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DIL - continued
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Anon_11642 posted:
Say, I dont mean to wine all the time but just wanted to say something. My grandson came over a bit ago - his aunt and uncle live down the street - we are all on the same street - they were babysitting him for a while - of course - not me, the MEAN Nana. Anyway, I was so happy to see him - I told him that when I see him it makes me really happy inside. He wanted some chocolate milk so I gave him some and uncle said I'll wait outside here and told him he could come in too but said I'm good.

Anyway, my grandson brought up again about my doing something really mean to his mommy blocking the phone - he is almost 5 in Nov so he can communicate well.

I was upset again over this and told him (which I didn't want to because I have never ever said anything bad about his mom even though I hate her) - that she did something not very nice to Nana but he needs to talk to his daddy about it.

Feel bad for him that his mom would stoop that low - I had already told my son about what he said and said not to worry. But now I feel I need to tell my son again tomorrow about this - I told my grandson to please talk to his daddy about this.

Did I do the right thing? I just want to do the right thing - I love that little grandson so much - I'm just posting here so I don't screw up and say the wrong thing again - anyway, thanks for your advice.

Don't know what I would do without this site to keep my sanity. Thanks for listening - sorry to keep posting.
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sluggo45692 responded:
It's not a bad thing to vent in a controlled area. GS is 5 and doesn't understand. If your only having problems with the DIL, then the aunt and uncle are being neutral. Don't take offense when they don't come in, but alway let them know they are welcome. You can't always change people when the have a set idea in their head. You are doing the right thing. I've been following your post. I'm the oldest of 6 kids. I have a brother and sister who won't talk to each other and it spills over. I love them both, but I won't get between them. That's the view point I think the other family members are keeping. You and DIL are going to work it out or you won't, but always remember your son, gs and family will alway love you and her. Good Luck
 
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tmlmtlrl replied to sluggo45692's response:
I agree with what Sluggo said but want to add a suggestion.

I don't think it was necessary to say as much to your GS as you did. It would've been enough to say something general to him such as "that's grown up stuff that you don't need to worry about". Then maybe if he pushed about it let him know he can talk with his dad about it. You don't need any of your words being twisted or misinterpreted along the way. Plus, be extra careful to not argue through GS.

Also, I do agree it's a good idea to come here and get things off your chest. It does make it easier to bite your tongue later or to come at things with a better perspective. Take care
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
No need to apologize for posting. Being here for each other is what this community is all about. So, please keep posting.

I hope you've found the feedback offered above to be helpful. It can be very difficult to keep yourself from including children in adult family squabbles, but most children do better when they are free from these problems (and free from having to choose sides). I commend you on working hard to do the right thing and encourage you to continue in your effort.
 
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sunflower1943 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Thank you all of you - it's almost 8 am - I text my son 15 mins ago before he takes his son to preschool. I just told him that his son was here last night for a bit to say hi and mentioned to me again about being mean to his mom.

I told my son I think he needs to talk to him please. I told my grandson also - not to worry but you need to talk to your daddy.

So, my son said he would take care of this so he's probably talking to him now - glad I'm off the hook - NO - I have never said anything bad about his mother to him - that is wrong, wrong. It could make him take sides and get nervous and upset. I don't want that to happen.

Anyway, thanks all of you for your great advice. Now I can carry on this day knowing hopefully that my son will take care of this. He's a great daddy and know he will do a good job with his son.

Thanks again.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to sunflower1943's response:
You are most welcome. I'm just glad that our responses were helpful. Please come back here anytime you think we might be able to help... or even to share your wisdom in helping others.
 
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dfromspencer replied to sunflower1943's response:
I'm sorry I missed this one!!! Yes, I agree with the other's, you never want to put your grandchild in the middle of an argument! You did the right thing by texting your son, and letting him handle it!!! Good job!!!!

Hey, you can always feel free to come here and vent, ask advice, or even help other's with your advice!!! This is exactly the right place for those of us that want to keep their sanity!!! LOL!!! YOU COME ON BACK ANY OL TIME YOU LIKE!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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