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DATING A MARRIED MAN
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An_252705 posted:
I met this man at work and i ve dated him for 1 year 6 months till now that i found out he is married,one day i called his phone after finding missed calls than his wife answered,she told me she was his wife so i told her i did not know he was married,a few minutes he called me and said it was true he is married but there is no love,i did not belive him so i keep checking on the her face book and from her post i can tell its true there is no love but i just do not know what is true.i have always been carefull with who am dating i feel this is so unfair,i want my own hasband,my own family than this,were do i start from,i know he loves me but he has a wife and two children?am 25 i can leave him find another man but i do not know were to start from cz i ve built my hopes,,joy and love around him...
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fcl responded:
Most cheating men will tell you that they're in a loveless marriage and many will continue the tale by saying that they're only staying for their children...

Do the decent thing and walk away from this situation. He is still living with his wife and children. If he wants to start dating other women it needs to either be with his wife's full consent (an open marriage) or after he has divorced his wife. Do not get any more entangled in this mess.

Personally, I would want absolutely nothing to do with a man who lied to me for a year and a half. I have no patience with liars and cheaters. I suggest you raise your standards. You're only 25, chalk it up to experience and tell yourself you'll know better next time.

Sorry you are in this situation.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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rohvannyn responded:
FCL said it perfectly. You will have no trust in him, there will always be that voice in the back of your head thinking "what if he's telling some other woman he's in a loveless marriage?"

Open marriages are one thing and they thrive on open communication. They simply don't work unless there is a lot of love and trust. This obviously isn't that.

It would be nice if you could tell him that you don't appreciate being taken advantage of, and that if he wants to date around needs to be away from his wife. It may be hard, but if you want your own family, it's not going to be with him. There can and will be others, men of integrity, who are worthy of you. Best of luck to you.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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gd9900 responded:
I'm sorry this has happened. What is true is - you didn't know this man was married and had children but you do now. Take what you've learned to be true and apply it to your morals and beliefs. If what you feel with this man compromises those things, walk away...but walk away knowing you can wake up and look at yourself in the mirror with pride. Otherwise you compromise you as a person and take away from your happiness. It will result in crossing lines that promote unhappiness in your life. You took a risk and lost to no fault of your own. It happens to all of us. Take time for yourself to look at signs you may have missed along this journey and move forward. You can't lose what you never had.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
It saddens me to read about your heart-breaking situation. The place to start in dealing with it is by doing exactly what you are doing -- facing it. No problem can be dealt with well unless it is clearly understood. Also, most people in your situation will need some time to grieve it and are often helped by reaching out to others for support (though not the married man). So, please feel free to continue sharing and getting support here, as well as with other people in your life who you trust.

Life holds many lessons, often painful, for all of us. And learning to be resilient and compassionate are 2 lessons that all of us can take from difficult situations. In your situation, this means learning that you have the strength and resources to move on and find happiness elsewhere. And it means understanding just how painful a broken heart can be so that when others in your life feel a broken heart, you can truly be there and be supportive of them -- as hopefully, you allow others to be for you.

I wish you a speedy recovery from your broken heart and a very happy, loving future relationship.
 
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summer responded:
My dad gave me a bit of advice when I was a teenager... If he will cheat on his current relationship with you, he will cheat on you with someone else. I am in my forties now and I have seen it over and over with friends and acquaintances. It may hurt now, but you need to walk away, give yourself sometime to heal and then move on to find the love you deserve. DO NOT SETTLE for this cheating loser. You have your whole life.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Most everyone has already told you what to do, so I won't.

Only know this, YOU are still YOUNG!!!

YOU will get over this loser!

YOU will get past this!

YOU will find "THE ONE" for YOU!!!

Good luck!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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