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    Wrongfully accused
    rohvannyn posted:
    I needed to vent somewhere and this is it, I thank you in advance for listening.

    I was recently accused of doing something wrong, which I didn't do, but it's been quite a blow especially since it wouldn't really be possible to clear my name. Not being able to clear my name, and at the same time, not being able to talk about it at home, is somewhat wearing and is causing me to have a hard time letting go of it.

    Basically, I had been a regular customer for about a year at a wonderful little art store. I started spending a few dollars a week as I could and started spending more and more (once bills were paid, that is) and building up my art materials. I hadn't done much art in a long time and I was really enjoying using real paints and papers and canvasses My spouse and I made friends with the owner, and he started doing little favors for us on his initiative, nothing major, mostly advice and letting us try materials, things like that.

    I'm going to continue this on another post so it's easier to page through responses.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
    rohvannyn responded:
    Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. We come in to buy watercolor paper and brushes, like usual, full of smiles and ready to see our friends. I had actually insisted we go because I was feeling terrible and really needed a lift to my spirits.

    We get there and our friend, the store owner, said we couldn't come in. I thought he was kidding at first but he was serious. I asked why and he said he'd have to call the police to go into it. I was willing to call them but my spouse has had some really bad experiences with police brutality (an ex was beating her and the police took her partner's side) so she didn't want to do that. I put two and two together and asked if it was because someone had stolen something, and the owner's answer was noncommital but I think that's what happened. So home I go, and can't go back to one of the few places that still brought me joy.

    I think someone stole something, that store has a lot of problems with theft and their security cameras don't work. When we were there last we saw some younger folks walking around with a backpack. So I think someone falsely accused us. Even knowing that, I can't really clear my name. Even if I could, I couldn't really patch things up with my former friend because they obviously believed something bad about me rather than taking my part.

    A family member heard about this and called the store, and got out of the owner that he was "disappointed in me." That supports my hypothesis that I'm suspected of shoplifting. That really bugs me because art is practically sacred to me and I would literally rather starve than shoplift. My spouse thinks it's an excuse and the real reason is they find her too outspoken, but I doubt it. This is just rather hard to put aside.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to rohvannyn's response:
    Roh: I'm so sorry you are going through this. Other than talking to your friend or writing a note, there is obviously not much you can do to make the situation better. I can also relate because I once lived in an area for a relatively brief time, made what I thought was a good friend, and then had the friend accuse me of stealing from her. She refused to talk with me from that day forward. I was really upset that she could think that of me after the time we spent together (didn't she know me at all?). And, of course, I was sad to lose my new friend, particularly when I didn't have many in that area at the time. So, I think I really get how badly your situation can feel. And, again, I'm sorry you are going through it. I just hope that, assuming you are not somehow cleared of this charge, you find a way to let go and move on.

    One thing I am less clear about is why you said that you cannot talk about this at home. Can you explain?
    dfromspencer replied to rohvannyn's response:
    Roh, that is just terrible!!! To have your new friend even think that of you, has to be devastating, to say the least!!! I am so sorry! I have lost friends for their thinking wrong things of me. But I never really cared. There would be other friends, ones that would believe in me, rather than take the other side! You will find some true friends yourself, and forget this one! You know, its a damn same, this guy lost a real friend, and you lost a place that filled your heart with joy. Unfortunately, you were the biggest loser! I am truly sorry for that! Hopefully, those that caused this to happen, will be caught and your name cleared!!!

    Even if they are caught, and your name is cleared, and the owner begs you to forgive him and come back, I hope you refuse! You standard for friends must be higher than that! Mine is.

    Have you tried looking in the phone book, or local papers for another art store? I hope you find one, one that also fills your heart with joy!!!

    Take care!!!

    rohvannyn replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Dr. Becker-Phelps, thank you for your reply. It's good to know I'm not alone in this feeling. I mean, I knew I wasn't, but it's really nice to know for sure that I'm not the only one to have had this happen. I don't feel comfortable talking about it at home because my spouse thinks it's somehow her fault, for being too outspoken, and that it's just an excuse to get us both out of the store. She gets depressed when I talk about it and has asked me not to. I understand, so I am coming here to vent a bit instead of just keeping it all inside. I feel a little better already, "talking" about it helps me keep things in perspective so I can let them go. It helps just being able to tell someone else my side of the story.

    Dennis, thank you for your support as always. I think what upset me most is just that if I'm going to be gigged for something, it should at least be for something that I did, that is in my character to do. This isn't. The only other art stores in my area are really hideous big box stores, and I'd rather not support them. I did find a nice art store online that has better prices than I could get locally, the only rub is I can't buy in small quantities like I was used to. Still, I'm not without resources and that makes me feel better.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
    dfromspencer replied to rohvannyn's response:
    I am glad you found somewhere to buy your art supplies! I am with you on the wrongful gig! You did nothing wrong, and that is hard to take, I know!!! I am still hopeful the guy will find out it wasn't you, and maybe he will beg you to come back? You never know?

    I wish you only the best, as you know, good luck, also Roh!!!


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