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    To Know Him is To Love Him
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    Researcher John Gottman explains that it is essential for people to develop and maintain love maps or an understanding of their partner's world in order to deeply love their partner. (How can you love someone you don't really know?)

    This is developed through daily conversations. You must share your experiences with your partner and also listen to your partner's experiences in order to really get to know each other. And remember, you must do this on an ongoing basis because experiences, hopes, dreams, and difficulties can change.

    What do you do to gain an intimate knowledge of your partner and to stay up-to-date on this?

    If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here .

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.

    dfromspencer responded:
    If only I had known about this before, before I married, anyway, things would have turned out much differently for me! I didn't really know who my wife was, not truly. We never took the time to find out about each other, our wants, needs, desires, nothing! We met, fell in love, or so our young minds thought, and we got married. After that, we just took for granted that each knew what the other was all about. We could never have been so wrong!!! And then we divorced!

    Then I met one woman I would have died for! We really took the time to get to know each other intimately! We asked those important questions! We listened to each other when we talked. There were many chats about our past, and our dreams for the future! We met each other's friends, and they met ours and so forth. We did it right, you could say.

    And power's greater than ours, conspired to tear us apart, and eventually, won! Her parent's, mostly, and her son's father. Gradually, over time, they wore her down, and I could not hold her up any longer. They used time, and her own child against her happiness! Wow, I had never met such ugly, vile people in all of my life!

    To her son, I was "DADDY", and his father was some guy that gave him fat lips, and a broken arm! We were a family in every way except for the marriage certificate!

    I understand Dr. Gottman. What he says, is sooo true! Without that intimate knowledge of your spouse, life is just that, life. With that knowledge, love abounds! And it is a true love, a deep love! One that time cannot touch!

    Absolutely "THE" best posting ever, Dr. Leslie!!! Thanks!

    Take care!!!


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