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What are the chances of success?
An_252162 posted:
I was happily dating a may for 5 months. He was divorced for 4 years. Prior to that his marriage lasted for 10 years. 10 years of living separate lives, no physical intimacy, no friendship. He stayed in the relationship even though his wife was not interested in him.
She finds out that he is now dating someone and is planning on not being around as much as he has in the past (the two grandchildren they raised together are now in the last year of high school and first year of college). It is obvious that there was some sort of dysfunctional attachment if he stayed in what he referred to as an abusive relationship for so long. Literally, no physical intimacy for at least 10 years. And even after the divorce and moving out of state...he was still very much involved with the grandchildren.
The ex wife finds out he is dating someone and that he has said he won't be around as much. She then says she wants him back, will do whatever she has to, she has been in counseling and had a chemical imbalance that is under control...and the past 10 or 12 years of their marriage...she made a mistake. He was conflicted. Everything he said he wanted in a relationship (after not having any of it in his marriage) went out the window the minute she said she wanted him back.
So basically he chose to be with her. To see if there was something there....with a woman he said he wasn't even sure he liked as a person. A woman that basically gave him nothing that you would expect during a 10 year marriage.
I realize he has unresolved issues and if so, it is better off that he go figure that out. But....what are the chances of success for that relationship? I realize the bond is one of dysfunction. He says they have a long history yet he is the first to admit the majority of it is a bad one. But..she says she is a dfferent person now...and the past 14 years was a mistake and she is the same person she was years and years ago....when things were good in the first year of their marriage.
I guess I have selfish reasons for even being concerned about this. He and I had a really nice thing. And he felt that a women that mistreated him for the best years of his life was worth going back to. I have a hard time thinking it can even work out. Yet...if he stayed with her for so long before...and wasted the best years of his is quite possible, I think he will spend the last years of his life , in counseling, trying to make something work that really has no good foundation. He is 58 years old now.

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