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    What To Do With Your Anger
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    Anger is an emotion that many people are uncomfortable with. They often respond to it by hiding from it or lashing out. Instead, they would do well to:

    Burn off the angry energy with exercise.
    Take time to calm themselves.
    Gain an understanding of what is angering them.
    Calmly talk out problems with the person who has angered them.

    Of course, all of this is easier said than done. So you might find it helpful to talk through your particular circumstance here. Some things you might want to share here are: What about your style of expressing anger causes problems for you? How would you like to be different in relation to your anger. Also, are there certain ways you have found that have been effective in helping you cope with your anger?

    If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here .

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.
    dfromspencer responded:
    Hi Dr. Leslie,

    I learned a technique while in the V.A. hospital, a very long time ago. I was very angry, all the time! And those that know me, know why. It was because my step father murdered my mother, and then took his own life! Plus, my wife had an affair that eventually destroyed our marriage. I was angry all the time, just waiting to explode.

    I had a counselor tell me something that has stuck with me through the years. She said, maybe I didn't know what would make you mad?! How was I to know? Wow, that got me! So I listened to her.

    She said I needed to assess each situation. Unless you know that that person knows what they say, or do to you, will piss you off, then you have to assume they don't! Also, when I felt anger coming on, I should shut my mouth, breathe, and count to ten, while assessing the situation. Then, only respond if you can in an even tone. Because, if I was angry, and responded with anger, then I will get angry responses back, and my relationship to that individual could suffer!

    She was sooooo right!!! And so is Dr. Leslie!!! If you can, go burn off that anger first. I found that exercise is a wonderful way to burn off that anger, and, it is also good for you! Dr. Becker-Phelps has it soooo right, take the time to calm yourself. Try to gain an understanding of what is angering them, or you. Then, try to calmly talk it out with them.

    I found this exercise to be a life saver, or better yet, a relationship saver!!! I wish I could find that counselor, I would really love to thank her for that!!! I can however, thank Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps for all of the help and advice she has given to me Thank you sooo much, Dr. Leslie, thank you!!!!

    Give it a try! You catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar! So, wouldn't you have better relationships with other's when you are calm, and not angry? I think so?!!!

    Good anger management to everyone!!!

    dfromspencer responded:
    This one was put out a month ago, but I thought it might help someone this holiday season? So, here it is again!

    Happy Holidays to everyone!!!


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