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    Facing Fears of Rejection
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    If you have a fear rejection in relationships that keeps you from paying attention to, and asserting, your own needs, then your relationship will not, and cannot, make you feel safe, secure, and happy.

    The best way to begin to get your needs met is by being honest with yourself about your thoughts and feelings. To accomplish this, do the following:

    Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings.

    Practice seeing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. By becoming more aware and accepting of them, your focus will shift from being self-critical to wanting yourself to find peace and happiness.

    Be clear within yourself about what your relationship wants and needs are… and talk with your partner about this.

    Of course, the fear of rejection can be overwhelming, foiling your attempts to be open and honest with yourself and your partner. So, be patient with yourself; following this advice is a process.

    In what ways do you relate to this topic? How have you dealt with your fears of rejections? What has and has not worked for you in dealing with this problem?

    If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here.

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.

    dfromspencer responded:
    Hi Dr. Leslie,

    I think I may have answered something like this before? I started to have an irrational fear of rejection in my mid twenties. I started to experience signs of E.D. and I became so scared my own wife would reject me!!! Instead of waiting for her to reject me, I started to be mean to her, and started fights so I could sleep on the couch! Soon, I was coupling that fear of rejection with my fear of trust in women because of my wife's infidelity. I'm sure you know what happened next?!

    I lost my mind!!! Everything I had held onto from the time I was 17/18 till my mid twenties, came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks!!! Actually, now that I think of it, it actually goes back further than that?! It goes back to my junior high school days!!! My fear of rejection started when I started dating! Yeah, no wonder I was messed up, eh???

    Luckily, I had a counselor that was smart, like you Dr. Leslie! She told me to forgive myself first, and she was right on! Then, I found this site, and you, Dr. Leslie, and you have helped me more than I can ever thank you for!!! You gave me the keys to how to do it, how to forgive myself, how to trust other's, and how to accept rejection, and not give up. I can't thank you enough!!! I hope everyone finds those keys for themselves! A lot of that was your suggestion of "Self Talk"! That alone, helped me tremendously!!! Plus, you turned me on to Dr. Greenfield (?), never really sure what his last name is? Oh well, you are a life saver, Dr. Leslie!!! Thank you so much!!!


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