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Sometimes I wonder. ....
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bigred53 posted:
If there is something wrong with me. Why haven't I found a life partner?

Is it because I'm a large woman? I can understand some men's aversion to big women. I also know that there are other men who love big girls.

Is it because I appear to be very confident and self assured and don't seem to need anyone?

Don't get me wrong I'm pretty happy with myself and I don't mind being alone. I'm working on losing weight - for myself and my health. I'm close to my family and I have some wonderful friends - male and female. I'm not lonely per ce but I would like to have a loving, physical relationship with a man who I can also be friends with. I don't need anyone to take care of me but it would be nice to have someone to rely on once in awhile other than family.

I think I have a lot to offer. I'm friendly but can be reserved until I get to know you. I love to laugh and tell jokes. I'm not afraid to laugh at myself. I also love to flirt especially when someone flirts back. I'm a good cook too but not the best housekeeper. I'm not beautiful but I'm not a crone either.

I think that some men find me attractive but nothing ever comes of it. Some people have told me I'm intimidating. That I have a 'don't F*** with me' attitude.

Of course at this time in my life it could be an age thing. I'm 60 but have been told I look between 45 and 50. I like younger men and I like men my age too. Heck I like men period. Age has not affected my libido at all thankfully.

I have thought that maybe the reason I don't have a partner is because I haven't exactly been out looking for one.

And just so you don't think I perfect I do have a temper. It's difficult for me to abide stupidity. I'm not cruel and I do have a lot of scars on my tongue to keep from needlessly hurting another.

Yep I'm wonder woman! Lol.

Any and all ideas and comments are welcome. Don't hold back. My feelings aren't all that fragile.

Thanks everyone!

Michelle
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi Michelle,


I don't believe that for one second! All real men love women! True, some may prefer a petite one, or one that is proportioned just so? Some like em hot, some not? There are a whole lot of men out there, that love big girls! My brother in my hometown has always loved big girls! Me, I like small breasted women with a big booty! Yep, there are guys for every girl, and vice versa!!!


You told me not to give up, just keep looking! Your Mr. Right may just be around the next corner? No one knows where love might find you? Perhaps on your next trip to the grocery, or maybe the movies? Who knows, right?


The thing is, we will eventually find that one right fit. And when we do, it will be fireworks, and explosions! Or, we could just find someone we are compatible with, and settle? Many do, and sometimes, they find they love each other down the road??? Who knows, right???


Michelle, I like you a lot, and I don't really know you?! So, if I can like you, there is someone out there, that will love you for who you are!!! You say you are not really looking? Well, when are you going to start? You can't find something without looking, right? RIGHT!!!


With your sense of humor, any man would be happy to find you!!! Plus, and this is a huge plus, you still have a healthy sex drive!!! Go on, get out there and mingle!!! I've been out trying, you can too! 16 in the last month, or so? All no's, but that will not stop me, I want to love someone also! I have all this love pent up inside me, for more than 20 years! Its time to release it!!!


We may both be in the same boat, but we will find that love for us, I know it!!! I feel it!!!


I wish you great success in your hunt, Michelle!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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bigred53 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Good morning Dennis and thank you for being such a sweetheart. Your kind words mean a lot.

Well, I don't have much of a butt and the more weight I lose the smaller the twins get...lol. I can barely fill out a C-cup these days. My step dad used to say that more than a mouthful was wasted...lol.

I don't go to bars anymore, not alone anyway, and rarely with a friend. When I go shopping I am friendly with everyone and I do try to smile. There are a couple of men at the grocery store I flirt with and I always seem to be able to make them blush. But alas they are not single. Maybe I should get myself back to church - occasionally there are some single men there but not often. A couple of years ago I asked my BBFF (best boy friend forever) to find me someone. I don't think he took me seriously though or maybe he wanted to keep me to himself...lol. I have been friends with him for over 30 years. Several times we have lost contact but we have always found each other again. We can talk to each other about anything and everything and laugh and cry together too. That's the kind of relationship I'd like to have with someone, with some good, dirty sex thrown in too of course.

