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    Are Your Sleep Habits Hurting Your Relationship?
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    Chronic insufficient sleep is bad. Really bad. At some point, your eyes become heavy, your mind clouded, and your patience short. Whether you realize it or not, you are now in a danger zone. All kinds of bad things can happen. At its worst, you might fall asleep at the wheel as you drive to or from work; seriously harming yourself or someone else. You might also have trouble concentrating, make more mistakes at work, and be susceptible to illness. At the very least, you will be unpleasant to be around, which is no small problem. This can lead to tensions in your relationships. Unfortunately, too many people ignore or minimize their need for sleep. And their lives, including their relationships suffer.

    There are many ways to solve this problem, but it must first be perceived as a problem. So, I open this question up to this community. Do you see insufficient sleep as a problem in your life? In what ways? And, what have you done — and what are you willing to do — about it?

    If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog (including ways to get more sleep), click here.

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.

    sluggo45692 responded:
    I can fully attest to what your saying. For years I worked a full time job and would have other jobs on the side. About 10 years ago, I started night shift 10pm to 6 am. My ex-wife couldn't understand why I had to sleep during the day. I couldn't sleep more than 6 hours normally, but I could only get 3-5 hours. Plus I would get extra shifts to pay the bills. No she wouldn't get a job to help. I was always tired and worn out. After she found some one else to sleep with (2nd best thing she ever did for me), I got a sleep study done. I needed a C-pap. I went to 1st shift, got a steady gf who understands I have needs. I sleep thru the night. I'm not grouchy, sleepy, and I'm feeling much better. I still only sleep 5-6 hours at a time, but it's a much better sleep. Now I'm back on 3rd shift, due to job displacement. I'm working hard to get sleep during the day, but I know I will get there. It's not a problem with other people, I just have to wind down enough to sleep. With my C-pap, I get a much better quality of sleep and getting back in the cycle of 3rd shift, I'm getting more sleep. Everyone must rest. Make sure your life slows down enough to get it. You'll be much better for it.
    dfromspencer responded:
    Wow, that was me in my relationships! And it true, it ruins them, badly! And yes, I get very little sleep, now. Its due to my chronic pain. Plus all the medications the doctors see fit to give me. It has become a nightmare!!!

    Recently, and I did miss my 60 day chip, I quit smoking, and started an exercise program! My 60 day chip would have been on the 29th of June. I am so glad I did!!! Now, not only am I sleeping better, but I feel sooo much better!!!

    That's right, I am sleeping better because I workout. I go for long walks most every day. I feel so alive, again!!! Getting fit, getting out there, meeting new people, the whole nine-yards! If only I had known about sleep deprivation in the past, how different would my life be, today??? Sleep, so much depends on how much, and what quality of sleep we get? Our bodies need to go through several different stages, of sleep, multiple times each night, in order to keep us healthy, and awake!

    If you lack enough sleep at night, I suggest starting an exercise program. Start by walking around the block. Gradually add more distance. Start a workout routine with your significant other, or just yourself. In no time at all, you will be sleeping like a baby!!! That is my suggestion, but you may like something else, like Tai Chi, or Yoga, whatever! The object is to decrease your stress, and energy levels enough to sleep effectively.

    Well, my brother had surgery the other day, it was risky surgery, but he came through just fine!!! He is home recouperating, and in some pain. He's fine. Thanks for asking Dr. Leslie!!!

    Happy 4th, everyone!!!

    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to sluggo45692's response:
    I'm so glad that you have found a way to get more sleep - and a happier life. I'm also glad that you keep up with your C-pap. I have found that many people who truly need it don't use it because they find it uncomfortable or annoying. Keep it up and happy sleeping!
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
    I'm glad your brother is doing well, Dennis. And, as always, it's great to have your wonderful energy in these discussions.
    dfromspencer replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    I have been busy the last few days, this is the first chance I've had to come here. Thank you, Dr. Leslie, for both my brother, and myself!

    I am still smoke free, and working out as much as is possible. The walking has been cut short, it is sooooo hot now!

    Thanks for all the help, Dr. Leslie!!! Have a great day!!!

    sluggo45692 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Thanks for the encourgement. I have found people on both sides of the fence with a C-pap. My gf won't use her's, Says it smothers her and her dad won't even lay down with out it. I recently met a man who had the surgery to remove his tonsils and palate. He's says after the inital pain and discomfort, it's went well. He's sleeping very well.

    Dennis: I quit smoking about 10 years ago. Here's a trick. If you just have to smoke, get a cigarette butt that has been lite and put out. Then just smell the burnt end. I left the butt in my shirt pocket. I didn't want to even light up after smelling it. Good Luck
    dfromspencer replied to sluggo45692's response:
    Thank you! I wouldn't want to smell that! I was at my brothers, he is recovering from surgery, and he is still smoking. I spent the night, to watch movies, and just keep him company. He and his fianc? smoked cigarette after cigarette, and about killed me. It most certainly did not make me want to smoke! Quite the opposite, actually! I have never wanted to get away from cigarettes as fast as I did the next morning!!!

    Thanks again, but I don't think I have much to worry about?! As long as I can workout, I won't be smoking, and I will workout till the wheels fall off!!!

    Congrats for ten years smoke free!!! I can't wait till I can say that!!!

    Take care!


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