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    Did He Sleep with Her?...continued from "Will My Marriage Survive?"
    Anon_907 posted:
    Please read "Will My Marriage Survive" for more details. Please help me discern this text from my husband to his female co-worker: "I sat watching you rest last night and really thought about what you have actually been through, you told me in the beginning that you were not ready for a commitment. I wanted you with everything in me and still do. I know you need a while to recover from last relationship."

    (this is how I found out in the beginning; he said he didn't spend the night with her; she fell asleep at work and he had to wake her up. He didn't come home for two nights do to 'possible icy' weather conditions, but the weather reports didn't report of any ice).

    Thanks for helping me during this difficult time.

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    rohvannyn responded:
    Based on this text alone, I don't think he necessarily has. But he has done something way worse. He is sending her a sweet, sensitive message while keeping it from you. He is also apparently planning more with her. He seems to be planning a commitment! This text also suggests he has actually been courting her in a way, which is far worse even if they haven't had sex yet! Unless you are in an open relationship (something few people can do properly) I would say he has already betrayed you far more than just physical acts would show. It's in his mind and in his heart, not just in his libido.

    Your mileage may vary but that's my gut instinct.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
    fcl responded:
    Your husband has checked out of your marriage. He is emotionally involved with someone else and is just biding his time until she's ready. Frankly, at this point, whether or not he has slept with her is immaterial.

    The question is - what are you going to do now? Are you going straight for a divorce or are you going to insist on marriage counsellingtry to save your marriage? If you want to save your marriage then I would absolutely insist on marriage counselling.

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and the pain it brings. (((((HUGS)))))
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    dfromspencer responded:
    Alright, not bad. You have had two answers from two very fine ladies, now its my turn!

    From a man perspective; At first, I thought they had slept together, but that statement throws me off?! "I wanted you with everything in me, and still do"!? Wanted implies need, not deed. So, chances are, your husband did not, as yet, sleep WITH her! However, with just what you have told us, he has in fact already cheated on you!

    Now, as the others have said, it is up to you to make the next move. Do you adopt the wait and see attitude, or go straight to the heart of the matter, and make him go to counseling? You could also leave? (If you ask me, that is your best bet) Why??? Because he has ALREADY cheated on you, or she would never have given him a text like that one!!! Speaking as one who has been cheated on, and has done some reading and research on the subject. If he has already thought about it while with you, he will continue to think about it, or even act on it??? The choice is yours!

    Whatever you do, we will be right here if you need us!!! I wish you all the luck in the world!!!!!!!!!

    smiley2009 responded:
    Thanks for the comments! I have made a decision to separate from my husband. I put forth terms that he must agree to within three months or the marriage will end. He must submit to a lie detector test if I feel he hasn't been 100% truthful. I asked for full custody of the kids if Divorce is the end result. He can walk out on us, but will pay the price in the end. I will keep everyone updated.
    dfromspencer replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Ok, I was thinking I had said something that was off, somehow? So I reread some of the other texts off the first post, noticed all the new, and I did say something off!

    First, the something off; I had said "test she sent, when I should have said him, and that is what threw me off?!!!

    Now, after reading the new texts, especially the one you came back with before this new one, I still feel like you are in an already cheated upon marriage? For goodness sake, he was gone for two nights? And if this has ever happened before, you need to make it stop! The thing is, YOU are the one betrayed!!!

    From here on out, you need to make this about THE MARRIAGE, and THE FAMILY if you plan on sticking it out with him?!!!

    As always, I wish you all the luck in the world!!!

    sluggo45692 replied to smiley2009's response:
    I whole heartly agree with your actions. If he didn't have sex with her, there's still a chance he will wake up. If he did have sex with her, it's in your court for your judgement. I know I have been infatuated with friends of my gf and with women at work. I daydream and lust after them, but I would never go past the point of it leaving my mind. I would only text or speak to someone with respect and good sense.

    From the 1st text, he hasn't done any physical wrongs. 2 days of not comming home, leaves a lot of questions and doubts. The later text, somethings going on or he would be able to give you a good answer for the text.

    3 months is a good time frame. Your not dragging it out and it gives a chance for a counslor to work with you both. I hope you can work it all out and he wakes up to what he's losing. Thanks for keep us all up to date.

    Good Luck
    An_255110 responded:
    I would assume he did being gone for 2 days with a woman he is attracted to, I would'nt put him past him or his "mini me".

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