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He is cheating on-line. Again.
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Annebellerose posted:
I have been living with my partner for 4 years now. We met on an on-line dating site and conducted a long distance relationship for 5 years before I uprooted myself and moved across the country. Our relationship has been a good one for the most part.

Two years into this I found out he was still talking to women on-line and still had an active profile up. We talked about it and he swore he would take it down. (at the time he was working from home and he said he did it because he was bored by himself all day!)

Fast foward two years and he is at it again! I felt something was up (women's intuition is a powerful thing!) as he was ALWAYS on his ipad especially when I left the room. I could see him grab it and once saw photos he was commenting on. He has been out of work for two months and has just recently started back so I kind of suspected something like this.

Today when he left for work I did a search on our shared laptop and I found he is still doing it. He has an active profile and has been chatting with women he has met on this dating site. I did not open the messages...my heart can't take it.

My ex cheated on my for the whole five years we were together and I swore to myself I would not put myself thru that again. I love him. He acts like he loves me. I don't understand and I don't know what to do.

We are not youngsters, he is 56 and I am 52. I take care of myself and look good (if I do say so myself). He looks pretty good as well.

Do I stay and say nothing? Do I go back home? I am so hurt and at a loss on what to do. Another thing...big thing, is that I have no money of my own. I work retail and my hours have been recently cut. I owe everyone money and my credit is SHOT! I mean judgements against me and all that. I feel trapped. I would leave in a heartbeat if I had somewhere to go.

Something else, he is getting ready to go to FL for a week next week and I know I will spend the whole time wondering if he is seeing someone he met online. I just can't do it.

Sorry this is so long. Any advise would be helpful. Thanks.
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dfromspencer responded:
This is where that old saying comes to be; "Once a cheater, always a cheater". It sure sounds like your partner, doesn't it?

I feel sorry for you, no one should be treated this way! So far, he has only cheated on you over the net, and not physically? And now he's going to Florida for a week, without you? I can see why you are nervous. Why can't you go with him? What is stopping you? Is this for his job, or just for fun???

If you are serious about leaving, there are resources out there that can help. Your local church, or the Salvation Army could possibly give you a bus, or plane ticket? You could try the Woman's shelter? In a way, he is abusing you? Emotionally, if not physically. Check with your local Dept. of Human Services, and see if they can direct you to the help you require???

Other than that, you could try sticking it out, and talking it through with your partner? Good, open communication is the key to a happy, successful relationship, you know? If I were you, I would confront him on the cheating, and tell him how you
feel about him, and about the cheating, and be gentle, but honest. Don't come on so strong as to scare him away, if you know what I mean? Just tell him you are concerned for the relationship.

Then, if all else fails, you could try counseling???

Good luck!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
I'm sorry your dealing with a possible cheater again. Don't be afraid to open the e-mails. If there is nothing there, he won't get upset. If there is something there, it's your call. You know how it hurts when they do that to us (Ex wife at 45 with 2 kids). Don't be afraid to fire up you relationship. Money and bills are secondary to being treated like crap in a relationship. 2 of the biggest things that destroy a relationship are sex and money. If you feel you have to leave. then go. He's going to FL for a week. If he's cheating on you, then that sounds like a time to go. If he's not cheating on you, get educated and get out of debt. Go to the library and look up financial information and self help books. Everyone alway forgets about a library. It's free and there are people willing to help you find what your looking for. Since your hours are cut at work, you have time to go. Another thing, cut up your credit cards. Good Luck
 
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sluggo45692 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Dennis: I agree with most of what your telling her. I disagree with the being gentle. A man should be gentle about these things, because most men see things black and white. A woman who is gentle about this, I'm sorry to say, is going to get played and not be taken seriously. Mostly because she's seen as being soft and wishy/washy. She got played 2 yrs ago when he didn't take her serious. She's been hurt before by cheating and now she's been lied to by the man she loves. He needs to be scared about lossing her or he doesn't care at all. Ether way, she has to know what she wants and fight for it. I'm not an A-hole, but I hate seeing a woman get run over and over because she didn't stand up for herself. It's like the battered woman syndrome. "I know he loves me and it's my fault he hits me" Sorry Dennis, just can't see being gentle about this one. Stay hard Annebellerose. Get what you want and deserve.


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