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Moving on-does anyone else have any experience with this?
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ChiRunnerGirl posted:
I am reposting this. interested in anyone else who may have had experience with this.
I do want to say that I am working on moving on from this. I have no contact with him any longer. I care very deeply for him so it is still very difficult. And I truly wonder if his relationship can even be successful. Yet, realistically...it makes no difference since I have to accept what has happened and move on with my life. I still have a lot of hurt and anger about how he could sacrifice a really good thing that he and I had to go back to a woman who he has a very long and negative history with.
In time I hope that I won't even care about this. I am just trying to work through it.
Thanks!



ChiRunnerGirl posted:I have written here a couple of times. looking for some advice/insight. I was dating a man for 5 months. We got along great on all levels. He was divorced for the past 4 years. Prior to that he was in a marriage for at least 10 years, maybe longer, where a year or so into it, his wife did not have sex or any time of intimacy with him. Hey stayed in the marriage and helped raise her two grandchildren (they are now high school/college age). As he tells it. They led separate personal lives yet continued to act as a family where the children were concerned. I asked him if they acted as if they were happy and their marriage was normal to outside friends and family. He said no. Over the years he wanted to work on the relationship, she did not. He was faithful and did not cheat on her. She had a history , before marrying him, of having affairs with married men and she had abusive relationships in her past.She now tells him she was never unfaithful to him. Yet during the marriage she would tell him that if she was seeing someone...he would never know it.
Flash forward 15 years. He met me. This is the first time in all of these years he met someone he was serious about. He was taking steps to tell her that he was not going to be around as much anymore...as he has been for the children who are now getting older. She tells him that she wants him back. The fact that he is with someone else is the catalyst for that. She has made a mistake these past 15 years and wants him back. She has had a chemical imbalance that she feels is under control. And she will do anything to get him back. He went back to her. He said he doesn't know if he likes her as a person. He doesn't now if he can feel passionate or close or trusting of her since they had none of that for the past 15 years or so. He remembers many years ago when they were much younger and first dating that they had a good time. He told her that he loved me...that I was someone important to him. But he feels he needs to try things again with her.
I know that I need to just let him go...which I have...yet I am still dealing with it emotionally. I have no contact with him. But, I wonder if it can even be successful...even with counseling . They have a long history, they have the grandchildren who are not almost adults, they have business interests together. yet they have not been intimate for over 12 plus years. Not even had a pleasant, friendly relationship. Yet he seems to think that she can change...and be the person she was 15 or 20 years ago. That is what she told him.That she is the same person that she was.
I care very deeply about him. And I know this is something that he has to do. But I wonder, is it even possible for that situation to work. He spend his early 40's early 50.s not having any intimacy. Now he is almost 60...and I wonder if he will spend the last years of his life in counseling trying to make something work.
He said that he loved everything about what he and I had...yet he wondering if his long bad history with her was worth more than the short time he and I had known each other.
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cocom814 responded:
Your post makes me sad and reminds me of a similar situation I was in. I was with in a relationship with a guy that I truly cared about. We were seeing each other for a few months then he tossed me to the curb and went back to his ex-girlfriend, whom he shared many stories of. I was completely depressed then he wanted to get back together with me and we did. That lasted for 8 months then he left me for another chick; then I said NO MORE!

Your story has alot of drama, it's all about that other chick and how she "allegedly wronged the guy you dated." I say enough is enough and it's time that you moved on. You need to think about yourself and live YOUR life. You were not put on this earth to gossip about someone else's love life.

Moving on will not be easy, it will no doubt be a struggle but YOU CAN DO IT! Make yourself get out of the house and do things you enjoy with people unrelated to this couple you described.


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