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I hate the fat body of my partner
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Anon_159326 posted:
I got married about 3 years ago. at that time my spouse was somehow overweighted. and i wish she can decrease her weight.
but after a few years her weight went up.
the problem is that i hate her body while i still love her. our sexual relationship is so bad. we rarely hve sex together. an during that i can not look at her body. i am not sure if something goes wring with me or hated of fat women is normal. do i have any way?
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dfromspencer responded:
At the time you married your wife, she was somehow over weighted??? Some how? Yet you married her, right? So, you knew she was a large woman prior to marriage, and now she gets bigger? Could it be because you don't like her being over weight? Could that be making her sad, and no longer caring what she looks like? Yes, I would say so! You have caused her to be depressed, and that would make her want to eat more.

Instead, try to be a little more understanding, she was large before you married, so you cannot say you didn't know. Try to encourage her to exercise? Exercise with her! Do whatever you can, to make her WANT to change. Remind her of how different she looked before you got married, and tell her that you are having trouble sexually, do not be shy! Talk to her, be honest, but gentle. Ask her if she can help you? Then, be man enough to do the work with her. I'll bet within one year, you will be that happily married man, once again?!!!

Good luck!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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aramis223 replied to dfromspencer's response:
To be honestly, Thank you.

during this time i have lost my desire to and i do not enjoy it.
also I suffer of erectile dysfunction.
I know that first i should change my thinking way. i should improve my imagination.
but i do not know how.
 
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sluggo45692 replied to aramis223's response:
Here's some suggestions for you.
1. Date your wife. Go on evening walks, ride bikes, go swimming together, take a physical type class together.
2. Think of your wife as a X-mas present. Don't care about the wrappings. Think about the good stuff inside. Her love and caring.
3. Before you can change her (if she want's to change), change yourself. You have to talk yourself in to enjoying life. Get up each day and look at yourself. Tell yourself what do you like about you. Find something new every day. Then find something about your wife you like every day.
4. Open your mouth and talk with (not at or to) your PARTNER. How do you know if she's hurting. You know you are, What about her?
5. Find out if your ED is physiclal (medical) or coming from your head (Stress/wrong thinking). It's a starting point to figure out what you need to do.
You married you wife, hopefully, because you love her. Look passed the physical and get back in to the loving part. Once your there, you can look past a lot. Good Luck
 
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Saintsgirl62 responded:
My husband and I just celebrated 34 years of marriage. In all those years, we've dealth with many of lifes up and downs, the death of a child and disappointments. Remember, weight is a number. We're not the same size we were when we wed, but I still find my husband attractive. Maybe it's becasue I look at who he truly is and not the size of his waist. He still calls me beautiful and is a total flirt to me. Love the woman and stop fixating on her size. A life without curves is just a straight line.
I wish you an open heart and mind to your wife. Encourage her with love, not disgust. Help prepare healthy meals. Take a daily walk. Tell her you love her. Find something you both can enjoy together.
 
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Vasha485 responded:
You are they only one who can solve this for your self. if she is no longer attractive to you then you can tell her or you can suffer in silence. A lot of people face this as they have values that were over ruled by well meaning or not so well intentioned people. Remember people like to be justified and vindicated in their choices. So many will not advise sincerely. The only value that count are yours.
It is very important to be happy not conflicted.
 
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TIMZTICKING responded:
I don't think you hate fat women or people. And I am sure you love you wife very much. Maybe you could encourage a new lifestyle that you both can work on together. Start eating healthier, begin a work out plan together etc. It would be good for both of you. Good for your health, good for her health. She will feel more confident in herself, have more energy and you will as well. You don't have to settle for "fat"and it's not going to change over night. If you love her, help her "get healthy". More energy, more confidence, may promote more sex.

My husband died at 50 because he did not take care of himself. At 44 I found myself single.
So get started!! Ignite a fire under both of you.
 
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helpfulmind replied to dfromspencer's response:
I agree with this answer.

I remember a time when I hired a personal trainer. I came down from a size 20 to a 14, with a size 10 being my goal. It took everything that I had emotionally to do this for myself, and for the new career I was hoping to gain after my masters studies, but when a really fit friend/associate saw me ( not be as fit compared to their condition) I was made fun of. It was devastating to me. I felt as though all my hard work with diet and sweating it out just wasn't good enough for this very arrogant person.

Be helpful, not critical, keep happiness, personal pride, and appreciation going. Invest in a year of healthy emotional and physical changes with her and she should be happy to walk that journey out with you.

I know that if my colleague had come along side and lead me, it would have been so much fun!

She needs to hear how you enjoy physical beauty too. You simply like it/enjoy it and need it.


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