I don't want anyone to think I feel sorry for myself in any way - I don't. I'm content with myself and the things I do have. Maybe that's why I'm not out actively looking. I don't know.

Dennis it's a good thing that you have Rosie and I have Bob or both of us would really be climbing the walls or banging our heads into it...lol. I think both of us need a big, warm hug!!

So how's the weather where you are? Here in Southern California we're in the mid to high 70's and will be back up into the 80's again by the end of the week according to the forecast.
I don't think we're going to have any kind of winter and to top it off we're in the middle of a drought. It doesn't even get cold at night. I want to be able to snuggle under a bunch of blankets.

Dennis, it's too bad you haven't been walking down my street. I probably would have said yes to you. I know you are somewhat physically disabled but the most important parts of you are intact - your mind, your sense of humor and your libido. I had a hip replacement (right one) in October of 2001 and prior to that I was in a tremendous amount of pain. I still have arthritis in other place but nothing like my hip was.

Hunt huh? Maybe I should change my name to Diana (the huntress in Greek mythology)...lol.

Well kiddo thanks for all the encouraging words!! I hope you have a great day as well.

Michelle
 
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sluggo45692 replied to bigred53's response:
Hi Michelle,

Your step-dad was a fool. As for finding someone, they are out there. You will never find a good partner in a bar. All you find there are drunks and leeches. In my experiance, the only men who go to church are married, at the point in their lives that relationships are not a priority, or sex is gone.

I met my gf through a internet dating site. I went out with a lot of women. I was a man whore after the ex and I broke up. I couldn't get enough. I emailed and talked to my gf for 3 months before we even met. It wasn't love at first sight, but I had come to respect and care for her by then. The sex came later, but she knew my specfic thoughts on that subject were and still are. She knew by the 3rd date it was put out or get out. I wasn't going through what I went through with my ex again.

Men do have it easier. I know I love a woman with a strong libido and a robust figure (gives you more places to kiss). Don't despair. I know there is some one for you.

Good Luck
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Hi, Michelle. It sounds like you have a lot to offer in a relationship. And, it sounds like you'd really like a relationship. So, I'm curious about your comment, "I have thought that maybe the reason I don't have a partner is because I haven't exactly been out looking for one." In thinking about this, I have 4 questions that you might find helpful to think about:


What keeps you from looking for a partner?
Is there some advantage for you in staying out of a relationship (e.g. do you fear some aspect(s) of being in a relationship?)
What do you think you can do differently in order to find a partner?
And given the things you know you can try to do, what keeps you from doing them?


I hope that thinking about these question will help to open up new insights and new ways of moving forward -- and bring you the joys of an intimate relationship.
 
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bigred53 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Thank you Sluggo and Dr. Leslie for your kindness and comments.

I have been thinking about joining an on-line dating site. I've got nothing to lose and possibly a lot to gain. At this time I don't have a home computer as I know myself well enough to know that I would spend too much time on it and not get the sleep I need to get myself to work. I can be a bit OCD at times. I do have internet access on my cell.

I think one of the things keeping me from a relationship is that I'm afraid they will try to control me and tell me what to do. I did have someone try that with me many years ago and I put him in his place. I was nice about it but he did get the message. I could never live that way or be happy. I don't necessarily want to be married or live with anyone. I would like someone to spend quality time with - in bed and out of bed. I don't have the need to be with someone 24/7. I do like and need my alone time. I hope that doesn't sound too selfish.

Sluggo I do know that bars are not a place to find a relationship. They are just for hook-ups. That can be fun occasionally but not as a steady diet. I went through that stage in the 70's and early 80's and had a lot of fun putting 'notches' on my belt...lol.

