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you hit that right mark.
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den51 posted:
thank you both, hey Dennis if you are not in this field you should be, but you are right, my problem is being accepted by the people my life. I think because on an underlying problem since i was a child, needing to be cared for and belong. i have learned that the more that i continue in that practice the more mistakes i make as an adult. the more i seperate from being around people..As i wrote that last line i realize that i need to accept myself, but i cant, because i feel like i dont belong. yes Dennis i still practice what you told me, DR, PHELPS, what you have written has helped me on more than one occasion , that is why i am here to learn some. i want to move forward in my life, my therapist has been awesome, but i only get to see him once a month, have a good day rveryone
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi Den51, so sorry! I just now saw this post. I hope you are feeling fine, today? I feel pretty good, just sore muscles. I worked out pretty hard yesterday. I suggest you do the same. Get yourself started on an exercize routine, you will not regret it!!! If nothing else, walk for 30 minutes each day, even that, will make you feel better. Just get out there, and do something, and meet people on the way. Who knows what kind of friendship you may find???

Its ok to feel sorry for yourself, but at some point, you have to forgive yourself, and move on. Just like we have to forgive other's their mistakes, we have to forgive ourselves! Don't you feel that's right? Of course it is!!!

If you still feel like you don't belong, then you are not practicing the self talk. You need to make yourself believe yourself, subconsciencely, also. And the self talk, done over and over, should stay with you when you sleep. Even during your awake periods, your subconscious mind should believe what you have told yourself? At least, that is what I think, anyway? You can ask your doctor, next time. Keep telling yourself what a wonderful person you are, how worthy of acceptance you are, how much you deserve to belong like anyone else!!! Keep repeating those three for sure, ok???

Next time we talk, I want to hear how good things are happening to you, because you deserve good things to happen to you!!! Ok??? Great, I knew I could count on you!!!

Till next time, take care!!!

Your friend, Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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den51 replied to dfromspencer's response:
it is not role playing and not playing games with my life. it is a game on fb. i can shop, make myself look like anything and do the things that i could not do for real. right now i have a great deal of rage that i can get get out of my system, i want to br allowed to come back here. i dont want to ruin it. you all have been so kind to me. i am leaving for a bit, but i will be back. i am glad your brother is ok.D r Phelps. o really thank you for everything
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to den51's response:
Den51, Please know that you are welcome here. If you want, you can always share you anger here. You just need to express it appropriately -- you can tell us about what's making you feel rage and what it's like for you to have the rage in you.

To get rid of some of the intensity of rage, people often find it helpful to exert themselves in nonaggressive ways, such as jogging or other forms of exercise. These can seem inadequate to people when they just want to vent their anger, but it can be surprisingly helpful in bringing down the intensity. And this can then help to deal in constructive ways with feelings.

Also, if it's at all possible, you might want to see your therapist more often. Many people find that more frequent sessions helps therapy to be more effective.
 
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den51 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
thank you. as always. but i cant. when i got out the hospital. o felt like there was nothing i couldnt do. but it is just the same old story. i cant explain it.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to den51's response:
I'm sorry you feel so stuck. Just remember that this community is here for you when you do want to talk. And, again, it sounds like you could use more professional help -- I hope you find a way to get this.
 
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den51 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
you dont know how much that means to me, i want to respond so much to the self compassion, i have so i want to say but it hurts a lot/ the other day my son wanted to speak to my brother who i have stopped talking to. i kept from going to see my brother, because every time he went to visit he had something negative to say about me to him, so he told me he want to visit, i taught him tools that he could use to keep himself out of it and still visit, i even practice it with him. i felt that my issue with my brother had nothing to do with him, so the end result was that he spoke bad about me to my son again and my son didnt use what i taught him.i called my brother and told him to stop talking about me to him, all he wanted to do is visit. i also said that he told that i should be the better person. i called him out on it and said how that the way of thinking didnt apply to family, he told me that i was full of blank. he did nothing wrong, it is been the same old story, i am to blame for all of it. i have lived through every type of abuse there i and worked so hard in almost 45 years. i have no self respect. i am responsible for my own actions not everyone else. i have had such a flood gate of emotions about things. i have cut off ties between my brother and us again. i have taken a lot away from here and need more. but i cant run the risk of hurting people.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to den51's response:
den51, I'm sorry to hear about the pain and strain between you and your brother. It's hard for me to give even general suggestions to consider because there is so much I don't know about your situations. However, many people who are in relationships that are hurtful find it helpful to establish boundaries to prevent or limit the hurt. It sounds like you have tried to do this. Unfortunately, your brother is not respecting those boundaries. In cases like this, many people are helped by finding ways to maintain boundaries even without the support or cooperation of the other person. For instance, I don't know how old your son is, but if he is old enough to decide about visiting your brother, maybe he is old enough not to talk with you about hurtful things that occurred in the visit. Or, perhaps he can talk to and get support from someone else about them. Or, if he is young enough, you might decide for him that the influence is so negative that you stop him from visiting. All things just to consider - and maybe discuss in a separate thread here. But in the end, it is important that you find ways to protect yourself from being hurt.

