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    Can I believe what he says?
    An_254105 posted:
    I have a lover not a boyfriend. We have been involved for about 2 months now and the last time we was together he told me "I want you" and I was confused (since we were having sex) he continued to go on and say I want us to have a baby and have our own family move away just me and you. He would say would you do this for me? I was so confused as the L word has never been used we have never discussed a future together. He kept saying these things and similar. I would say we both already have children and he would respond I am talking about you and I our baby our family. I was so flabbergasted I didn't want to talk about this during sex. I didn't want to say anything that I didn't mean I didn't want to get caught up in the " heat of the moment". I did say and think he was just talking. I am thinking maybe he was caught up in the moment.... Any thoughts?

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    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    The best way to find out what he really meant is to ask him (and not when you are having sex); that is, do this unless there is a reason not to that is not clear in your post. But also be prepared with what you really think and what you really want.
    sluggo45692 responded:
    I agree whole heartly with the doctor. It's very hard be just a "lover" for 2 months. Even if your just having sex every couple of weeks, you still interact with discussing schedules and planning. Even if you don't realize it your in a relationship that could evolve in to something else.
    When I separated from my ex-wife, I became a man whore. If she was willing so was I. I had a couple of FWB (I hate that term, but it describes it well) who I started caring about and vice versa. In a man's eyes having sex is a gate way to life changes. If a woman will let you in her bed, where else is this going to lead?
    I agree with you, asking about babies in the middle of sex is the wrong time to do it. That should be done well before climax. If you hadn't talked about it before, make sure you talk about it now, before the next climax.
    You have to ask yourself, do I want this man and more children in my life? Being a good lover and a good dad to his kids, still may not trip your trigger for a mate. You have already had sex, so now the question is "what's beyond that?"
    Only you know what you want and if you want him. Good Luck
    dfromspencer responded:
    The other two have it just right!!! I was asked that very same thing while engaged in intercourse, and I had no answer myself?! How do you respond to someone in the throes of ecstacy? Simple answer; you cannot! How can you base your answer on reality? When in reality, you are in a different reality, a sexual reality? One that doesn't involve children, family, or anything else but the climax of sexual stimulation? Yea, you already said the right thing. You can't!

    The ONLY way you will ever be sure of what it is he really, truly wants is, to have a conversation with him outside the bedroom! Preferably, not when even sex is anticipated! Only then, will you get the one right answer!

    And, while this is going on, your own feelings have to be examined. How do you feel about all of this? Having another child is a big deal, and not to be taken lightly! Is he the man of your dreams, or just someone to have sex with? Is he your ideal husband, or just a make do type of husband? These, and many more questions have to be thought about, before you reach your decision! You know this already.

    So, in the end, it is you that has to decide where this goes from here! I suggest you take your time, contemplate all of the questions in your mind, then make an advised decision, one you can live with the rest of your life!

    Good luck to you!!!


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