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Know well your sexual desires
An_252845 posted:
How does a woman learn what sexually turns her on and leads to an orgasm? Is that through different sex partners? I am not sure if this approach absolutely effective. Or pleasing herself? Or watching porn movies? How do women on monogomous and long relationship learn what is sexual turn on so she can guide her sex partner?

I didn't have a lot sex partners and with from those experiences still not completely in good know of myself. Thank you.
1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on responded:

Although i am not a woman, but logic would lead me to belief that self exploration would be most sucessful. That way, if you know what your looking for you can help guide your partner to your spots. Having many sexual partners, doesnt make sense in terms of "finding" your erogenous zones. Everyone goes about sex differently, just because one guy might give you pleasure, a different guy doing the same position, etc. may not.

In terms of a long monogomous relationship, well they have lasted for one reason, they probably communicate with each other very well, in and out of the bedroom. So if he or she wants something different, they arent afraid to ask, hopefully in a tactful mannor.

Hopefully, you begin to explore your body, after all, you own it, you should probably learn the lay of the land You never know, you might have to start giving guided tours.

dfromspencer responded:
The best way is always the hands on approach!!

I am not a woman, either, but it stands to reason that, self exploration is a hands on subject?!

Do yourself a favor while doing this, use many sex toys, along with your hands. You just never can tell when that bell will ring true?

I hope you find what it is you are looking for, soon!!! If you are in a long term, monogamous relationship, then you have been without true pleasure, for a long time, already?!! How sad!!!

Good luck!!!

Laura13 replied to 1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on's response:
thanks, it is insightful
Laura13 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thank you, one feels normal when they do not know a difference
rohvannyn responded:
As a certified woman (or is that certifiable?) I can definitely respond to this. I spent a long time not having any clue about what I liked. What worked most for me was self pleasure, eventually with a toy or two when I got more adventurous. Reading about the subject helped, both in the form of erotica and also medical information. Sexuality is a wide range of experiences. The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more you will enjoy it.

I find that personally, I like exploring sensations before I try them with a partner. I've learned a lot about my own reactiosn over the years with experimentation. Understanding a little about the mechanics of sex and orgasm will really help too, it will be a little like having an instruction manual. There are actually some nice articles right here on WebMd.

I'd caution you against porn for the purpose of learning. It's purpose is arousal and enjoyment, and it will definitely create unrealistic expectations if you take it too seriously.

Don't forget to try new sensations so you can try them with a partner later. A fluffy feather, some soft fur, a supple leather glove, massage oils, nice fragrances, candlelight, music, interesting locations, the possibilities are limited only by circumstances and imagination.

Good luck to you, and enjoy yourself!

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
dfromspencer replied to Laura13's response:
Hi Laura,

You know, that is so sad, but true! Look on the bright side, you are still young, I take it? You have a long time to get to know how many different ways there is to come to an Orgasm. So many ways!!!

Once you've had the big O, nothing else will suffice. No, I take that back, there are some couples that have no sex, and are perfectly happy! Who knows you may be one of them, just living on love???

I wish you much success!!!

Laura13 replied to rohvannyn's response:
Thank you very much! Really appreciate your sharing as a woman.
marykat1973 replied to rohvannyn's response:
I completely agree with what Roh says here, but would like to add that once you've done some self-exploration use what you learn to lead your partner in exploring your body. What can start off as a simple massage can lead to mind- blowing experiences, especially if you're both not afraid to try different things... even just running your hair across you partner's back can be amazingly arousing, or instead of using your hands kiss your partner from head to toe ...very slowly. Plus some things that may feel good to you can be used to pleasure your partner in ways they never imagined. I've learned this with my husband. Most importantly... enjoy the learning experience.
jhmlewis responded:
I would like to recommend two books: "first she comes" and "and then he comes". They're wonderful "get started" books. The two of you should read both books, preferable together.

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