Dr. Leslie I will continue to ponder your questions and hopefully I will have a 'light bulb' moment. I do thank you for being here for all of us and giving such wonderful and heartfelt advice.

I hope that everyone has a great day!!

Thanks again!

Michelle
 
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dfromspencer replied to bigred53's response:
Hi Michelle,


I know you can do it, I have complete faith in you!!! Once you get out and about, don't stop flirting or looking for someone! You just never know, right? That is what I do, well, except the flirting part?! I only flirt if they initiate it! Otherwise, they may think I am nothing but a pervert, right? LOL!!!


Nope, I refuse to go to bars anymore!!! There is NOTHING there that I want, or could even enjoy using as a notch on my belt!!! Church is out! I am not a religious type person! I used to say it was a crutch, but I know its really a way of life for some?! So, I don't push my beliefs on anyone, and I hope they don't try that with me, I don't appreciate it, I can tell you that!! My best bet is to find her walking, getting her exercise on, something like that? Possibly camping? The last time I was there, I did meet someone who absolutely wanted me, but we were on the way out. More bad luck, on my part! I tried to get a number, but everyone, and all the kids were talking at once, and she never heard me, and she pried herself off my arm, and was gone!!! I keep trying to get my friend to go camping down there, so I could be invited to camp? But now, he has had a stroke lately and not likely to be going very soon?


You see? You never know where love might come along? And I do hope you ask those questions Dr. Leslie has for you? I asked myself those same questions, thanks to Dr. Leslie! At first, I never even would go outside very much? But after talking to Dr. Leslie, I have been out there more than I ever dreamed I would.


Yes, we, I thank Dr. Leslie for being here for us!!! She gives up her own time to be here to answer our questions, no matter how mundane! We very much do appreciate you, Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps!!! Please don't ever go away!!!


Well, Michelle, I for one, know you will find your special someone real soon, it is in the cards, I saw a Jack of Hearts when I was playing solitare once! Ok, sorry! I'm jesting! But I know in my heart that you will, and soon!


I wish you a good day, and a good night!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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bigred53 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Thank you Dennis for your faith in my abilities. I have faith in your abilities too.

I do wish that we could talk on a more personal level though. I've been thinking about posting my work email but I'm not sure if I should since it's not something that's public information. I guess I could post my work phone number but I would hate to cost you any money calling long distance. It's a cunundrum isn't it.

So my friend let's keep thinking positive thoughts for each other's future happiness no matter what happens.

BTW I've got to go buy batteries...lol

XOXOXO

Michelle
 
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dfromspencer replied to bigred53's response:
That is not a conundrum! All you need do is, make up an alias e-mail address, and when I get back to you, my address will be there, then all you have to do is, delete the alias address, and voile'! There you have it! If I knew how, I would set it up myself? I think its basically the same as a normal one??? Not sure, never done that? Hmm, I think I will see if I can set one up, also???


Do not post your real address on line, nor any phone numbers, if you can help it!!! I've done it here, cause I trust these guys. The bad thing is, there are others that come here to post their non-sense things, and could possibly be a threat? Sooo, try to make one up, I think I will try, also? Good luck!!!


Oh, and I know you will find someone!!! Now, run and get bob some power!!!!!!! LOL!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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bigred53 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Dennis, remember, I don't have a home computer and I haven't set up email on my cell. Guess I'd better get to doing that, huh? I told you I was technologically challenged...lol.

If I gave you my last name you could google me...lol. But then everybody and their brother/sister could too. Not happening. I do work for a state law enforcement agency so I am very aware of security, etc. You kind of have to be when all the agents in the building are carrying their weapons. It doesn't bother me as I was raised around guns and learned to shoot when I was seven. Never was a good shot but target practice could be fun. Once when I was a teenager I went deer hunting on horseback with my uncle and cousin. We didn't get anything but I loved riding so it was fun anyway.

