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Help from a professional please or anyone.
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Anon_11642 posted:
Hi - just have a simple thing to ask. At Xmas we usually go to my daughter's house for a day or two. However, want to ask you a question on how to deal with this. This year she said "I am really tired bbut do want to cook a meal for you (meaning my husband and me plus son and wife and son). I would just like you to come for the day and not "linger." Anyway, I said sure as I know you are tired - she has 3kids - 2 teenagers and an 8-year-old and husband does travel a lot and she works part-time and I know she has a lot of stresses.

The question is this - this word "not linger" upset me - I never said a word about it but felt that she chose a wrong word to describe how we are to stay.

We have never stayed more than two nights and I don't go down thee as often as I should - she lives 2-1/2 hours from here.

I'm wondering if I should talk to her now about that word or forget it. My husband said forget it as you dont want to make trouble. When I have gone down there in the past I always either bring food or treat her out to dinner.

Any advice would be appreciate - am glad I have somewhere to vent and get some opinions. I have a friend who said - I would have said this "the way I understand this is we come, we eat, we open gifts, and then we go." Maybe she had the right idea. I just said "sure" and she said she appreciated my understanding so.

Thanks for your help
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dfromspencer responded:
Let it go! There is no need to find trouble where there is none. As far as I can tell, you know everything your daughter said, or has as stressors, so why worry about her use of wording? You say you know she has two teenagers, and an 8 year old, yes, that alone is stress enough for anyone!!!


I can imagine how tired and stressed she is, and maybe that affected her choice of wording, but I would take no offence from it? Linger implies hanging around past a proportionate time to leave? Right? Well, see it her way, and then you will get it, I hope? She just chose a wrong word, or a too strong word, perhaps? Let it go, its nothing in the grand scheme of things!


Thanks for coming to us once again, we really do appreciate your posts/questions/concerns/what have you?!!! Please don't be a stranger, you can come vent, or just say hi, anything is fine by us! Thank you!


Remember now, let it go, it isn't worth your trouble of even thinking of it! I wish you lots of luck with your other daughter, and of course, your wonderful grandson who knows!!!


Bye for now!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Anon_11642 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thank you so much - I will let it go now that I vented with someone - thanks again.
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
I'm with Dennis on this. Let it go. I think you D-I-L just put her thoughts bluntly. How can you ask someone not to stick around after the festivities and be polite about it?
You have stated you understand her situtation, so just let it go. She still wanted to do something with your family and just wanted time to relax afterwards.
If you feel your intruding, make arrangements for a motel room when you know your going to stayover. Your 2 1/2 hours away from home. Enjoy the local sites. Offer to take the kids to the local sites. Spoil them shamelessly when you can. Take son and D-I-L out to dinner, so she doesn't have to worry about entertaining you. Give her some stress relief.

Good Luck
 
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fcl responded:
Please don't dwell on your daughter's unfortunate choice of word. Remember that you cannot know what was going through her mind as she said it (heh, I barked "HELLO!" at a dear friend when I answered the phone today, I had just dealt with 4 telemarketers in a row and had wasted a morning of work). Remember that you cannot know how frazzled she might be nor how depressed. Just let it go. It's not worth wasting the energy on analyzing the whys and wherefores.

As you said this was about Xmas and, as I seem to remember that you posted about this before, how did it all play out in the end?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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sunflower1943 replied to sluggo45692's response:
Thank you - this is my daughter not DIL - yes, I do take her out every time I go down there - either lunch or dinner and usually bake a pie, etc or some other dessert.

I don't take her kids out for outings down there as it is a city and I don't know my way and it makes me nervous to drive in a city - just know my way to her house and that's it but go to the kids' events or whatever is going on with my daughter.

For Xmas I made 2 desserts and a sweet potato casserole to take down there -

Anyway, thanks for your comments. Appreciate them.

My daughter did mention my DIL's name as far as stress is concerned - she didn't want to deal with her as she is a difficult person - I have the same problem - only she doesn't see her much - she lives down the street from me so I deal more with her. Anyway, thanks for your advice.
 
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Anon_11642 replied to fcl's response:
It played out fine - short visit but that's ok.

Thank you too for helping me out with good advice. It's great to have this site to vent and know it won't go any further as I live in a very small town like 5,000 people so I have to be very very selective in who I tell my troubles to.
 
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dfromspencer replied to Anon_11642's response:
You have no worries posting here!!! We don't have the faintest clue as to where you live, except its a rural town, not a city?! That won't help us much, if we did want to tell the town! LOL!!!


I am glad it went well! I hope you spoiled her kids while there?! It doesn't sound like you make it down there very often? So, when there, spoil, spoil, spoil them kids!!!


I do wish your D.I.L. would come around, and stop being such a pain in your backside?! She is letting you see your G.S., isn't she? Last time you said she was, but with the way you describe her, that could change in a flash?


I think its time you told the D.H. to retire? He is too old to be out there helping your son on the farm?! He should be taking you out to see America, and all of its beauty and wonders!!!!


From all I have read from you, you deserve a little pampering?!!! Good luck!!!


D.
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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sluggo45692 replied to sunflower1943's response:
Sorry, Didn't mean to insult your daughter. I remember now about your DIL. I just misread and I apologize again. I'm glad you take stuff with you and show your apprecation. I know your daughter apprecates her mom. I also hope things are getting better with the DIL and you get to see and spoil your grandchildren alot.

Good Luck


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