Skip to content

Announcements

Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Not exactly 50 sahdes of grey, but...
avatar
jhmlewis posted:
My girlfriend of several years has recently confided to me that the thought of being dominated in bed is a huge turn on for her. Our sex life is very active, and I've always been the one directing the show, but I always assumed that she is too shy to initiate things.

My question is this: how do I get started here? I believe in complete equality, and so I have some concerns, but the idea is a turn on for me as well, that is anything not involving real pain, humiliation, etc.
Reply
 
avatar
dfromspencer responded:
My advice would be, check out some web sites of domination/bondage? I never have, so I don't really know what any of those sites would be called, but you get the idea.

Just remember, have a safe word, and the second she says it, you stop immediately, ok?! Otherwise, enjoy!!!

Good luck!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
avatar
rohvannyn responded:
Dennis is on the right track. Try searching for "bondage and dominance for beginners" and things like that. Look for thoughtful articles that aren't trying to shock you. Serious members of the BDSM community usually want newcomers to have access to good information about safe and sane practices. It sounds like it won't really be a lifestyle choice for you, probably more an exploration, but it can still be a fun experience. Any hardcore member of that community will tell you that the key to successful play is communication. But beyond all that, I hope you have fun!
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
avatar
fcl responded:
I suggest you buy "Screw the roses, send me the thorns" by Philip Miller, Molly Devon. Not only is it an informative and instructive book, it's also an entertaining read
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
avatar
jhmlewis replied to fcl's response:
is BDSM always synonymous with dominance./submission? I looked at the book online, and it seems to be about BDSM, which is not what I think I'm asking about. Are submissives always asking for "discipline" and "bondage" and turned on by it?
 
avatar
rohvannyn replied to jhmlewis's response:
Here's my take on it, chime in if anyone else has something to add.

BDSM can be a lot of things to a lot of people. Some folks really enjoy the power play, with one partner taking the lead and the other one enjoying being dominated. Pain doesn't have to be part of this. Some poeple really enjoy the feeling of restraint, of not knowing what's going to happen next. Some people get really hardcore with it, with special clothing and elaborate settings and even a lifestyle revolving around it. Some people play with it a little as a way to add interest and variety to their lives.

BDSM doesn't always involve sex, it doesn't always involve pain, but it usually involves some form of dominance and submission. Sometimes partners trade roles. Sometimes, if punishment is part of the scene, the submissive will "misbehave" as a way of inviting the contact they crave. I know a person who really enjoys pain. She doesn't let herself be physically harmed, but she likes the intense sensation. A lot of folks like BDSM as a way of stepping out of their normal roles in life. Think of the highly paid executive getting spanked in his spare time. He controls everthing in his world so he wants to put that down for a while.

BDSM is such a spectrum tthough, you can really experience it at almost any level and tailor it to suit you. There is a BUNCH of information out there, and even social groups who specialize in introducing newcomers to the fun.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
avatar
fcl replied to jhmlewis's response:
The basic theme is BDSM but you'll find a lot of general information about Dom/sub relationships. I think you need to separate the notion of a Dom/sub lifestyle and simply being dominated in bed. You're interested in the latter.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
avatar
jgutten responded:
My girlfriend wanted the exact same thing as yours. We did some BDSM and then we decided that what was exciting to her was the surprise factor of not knowing what I was going to do to her. We discussed it and decided together that we needed to bring another male into the bondage situation to fulfill her fantasy. We did that and our sex life has really taken off to new heights. We only do this at most, twice yearly, but it has brought both to a new level. I thought it would be weird but it wasn't. After seeing her experience that, I understand her needs better.
 
avatar
Anon_130901 replied to fcl's response:
When Woody Allen was asked if he thought sex was dirty, he responded: "Only if it's good..!"


';-}
 
avatar
fcl replied to Anon_130901's response:
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


Featuring Experts

Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

Helpful Tips

Relationships and Coping Community recommended resourcesExpert
About a month ago, I asked the community here to suggest resources for finding a therapist. They suggested: Psychology Today's therapist ... More
Was this Helpful?
12 of 19 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.