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I'm not sure what else I can do
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DmndLife1984 posted:
If someone's going to do something for me, I want it to be because they want to, not because I've finally yelled at them after months and months. I do almost everything myself, both because I like doing things my own way, and because I don't want someone to help only to hold it against me later on. In the last year though, I decided to accept people's help, as well as ask a small favor or two, so I could start getting away from that trust issue.

As months have gone by though, almost none of them have followed through, even with friendly reminders every couple weeks or so from me. Some of this stuff has been very important to me, and them smiling/nodding and assuring me they'll get to it, and then never doing so, has been upsetting for me. I want to feel that I can trust people around me, and that they care, and I'd assume they would if they volunteer to do things for me, but then I've been left hanging.

This is me venting again, and if you're going to suggest maybe I'm just not doing enough for them, I assure you I've been nothing but friendly, thoughtful, and giving. They probably only respect abuse, like this relative I have who really gets results that way by getting in people's faces, but I don't want to do that, I'd rather be genuinely mutual with people. If you're going to suggest that maybe I'm just too arrogant, and they can sniff it on me, so after they volunteer or agree to do something, they simply don't do it because I've brought this on myself somehow, then you better duck out of this thread, as with how being friendly seems to have gotten me little more than ignored for the longest time now, I've had it, and I'm not going to give you much of a reason to think I've ever been genuinely friendly to anyone in life.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
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DmndLife1984 responded:
PS: That line of thinking reminds me of a particular self-help craze popular a few years ago, some kind of rip-off of The Power of Positive Thinking, where you could just get a new sports car if you thought enough positive thoughts, but if your 5-year-old came down with leukemia, it was your fault because you didn't think enough positive thoughts, so where my best friends' father died of leukemia when I was a kid, they and their mother must really have screwed up in the way they were thinking about him. Maybe I even killed him because I'd wondered if he might not make it. Somebody in a live support group tried to use that line of thinking with me, though not about that, and it was just as unwelcome.
Sorry, forgot my pen.
 
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dfromspencer replied to DmndLife1984's response:
In my 54 years, I've found that, there are lots of "yes" people out there that never follow through! And from every vent (post) you've put out here, I have never once doubted your sincerity, your kindness towards others, or your thoughtfulness!!!

I've had so many so called friends, who have promised to do this or that for me, and then never do. Yet still, they will come back asking for my help, over and over, with not so much as a howdy do. I know what you're saying, but I can't help you. I have no idea as to how to get them to keep their promises, none??? I, like you, will never use the "get in their face" routine. So, being a kind person myself, I have no clue, either.

Good luck, i'm sure someone here will have the answer!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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DmndLife1984 replied to dfromspencer's response:
I've actually been known to use my own "'get in your face' routine," particularly in situations where I've either been undermined or had my life threatened, and it's been effective. It's been effective too if something's really important to me, and I simply need the person who said they'd do it, to finally get it done, but I'd just really rather it not come to that, rather that someone will volunteer/agree to do something, do it, and then I'll feel more willing to let others help me. Who wants to have someone around that you only do things for because they scare you into doing them?

More importantly though, I'm glad to hear you haven't doubted me in that area, thanks.
Sorry, forgot my pen.


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