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MY RELATIONSHIP
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iloveamanda posted:

I was with Janet for 9 years, a weekend boy friend. I always wanted more, but because of her alimony, and raising her 4 children that was all she could give me. I was a bad husband to my first wife after 20 years. I was a cheating bastard. Had two lovely girls, that I spent lots of time with them, every moment. I was a stay home dad. I had to leave, because I cheated again and I knew that I really didn't love my wife for me to do that over and over. So I left, meet Janet. I fell madly in love with Janet and promised myself that I would be the best of the best boy friend and a true gentleman. I wasn't going to repeat my past. A new man. I wasn't going to hurt anyone KNOW more. I gave Janet every part of me, I did everything for her, I was a true gentleman, loved her kids, helped them anyway I can. I am a very romantic person, like to be close, holding hands, hugging, lots of kissing, sleep close, dancing, look into to her eyes, tell her how pretty she is. But Janet wasn't like that, every time I kissed her and asked for more, she would say "it's never enough". In her king size bed, she would sleep on the other side, she said "she needs her space". If I laid my head on her, she would say "Heavy Body Parts". It was tough getting close to Janet. I JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO SOMEONE.
I asked her to marry me several times, she said "when the kids(2) get out of high school". We talked about buying a house together, buying new furniture together, living together, she said "after the kids get out of high school" after being a weekend boy friend for 8 years, I was getting tired of the weekends. Then Janet broke her promises. Kids went to college, and I was ready to buy/ look together for a home. But Janet said that we were not getting along enough to move in together. She told me that she needs her alimony, and she would be afraid to give up her alimony and then get divorced a second time. She needs that money. She told me that what I make(pay) doesn't match her alimony. I told her we can make it, if I have to, I will get a second job. That wasn't good enough for Janet. So janet and I went looking for Janet's house, It was killing me, we were supposed to be looking for our home, not her home. Then I went looking for my own home, that made me happy. I wonder if I was doing that out of spite? When Janet moved into her home, we went looking for furniture for her new home, that was really killing me. Janet broke all her promises to me. I had to much angry inside of me. Fighting started happening even more. I just wanted to be with her more and more. Then in February 2013 she broke-up with me. One month later I had a herniated disc and was laid up. I ask Janet to help me, and to take me to the Dr., she bitched, telling me to get someone else to take me. I was so mad. After 2 months I started looking on line for woman. In May 2013 I meet a woman, one month later she asked me to start staying over her house every night, I agreed. It was what I always wanted from Janet, but never got it.

In September 2013, I moved all my stuff into Karen (new mate) house, and rented my home by October. In November I got a E-Mail from Janet, telling me that she went through a rough few months since we broke up. She had problems with her son, back to court with her X husband (15th time) and she had a cancer scare. Janet said "it was a wake-up call", and that she realized that life was to short (her mom died at 38) and she wants to marry me now, and love me forever. Janet has offered me the world, And Janet says she's sorry for how she treated me, and she should have married me a long time ago (She was always worried about her alimony). JANET SAY'S SHE WANTS ME BACK. I made a commitment to this woman(Karen)that I started a new relationship with. She is 57 years old and hasn't work in 23 years. I told her that I can't support both of us and she needs to find a job to help out with the bills and house hold stuff. Karen is having a hard time going on line (very nervous). Karen is a spiritual person, love her angels, believes in stone's(she says she can feel the stone), candles, oils, she tells me that she was other people in her previous life's. She goes to these physic's, medium's. She is into Reiki, she took classes and wants to do Reiki on people and become a Reiki master. I don't know too much about Reiki and I'm not sure if you can make a living doing Reiki. She said she got a calling to do this.??????
Anyway, she married young and had a child, and got divorced young. After 10 years she got married again after only knowing the man for 6 months. Karen was 37 and he was 10 years older than her. She said It was a bad marriage, he liked to drink and was always depressed. She was about to divorce him when he suddenly got ill and died. Karen got his 401K and his life insurance money. Karen says that before she could sell the home they lived in, she had to fix it to make it sellable. Once sold, she used the money to pay for her new home in cash(400,000). Karen was alone in her home, did not go to work, she was living of the money she had. Three years later she was running out of money (still no Job). When I meet Karen her house was up for sale. She was planning to sell home and move in with her parents. Karen and I started to date, after 1 week I was staying there every night. Getting what I wanted from Janet for so many years. Someone to come home to every night, someone to sleep close to all night long, every night, someone to be with everyday. So I was paying my bills and she was paying her bills. After 4 months I asked her to move into my home(that I haven't lived in since I meet Karen). The problem was that she couldn't sell her home. So after figuring out the finances, I told her let's stay in your home, and rent out mine. That's what we did. After 8 months Karen and I are still together with Janet texting me and calling me at work. I feel so torn, not knowing which why to go. Karen started looking for work in January 2014. Karen was a legal secretary for several law firms many years ago, but says she can't do that because of her bad back (that she had surgery on when she was younger), can't sit for 8 hours at one time. But she is really set on this Reki stuff, and wants to make it work. It sounds like reki or nothing. Yes I'm worried. Do I stick it out. My feelings for Karen, I love her and I love Janet. Maybe I don't know what love is. I have feelings for both. I'm afraid that if I move out from Karen, I will destroy her life.
I helped her in the last 8 months sale old stuff in the flea markets, helped her with a lawyer case with her 37 old son. I we joined our phone bill together, we pay bills together, we have gone on vacation together (2 weeks). I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. People say it's up to me, but I'm confused.
Please write back. I can us the help.
Reply
 
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An_251552 responded:
I dont have a good advice but I can tell that you're really in a very difficult situation. but i have a question,
who is Amanda?
the first wife?
and why can't you love your first wife?
seems like you're a really nice guy and not the choosy type I think maybe something is really wrong with your first wife
 
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dfromspencer responded:
This is a no brainer!!! Janet left you hangin for all those years, with no intentions of marrying you, or so it seems to me??? Why, why would you even consider giving up this loving, attentive woman, to someone who barely tolerated you? Janet gave you NOTHING!!! Now, now that she sees you happy with someone else, she wants you back? Hell NO!!! Well, that is what I would say, anyway! You have to make up your own mind!


