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    Understanding and Tending to Your Loneliness
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    Over the course of my career as a therapist, I have talked for tens of thousands of hours with people about a wide variety of emotional struggles. Of all the problems presented to me, one of the most deeply painful emotions discussed is loneliness. This is especially true when you consider the deep kind of loneliness that is a sense of feeling essentially different and alone in the world (even among friends). My heart hurts for them when I listen to their pain.

    What about you? Do you struggle with this kind of loneliness? If so, what do you find is most helpful for you? Do you know people who struggle with this? What do you do to try to help?

    If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here .

    Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.
    smiley2009 responded:
    Coming to this site has helped me deal with my issue with my husband's cheating. I felt a deep sense of loneliness because I couldn't share this with family and friends. I wanted to yell to the world that I was suffering yet again with his betrayal. My voice was silenced until I found this site.
    The truth is, I became a member in 2009 when he cheated the first time. I posted on here, and the advice helped. History repeated itself and I'm came back to a community that has welcomed me and shown great wisdom.
    To answer your question about ways to deal with loneliness, the first step is find a way to communicate with others. It has to be through positive methods. This site is extremely helpful.
    Another way is volunteer in your community. When you give and help someone, you are showing love unconditionally. In return you gain something back... a person's smile; after you cheered them up can last a life time. Go into action, the loneliness will lesson over time.
    If the feeling doesn't go away, please seek help from a professional; it could be health related or something much deeper.
    rohvannyn responded:
    When feeling lonely, that is, alone not by choice, I have noticed that it helps to read books (or even blogs) by people who have been in my same situation. Sometimes I will find suggestions for a solution, sometimes I just get the idea that I'm not alone in my experience. Either way, it usually helps.

    'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
    dfromspencer responded:
    I thought I struggled with this kind of loneliness, but then, I came here?! I realized that what I thought of as loneliness was not really that, rather it was being lonely?

    I have since met a woman on here, that I feel is dangerously lonely, and either doesn't know how to, or fears asking for help? And every time we have tried to help her, she seems to retreat more? I'm hoping this time, she sticks around awhile, and see's for herself that there are others who are lonely too? We also want her to know there is hope for her, no one is totally without friends! I met a really good friend when I was most lonely, I started reading books. Book after book, books by the thousands I read! It was my escape from reality! That was one way I found I was not alone, I met many a fellow book reader at the Library! Who knew? Also, and most important right now, or for the last few years now, I found this site!!! This site is a what you call a Godsend? I.D.K.? I'm not very religious, if at all? I digress!

    I learned from one very smart woman, that I needed to get out there, and meet some people. And so I did! Now, I have more friends, and even neighbors to talk to! I have thanked her profusely, but somehow, I just don't feel as if its ever going to be enough??? Right, Dr. Leslie??? LOL!!!

    Just know you are not alone, and that there is help for everyone, if you just ask?! I used to be shy, that was my biggest problem! After the help I received here, I have now adopted the "I put my best foot forward, and I try to make the best first impression, and if you still don't like me after all that? Then you wasted my time" Attitude!!! And I go on from there to the next one, and the next, and next, so on and so forth!!! Some will like me, some won't. Its life! Live it!

    That is my advice to all who feel lonely; "Read my quote from I put my best foot forward, all the way to Live it! But, if you suffer from acute loneliness, and feel there is no way out, seek help from a professional like Dr. Leslie!!!! She really knows how to help you!!!


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