Also, anyone who struggles a lot emotionally can help themselves by finding ways to fold positive experiences into their daily lives. By doing this, they live with a focus on what feels good and not just trying to cope with what feels bad. I hope you find ways to do this.
 
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den51 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
my son is 15 and special needs child. he suffers from what they call soto s sydrome. he is mild retarded. my brother was telling him things about me for along time., it made him angry/ he was actually went as far as defend me to my brother, It was a horrible the way he did it/ it is for the best that we stay away. it is sad because that is how i grew up
 
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den51 replied to den51's response:
my son is 15 and special needs child. he suffers from what they call soto s sydrome. he is mild retarded. my brother was telling him things about me for along time., it made him angry/ he was actually went as far as defend me to my brother, It was a horrible the way he did it/ it is for the best that we stay away. it is sad because that is how . i fomt know why i stay. i am this horrible stupd person that dont know anything, i i suck at relationships and being human
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to den51's response:
My heart hurts to hear this part of your story. No one - and I mean no one - is bad at being human. Unfortunately, though, too many people struggle intensely and life can feel painful. And, this is what, I think, you are describing. As for you not knowing anything, that's obviously not true. You know that you love your son. You know that you hurt. You know that you want your son to be safe and happy -- and that you want that for yourself, too.

I'd also like to point out that while you may have difficulties in relationships, you have developed some connections here. You are a part of this community so long as you choose to be. You can get support here and be supportive to others.


Again, many people are helped by adding more positive relationships into their lives and separating themselves from harmful ones. Please talk more with your therapist about this. See if the therapist can see you more often or connect you with another therapist who can see you more often. Also, ask your therapist to help you link up with more resources in your area. Maybe there is a support group. You might also try checking out the website for the National Mental Health Consumers' Self-Help Clearinghouse .
 
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dfromspencer replied to den51's response:
Hiya Den,

Yea, its been a while, sorry bout that!!! I have been busy with helping my brother, and working out! I could ask how you have been, but I can read. I am soooo sorry you are going through this crap, alone!!! Its nice that your son tried to help, but he is only 15. He should be more worried about school, and dating, than defending you to his uncle! I think it best if you ask him not to visit his uncle, at least for a while?

Now Den, I am getting a little upset with you! What happened to saying you are a good person? What happened to saying you deserve to belong? What happened to I am a worthy human being??? My guess is, your brother? It seems to me that, you put wayyyy to much emphasis on your relationship with him? DON"T!!! Ask him politely, but firmly, to just STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM US"!!! That would be you, and your son, ok? I feel that, it is your brother that is toxic, and ruining your chances at happiness?!!! He needs to stay away from you, and you need to stay away from him!!! Make that happen!!!

I agree whole heartedly with Dr. Leslie!!! You need to ask your therapist for more time, or for one that can spend more quality time with you!!! I hate to admit it, but no, I am not a therapist, no matter how much I may like to be!!! So, what ever I say to you, take that with a grain of salt, k??? I am only hear to listen, and help if I can, you know???

I'm starting to worry about you, and I was supposed to stop worrying about you! I feel that, your brother has made you slip backwards, and THAT is NOT good for you, nor me!!! Get yourself back on that track you were on a few weeks ago! You were more positive than at any time since you came here, and now??? I will help any way I can, ok?!!!

You do have friends here!!!

Your Friend,
Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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