I'm new to this site and hoping I can talk to some people who can relate to what is going on in my life. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years is a great man. He is kind and generous and generally a very good person. We had sex a few times early on then issues started to happen. It got to the point that he has zero sex drive, will barely kiss me (nothing intimate in well over a year) and his depression is very bad. He has been taking Androgel 1% for almost a month now with zero improvement. He told me he is only doing it for me. I get on his case when it gets to be too much for me and as much as I don't want to, I blow up at him.
I feel like he just doesn't love me anymore. He won't touch or kiss me and even when I ask him to help me feel good he won't. He told me when I use my toys that he feels like I am cheating on him. So am I expected to go over a year with zero intimacy???? At one point he even told me to find someone else to have sex with, just be careful and don't let him find out. I could and would never do that. Will things get better? How do I be more supportive of him? Please help me...I don't want to lose him.
In some cases, it takes a long time to help? I am very sorry for what he is putting you through, unfortunately, I did the same to my now ex-wife. I was only in my mid twenties when my E.D. reared its ugly head!!! Back then, I had never heard of Viagra? I was scared, confused, and very very very very depressed!!! I even got very angry at myself! I knew what I was doing to my wife was a torture for her, she had no idea what was wrong with me? I was to scared to admit what I had, and too scared to face a doctor over it?! I suffered in silence, and my wife suffered, too! I actually hated myself, especially for what I did to my ex.!!!
You have an advantage, you KNOW what is wrong, but not how to help fix it? You need to MAKE your BF. KNOW that you love, and will support him IF, and I make that a big IF, he will try other options! You tell him there are other options, and if he fails to at least try each one, you are done?! Of course, that is entirely on you, if you choose to leave or not?
The main thing here is, to make him believe you will be here supporting him, and understanding his plight, you WANT to help him!!!! Then, turn the tables on him! Men are naturally fixers. We want to fix all our problems ourselves! So, tell him you ache for his love and attention, but you feel the connection has broken somewhere along the line, and ask him to help fix it! If he is the man you say he is, then he should try to fix it?
He is at the stage where he knows he is interfering with you having enjoyable sex, and asked you to find some on the side! When I hit this point, I left. I left my wife and children, because I felt I was keeping her from a normal life? Yes, that is what I thought!
So, I hope you can turn this around, and get him to want to fix this problem???
I wish you boat loads of luck, you might need it?!
Hi. I just read your story and wanted to reply. Your BF should see his/a doctor for a complete physical with a blood test (testosterone levels measured too) to see if there are any other medical reasons for his 'condition' first.
I myself am on testosterone replacement therapy and I get shots with regular blood tests to monitor my 'T' levels. Before every shot I am asked a series of questions like how's my energy level, any depression or moodiness, how's my libido, any acne or enlarged breasts, etc. Testosterone is a controlled substance in case you didn't know. The reason for mentioning all of this is so you and he know that sometimes self-medicating isn't always the best medicine.
There could be more to his 'condition', but at least this is a good place to start!
Thanks for your Reply!
I really feel bad for you from a Woman's point of view and maybe I'm thinking of him to much but the first thing I thought after reading your post was (What about his feelings?) it is very hard for people to express their sexual needs and I honestly believe Men have an even harder time so my suggestion would be to yes have him go to the doctor and I think you should attend the appointment but also to put yourself in his shoes. He told you to go have sex with someone else???!!!???!!!! no man REALLY wants the woman they love to sleep with someone else but I feel like he is so embarrassed and just doesnt want to loose you but its also hard for him to face his issue head on because he doesnt have the drive, my suggestion BE HIS DRIVE! If you love him and have been dealing with this issue for this long it is worth putting fourth a true effort. I think he needs you more then you think : ) Good luck with everything I hope this helps ...xoxo
Seems to me his depression needs to be addressed along with the low testosterone. Depression can really kill your sex drive as well as make you feel worthless. I'm not talking medication, necessarily, but at least counseling. Good luck to you.
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