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    Help my sister
    An_252845 posted:
    1. How can I help my sister to be happy and fulfilled in her life? I am 5 years younger than my sister, who is 43, single, professionally accomplished, attractive, leading busy life (always studies and works), and no children. She never was in a serious meaningful relationship, can you believe it?
    2. She dated men at times, but those relationships did not last more than a few months.
    3. Now she is so upset, it is hard to watch her - she is going through menopause, understands she will never have children. She realizes that time passed by, her friends and colleagues have families and children, happy or completely not. She is currently dating a man who seems loves her, but there are issues and our family do not think he will be a good match for her. Before this man, she spent a couple years being 'in love' with a gay man. She was so blind and could not see straight that he was just a friend...though they had a good friendship.
    5. No she thinks that she failed herself and her life, that she was naive and stupid in relationships and no one tried to help her; she behaves in strange way - she doesn't talk much, very remote, saying life makes no sense for her??? We are afraid for her.
    7. What would you do?
    dfromspencer responded:
    I would sit her down, and explain every thing you mentioned, to her! You have to give her an intervention. If you have more family members that are willing to really help her, then have that intervention!!! Take her out of any situation, place her in a room with no one but loved ones, then quietly, and in a non-threatening way, tell her how you see her behavior, past, present, and future! Go slow, one at a time, NO GANGING UP ON HER!!!

    With any luck, she will come around?

    Why is she incapable of having a child at 43? I have seen women at the age of 70 have a child. Unless she has some condition, where is her problem?

    With what you said in the last paragraph, I think she is depressed, and you should try to get her to see a Doctor, sooner than later!!! Until she does, I would keep an eye on her, at all times!!!

    Good luck, and please come back, and let us know how it went, ok?!!

    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    She is struggling so much! I do wonder whether she is depressed.

    Consider taking the following approach (or adjusting it as you see appropriate): You might find it helpful to let her know that you empathize with her; let her know your concern. If you can relate to feeling like you've failed in certain aspects of life, share that -- so she does not feel alone in this. Then let her know what positives you see in her. Let her know that you feel for her and want her to be happier. Maybe she can also talk about wanting to be happier. As you talk about what she might do to move toward this, you might want to suggest therapy. Therapy can help her to focus on coming to terms with her disappointments and regrets, and help her to make the changes she'd like to make in her life.
    Laura13 replied to dfromspencer's response:
    thank you
    Laura13 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Thank you

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