgetting about it I know it takes time but sometimes I look at him like a disease sometimes I don't wanna talk to hin sometimes I get sick thinkkng about it I don't even want him touching me sometimes I don't how to handle this I feel like crying sometimes I just don't know I need advice please
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
There is no easy or quick way to handle this and move on. You have reasons to be angry. You will need time to talk this through with him and build trust again. This is hard enough to do, given the situation. But, it seems that your way of managing your feelings and communicating with each other is a problem - and you escalate problems rather than deal with them in a constructive way. So, you need to work on this together if you are going to stay together as a partner. You might do this by learning about more positive ways of coping. You can start by reading self-help materials on good communication and managing feelings. For instance, you might find some helpful tips in my blog post Errors in Communication . But you might be helped more quickly and fully by going to couple therapy.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
I have heard, and seen your story played out. My ex cheated on me, I forgave her, but I never could forget, and that is one reason I divorced her. You can forgive, and move on, and have a great marriage. I've seen couple's that have.

Right now, you are hurt and angry. Give it some time, reflect on why you loved him in the first place. Hopefully, you can recapture that feeling of love, and trust you had from the beginning? If you still find yourself having trouble accepting this, and find yourself stuck, do what Dr. Becker-Phelps suggested.

Couples counseling works wonders, and it can work for you, too!!! I wish you luck!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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myah3333 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thank you Guys! I've also realized that writing down my problems when I'm having a hard time getting though the day because I start to think of it that helps me also but thank you guys so much made me feel a little better!


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