As far as I can tell, you are hesitating marrying Karen, because she doesn't want to get a contemporary job, just wants to do this Reki stuff? Well, if that can hold you up, why would you ever even think of marrying Janet??? Look at all those things she held up on you?! She may have got a wake up call, but who do you trust to make you truly happy??? Not just on weekends, but forever???


I think you already know the answer? You just needed someone else to also see the answer! Now, if you are done, here, GO GET KAREN!!!


Luck!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Hi there, sorry to hear you are having trouble. Entirely independent of the feelings of the situation, I can tell you about the practicality of Karen's plan. First, Reiki is a new age "healing" technique based on ancient mysticism. Some say it works, some don't find any benefit. Unless she is very confidant and good at marketing she is unlikely to make any money at all on it. I used to be the sort who loved the crystals and oils and candles and all that, and when I was, I was not a practical person. This woman may be fun to be with but from a strictly financial standpoint she is unlikely to help you much. I wish you the best in your matters of the heart.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
My advise short and sweet.
Janet is easy. Janet and her problems to the curb. She wanted a check and not you. Now she wants your check.

Karen stay with, don't marry. Help, love, sex, and enjoy life. Don't marry. Keep finances separate. Let her build her own life, then decide on how you want to stay together.

The reason I keep saying don't marry, you have been not married and committed to each other. You don't need a piece of paper to stay together.

Good Luck
 
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iloveamanda replied to An_251552's response:
Amanda is my daughter. Divorced 11 years, not going back, door closed.
THANK YOU
 
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iloveamanda replied to dfromspencer's response:
THANK YOU, I hear you load and clear.
I am not marrying Karen because she will collect her died husbands SS, when she turns 63 old. This business that she wants to do "Reki", not sure if you can make a living from that.
Right know i support her. My money will run out if she doesn't get a job. Then what do i do?? I guess i'll wait till that day comes. I get nervous. With Janet it's finacial securuty.
 
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iloveamanda replied to rohvannyn's response:
THANK YOU for your input. This business that she wants to do "Reki", not sure if you can make a living from that.
Right know i support her. My money will run out if she doesn't get a job. Then what do i do?? I guess I'll wait till that day comes. I get nervous. I may have to move out of her home, to take care of myself, if it dosen't work out with her getting a job. And Reki is the way she is going. Boy i hate to walk out like that and tell her it's over, and leave her hanging. that will hurt someone thats trying to move on with her life. I came into her life, and now i walk out of her life. WOW, HELP
With Janet it's financial securuty.
 
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dfromspencer replied to iloveamanda's response:
You keep saying with Janet its financial security, why? Do you no longer love Karen, or is it only the money you care about? It sounds like you want Janet for the money, and Karen for the love? You can't have it both ways! You know that!


Don't be in a hurry to dump Karen. Why not ask her to come live with you, and rent out her house??? Or, vice versa??? Then, its a win/win situation, right? You get to keep all that money you are spending to keep two houses alive. Think of all the benefits? But, if she refuses, then you will have to decide how to proceed?


I don't know about you, but money has never been that important to me, as long as I have the basics, I'm happy?! Love is more important to me than money ever will be!!! If you love Karen, you will find a way to make it work, if not, well..... You can't just run back to Janet for the financial security, can you? Do you even love her, anymore?


I guess you will have to make up your own mind? Do you want the love, or the money???


I wish you good luck!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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rohvannyn replied to iloveamanda's response:
Well, like I said before, Reiki is one of those mystical healing arts. Quite a few people think it's bunk. It deals with the "energy fields" of the body. As for me, I am reserving judgement on its validity. But I do know one thing. If you are going to be in an alternative field like that, you are going to have to be really persuasive and have a good business sense to make any money at all in it. Sorry, but judging by your description of her I highly doubt she would be able to make significant amounts of money or anything approaching a living wage doing Reiki. That is, unless she has a really good mentor or a promise to join a healing practice or something like that. It's kind of like a medical field only it relies even more on the healer's charisma.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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iloveamanda replied to rohvannyn's response:
Thank You for that. Very helpful. i just wish i know what i was going to do with my life staying this woman. I am supporting her now. I don't have alot of money and don't know her that long. She's determined to do Reiki. So confused. Don't want to hurt her. Just waiting it out to see what happens or if i run out of money before she makes money. she's a great woman, BUT...........................
 
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iloveamanda replied to dfromspencer's response:
I moved in with karen and i pay all of the house hold bills. she has no mortgage. but she has expenses that she is responsable for. but she doesn't work. she has no income.
my account is going down. she wants to do REIKI. I know it sounds crazy, but i love them both in different ways. but with karen not having a job, makes things in the home diffucult. and hurts the relationship.
 
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rohvannyn replied to iloveamanda's response:
Sorry you are going through that. It sounds like Karen needs to find some kind of work. Reiki isn't going to do it, sorry to say.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ


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