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I'm Losing Interest in my Husband
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bellab67 posted:
my husband and i have been married for almost two years now and things were perfect, we've know each other for three and half years prior to marriage recently he was stationed in korea due to assignment and we sort of took a backseat on our marriage, when he first left we would talk and Skype almost every single day then eventually the the communication started to decrease then one day i asked him if there was something i should be worried about and he admitted to me that he was starting to get close with a female coworker which devastated me. i tried to cope with what he told me by not over reacting and figuring out how we could fix things and better our marriage he eventually agreed that he didn't want to lose this marriage so he told me he cut all ties off with this young lady, as bad as i wanted to believe him i felt like i couldn't because this was the first time he had ever broken my heart. Once he came home a year later from korea we tried so desperately to fix our marriage but lately i have been detached from my marriage and we argue way more than we did before he left and he is more attached to his electronics than trying to fix our marriage. when i'm around and he's on his phone he will get upset if i try to look at what he's looking at on his phone. He changed the password to his laptop as well as his cellphone and if he lets me use his laptop he plays security guard and won't let be alone with his laptop which raises HUGE warning signs to me. He gets super jealous when male coworkers text or call my phone about work, he knows its about work but he tries to make it seem like its something more. i have one male friend who is interested in getting to know the real me and wants to explore new things with me, i lost affection and attraction to my husband and i don't know what to do anymore, i've tried walking away from our marriage but i always find myself back at square one , i need help please!!
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gd9900 responded:
Bella, im sure someone in you life taught you two wrongs dont make a right. If you and your husband are still invested in your marriage, both of you need to break all emotional ties with others who can potentially jeopardize repairing your relationship. Seek marriage counseling. Regaining trust with each is possible, but not without working diligently at it. It could take longer than either of you has patience for or not happen at all. If you are ready to call it quits now, lose the romantic interest and invest in counseling for yourself. Divorce sucks emotionally, financially, and spiritually. The worst thing you can do is carry your baggage into a new relationship you arent ready for.
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Sounds like he doesn't trust you right now either, which would make sense if he's cheating. If he didn't trust you but wasn't cheating, he might be more eager to prove his honesty to you, thereby being more open with his electronics, not less. I wonder what he'd say if someone told him "you know, being this paranoid makes me think you are cheating. I am open about my interactions with other men. Why aren't you as open?" That probably wouldn't end well. Anyway, I hope he is truly interested in making the relationship work. If you aren't both fully committed to that, you are likely to fail.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Both of the previous posters are correct! If neither one of you are totally commited to making this marriage work, fuhgeddaboudit!!!!


You lost trust in your hubby, and he is faking his mistrust in you, cause he cheated, he has to make you out as the bad guy!!! I was stationed in Korea myself when I was in the Army. There are villages everywhere! Little ones, big ones, and even medium size ones!!! Cheating is as simple as walking to any village, getting a whore, and doing the deed!!! When I was there, 78-80 & 81-82, an overnight was $7, and a quickie was $3 to $5!!! So, it didn't have to be an Army aquaintence to cheat?! Sorry, but yeah, it was soooooooooo easy to get a woman, they were a dime a dozen! Sorry ladies!!!


I can pretty much guarantee he did cheat with the Ho's!!! Every married man I ever met over there, did cheat! The temptations were just too strong!!! Beautiful girls aplenty, walking around wearing very little, it isn't hard to make one cheat! Again, sorry!!!


I hope your marriage isn't completely doomed? Please try to get him and yourself to a counselor?!!! Any marriage as new as yours is, is worth trying to save!!!


I wish you boat loads of luck!!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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gd9900 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Dennis!! (please bear with me-gotta play devils advocate on this one!) Thanks for the evolutionary reminder of the "monkey see, monkey do" theory. I had almost forgotten about our primal instincts to survive...that includes procreation to insure the human race doesnt die out right? In 1978 there were approx 4.3 billion humans on earth. In one year the population grew by approx 75,000 - today 7 plus billion - which tells me, short of an apocalypse humans aren't dying out very quickly. So sex is just a primal instinct we must act upon when the temptation presents. Ironically in 1978, we were reminded of our primal "monkey see, monkey do" instincts with the infamous " drinking of the kool aid". ok enough on the historical references. Getting to my point, your rhetoric rings of the "its so easy, everyone's doing it" concept. This is truly a conflict of human interest...or is it? Humans are of a higher intelligence - some of us willfully choose lifelong partners and sustain a family oriented lifestyle. Whether half a mile down the road or halfway across the globe in the face of temptations a choice must be made...and everyone is entitled to their own choices...as well as living with the consequences. You cant control every situation, but you can control your actions. Dennis, this is not a knock on you - just the subject matter you brought to the table.
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
Being ex-navy and stationed overseas, I can tell you the temptations are there. I was married later in my military career and didn't fall to temptation. Before I was married, the good time was on.

He stated he got close to a fellow servicemember. Now the trust is broken, between both of you. 2 wrongs don't make a right as another poster stated. If still in military, get counceling on base. They have it at little or no cost. The hardest job in the military is spouse.

If you want to stay married while in, you both have to fight. If either one of you don't want to stay, no amount of counceling or desire by the other partner will keep it together. I seen to many families torn up by one partner not wanting to stay married and the other keeps trying to hold it together. It's the cause of a lot of domestic violence. The military will not stand for that. A DV charge could result in loss of housing, loss of liberty, and Dishonorable Discharge.

"Cheaters never prosper" is a wonderful saying.

Good Luck
 
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dfromspencer replied to gd9900's response:
Hi GD,


I think I hit a nerve? Sorry, I only meant that, all the married guys "I" knew, did cheat. I am sure there were many, many who did not!


I had a fellow service member that brought his lovely wife to Korea with him. They stayed in the hootch next door to me. I watched one night, one night my wife allowed me a couple beers at the bar, I watched as this guy picked up a lady of the evening, and take her to her hootch, when the door closed, I went home. I never said anything, but she still found out, he got V.D.! He gave his wife an S.T.D., nice of him! The walls are pretty thin between hootch's, I could hear most every word. Later, I had to drive her to the airport, so she could go home. I hated that drive, she cried the whole way to Seoul!!! I had the off chance to run into her again, later on, we both had the same class in College. She is happy now!


Sorry, I digressed! I just wanted you to know what I observed. I never meant to imply that, EVERY married guy cheated!!! Only the ones I knew! Sorry for the confusion!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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gd9900 responded:
Dennis as I said, my post wasnt a criticism on you. I think you misunderstood my point though...i didnt take what you said to mean every married man cheats. I apologize what I said came across that way. Ive been overseas in the military and I know well what you speak of as I saw it on some level also. One thing that bothered me in your post is your judgement of the OPs husband. You did in fact say every married man you knew over there did this, implying and even saying "I can pretty much guarantee he did cheat". I couldnt help but think what the OP might take from that statement. The purpose of my counter was exactly to point out that cheating is a choice and not everyone does it. The rest of it was merely a sarcastic retort to the undertones of the content in your post.
 
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dfromspencer replied to gd9900's response:
Hi Gd,


Ok, got it! Thanks for the clarification!


D.
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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