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happy and nervous
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chrissyzajac posted:
to catch you up on my life currently ill tell a short story. my ex and i had a baby together and he was emotionally abusive to me and never paid any attention to his daughter. never fed, bathed, changed, played or put her to bed. now that the govt forced him to pay child support he cares now but not enough to visit her or ask how shes doing but cuz im not a mean person i do send him pics of her quite often. my baby girl is now 3 and ive been away from her "sperm donor- what i call the biological father" for 2 years now. about a month ago i ran into an old friend that had a crush on me for years. he stole my heart and treated my daughter like his own from the first day. i am in love with this guy. he is perfect in almost every way. ever since the first date the running joke is about us getting married. we both feel like we were ment to be together forever. hes going to talk to a recruiter about going back into the army (he had an honorable discharge a few years ago due to family issues). i asked him since weve only been together for a month and if you decide to go back in what does that mean for my daughter and i. his response is " i refuse to lose you and your daughter, i will put a ring on your finger before i go" this makes me excited and nervous and scared all at the same time. i know it seems early to be thinking about this but i have known him for a long time. any comments, issues, and concerns please leave. id love feedback
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fcl responded:
Please do not rush into this. Yes, it feels like he's the perfect guy but they ALL seem like the perfect guy when you're in the honeymoon phase of a relationship and that is exactly where you are now.

You've had an awful past with your ex and this guy seems like he's quite the opposite. Please take the time you need to let your relationship develop and flourish. get to know him inside out, the good, the bad and the ugly...

Personally, I would be wary of someone who talked about (even jokingly) marriage from the very first date.

Take your time. Let this mature. Don't forget that any decision you make has an effect on your daughter. You are not deciding just for you. You have all the rest of your life and there really isn't a pressing reason for you to rush down the aisle ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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fcl replied to fcl's response:
PS - Have you ever heard the expression "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I agree with FCL. Take your time to decide. Remember that the end game is not marriage, but a happy, healthy relationship. Once you've had enough time to develop that, you can always marry.
 
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chrissyzajac replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
he says that it will be a long while before he goes back in but yes i feel the same way. i dont want to rush into things and said he feels the same way


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