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Coping skills
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Anon_11642 posted:
Hi - I have such an awful daughter-in-law - her husband, my son, live down the street where we live.

They have been married 10 years - I cannot get along with her at all. My son and her had a child - he told me he would have divorced her if it weren't for their son. He is 4-1/2 years old.

She is so mean - ever so often she sends me awful text messages. I always babysit her when she needs me - never say no. Just the latest episode. I got a call from my son asking if I could babysit as they couldn't get a sitter and he wanted to go out for dinner and as always I said sure.

I have a set of Childcraft books volumes 1-15 - I used to sell them - I gave my old set to my girlfriend and kept the newer set as it was my demo set. Anyway, my grandson wanted to take home one of the volumes. I told him he could come over any time he wants to read it but wanted to keep them altogether. He cried and cried - DIL was upset - he goes to daycare and feel this is part of it - anyway - she doesn't seem him too much - she texted me how angry she was - she does not like to see him upset. And that I can lock these books up - she never wants to see me again etc etc etc - when they left I told my son you can't give a child everything he wants or he will be a spoiled brat - my grandson is a difficult child - doesn't want to mind - They have had this problem at preschool too - I hated to see him cry too but felt this is what I wanted to do - want to keep them all together as usually they disappear and that's the end of it.

My son said he didn't see anything wrong in saying no - but she is at it again with these emails and text messages - more was said in them.

I am trying to take my friend's advice - I called my daughter and she says "She is crazy" - accept it - I know she is - she is nuts - my son has called her a "B" word and in essence told me just be glad that I can go home to my home but he has to go home to her. He is trying to cope. I don't and hate to put him in the middle but just want to scream.

I told my husband today am afraid I may go into a deep depression and he said - stop being so weak. He says stop worrying you wont get to see our grandson - you will - but I do worry about that.

I'm thinking maybe I just ought to see my grandson when his dad is home alone with him - they live down the street.

My daughter grew up with her - same age - when she found out her brother was engaged to her she wasn't too happy. She says she is a very angry person all her life - having type 1 diabetes and being deaf - she always had anger inside her and had hardly any friends - always bitter.

But she is a part of our family - it seems any family function something bad happens - everyone is on edge when she is around - I have so many situations before this I could write a book.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST - I'm just trying to cope and not doing very well at all.

She is my CROSS - I just want to know how to cope with such a crazy person - maybe no contact is the best.

Will check for some answers hopefully. Thank you for listening. Sometimes I just want to die and be in heaven and be at peace. Sometimes life is just hard for me - I just get upset so easily - I want everything to be happy and nice and it sours a lot more than I like.
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fcl responded:
I think that you both have conflicting personalities. There isn't really much you can do because apparently both of you rub each other up the wrong way. I suggest you block her number on your phone. You don't have to receive her text messages unless you want to.

You say she is part of your family yet in every single one of your posts you have done nothing but say how awful she is. Why not try focussing on her good points? Sometimes a shift in focus can make the world of a difference.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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sunflower1943 replied to fcl's response:
I plan on talking to my cell phone company about blocking text messages from her - however, if I do babysit and know I will even through my son I possibly could tell me son that I no longer have her number on my phone so will have to go through him so he knows for the sake of the child.

There is no other way - I tried for 10 years - I have friends that tell me anyone would want to be your friend - don't feel I am doing bad things on purpose. Thank you.
 
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dfromspencer replied to sunflower1943's response:
Hi again.

F.C.L. is right about one thing, every time you post about her, its always the same thing! I feel real sorry for you! YOU should NOT be subjected to this kind of behavior from a D.I.L., period!!! Your son needs to take her to task, and make sure she never abuses you in any way, ever again!!! Make it a point to let them know that, you will no longer tolerate her abusive behavior! If she ever wants to talk to you, she needs to do so in a civilized manner! And when their son, your grandson comes to visit, he will be under YOUR rules, not theirs, and if they do not like that, they can find another cheap babysitter! Remember, this is YOUR house!!!! YOUR rules!!!

She needs to learn to forgive. It is my belief that she is mad at the world for her problem? She is deaf, not dead, and she needs to forgive who? God? Whatever higher power she may believe in? Whatever, but she needs to forgive herself, and move on!!! So what, so she can't hear, big deal, let her live in the constant pain I have, then she will have something to whine and cry about!!! I will gladly trade her!!!

You see what I mean? She is angry at everyone, and for what? What did you ever do to her, to deserve her wrath? Nothing, right? Then she needs to be made aware of this. And, the sooner, the better for all concerned!!!

I sure hope this helps, if its handled properly, I believe she just may come around, and be a better person all around?!!! I hope that for your sake, and hers, and especially for that boy!!!!! He is going to grow up angry, and not even know why?!!! Sad, sooo sad!!!!

Best of luck to you!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Anon_11642 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thank you so much. My son and grandson came over last night after dinner - grandson and I had fun - he loves to come over here and actually tells his daddy go home now - she wasn't here of course with them. Hopefully, when the time is right my son will leave her. I had made some zucchini bread and made son a loaf and grandson a mini loaf.

Yes, I did call cell phone company and blocked her calls - so she cant call me via cell phone or text me either - the way it works but I can call her and I can text her but she cant me - may be a while when she notices this as she wont text me for a while anyway as she'll be mad for weeks.

I'm hoping this will work - of course, I can text my son and call him and he can me too, of course, hoping this will be sufficient when I babysit him. Just wait when she finds out that she can't do this anymore. Think the cell phone company says she'll get some kind of message like this is a restriction or something. I will ONLY allow and cancel this restriction when she decides to grow up and not do it.

Thank you for your very kind words - my grandson is more and more wanting to be with his dad and that is good as he is a wonderful son and a wonderful human being - think he just made a horrendous mistake in marrying her but he is a super dad and his son is crazy about his daddy.

Thanks again - you sure made me feel better. I am very sorry for all your pain - it seems every one of us has a cross to carry every day but when our lives are over hopefully we will have a peaceful and wonderful life in heaven.

I had received an email and maybe you saw it too where this wonderful serviceman was injured in war and lost his arms and legs and pics of his wife carrying him on her back when she walked up the stairs in their home - he can now stand with artificial legs and hands and is a wonderful human being - we are talking about him being a hero and her being an angel. So, there are a lot of great and wonderful people in this world. Take care - and sorry for all your pain that you have.

Have a good week and again thanks for your kind comments.


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