Anyway, I'll have to ask my son when he'll have time to help me set up the email. He has been so good to me since my car has been sick - taking me to work and picking me up. Taking me to the store or wherever I need to go. It has been fun being able to have some good talks and laughs with him.

I let Bob rest last night - I was too tired. He got used and abused over the weekend though...lol

Have a great day my friend!!

Michelle
 
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sluggo45692 replied to bigred53's response:
Hi Michelle,

Couple of suggestions.

For a computer, go to the library. They provide free computers and you can set up the accounts that you need. You may even find a friend there. Watch what men read or borrow and then show some intrest in the subjects. Good way to start a conversation.

If you start using a dating site, this is what I did. I knew what I wanted. I was honest and truthfulness. Stated exactly what I wanted. I stated in my profile: no smoking, no drunks, what I wanted out of the relationship, what I wanted for my future, Stated I expected adult relations (sex). If they didn't live up to it, then they got passed over. They had to have a job or source of income (no free loaders), transportation, and a life other than me. They couldn't be on paper. Being in law enforcement you know what I mean.

Talk/email/chat first then meet in a public place. You only have to meet them once. If it's good, go on. If it's bad, end it. It's up to you.

With my gf, I didn't even have a picture before hand. Just a discription of her and her clothes. We had talked for over 2 months. She said she almost didn't come that night. She says now she's really glad she did come. So am I.

Someone is out there for you and your pleasure. Go find them.

Good Luck
 
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dfromspencer replied to bigred53's response:
Hi Michelle,


Its me again! Yep, I forgot you said you had no computer at home!!! My bad! Ok, so, I also forgot to try and set up a dummy account! My memory sure isn't what it once was!!! LOL!!! My doc. and I both think its "Oldtimers" kickin in?! LOL!!!


No, no way do you ever put you last name out there!!! Not even on a trusted site! They are all hackable with fairly minimal effort? I will see if I can set one up on Google?


I used to love to shoot, also, till I ruined my hearing doing it without putting the earplugs in all the way! I liked to hear that awesome report, BANG!!! To me, it was the sound of power? That loud bang could mean death for whoever, or whatever was at the business end of the weapon? POWER! My brother up here still loves it!


You are so lucky! You have a son that doesn't mind driving his mother everywhere? My kids live in Colo. Spgs. Colorado, so I don't get to see that much of them, or my grandkids? BUMMER!!!


Every time I write to you, I get this awful missing something sensation, and I figured it out, I am missing the ocean! I can't tell you how many times I sat on the beach, just watching the waves roll in, and head back out? Sunsets were so awesome!!! Sunrises were so awesome!!! Sleeping on the beach, sometimes with a blanket, most times not. The parties? The surfing? I miss it all!!!!!!!!!!!


I have to quit that, I got tears in my eyes from the memories! I found my first love down in Orange County, Riverside to be exact! We were too young, to say the least, but we knew what love was, that's for sure!!! I was 17, she just turned 16, and it was on!!! Oh, I had a 67 Firebird!!! My first muscle car! Ohhh, I loved that car, sold it when I went to Korea the first time! That was a huge mistake! Alas, it is long gone! Darnit, I'm gonna start crying if I don't stop this reminiscing?!!!


I bet ole Bob was sorta relieved for the rest??? LOL!!! Rosie took a break, too! She takes an awful lot of breaks, I noticed? Darnit, what do I pay her for??? Oh, wait, I don't actually pay her, I just promise it! LOL!!!


Better go, someone may need me? Take care, I will see what I can do for an e-mail for ya, cool? Cool!!!


Later,


D.
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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bigred53 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Good morning all!!

Sluggo I've been thinking about what you said about liking 'robust' women. That sounds so much better that fat...lol. I also like zaftig and Reubenesque. I'll also use 'fluffy' as in a nice soft pillow. That's me for sure...lol. Also, thank you very much for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate it.

Dennis, good memories should make us cry for the joy of the memory IMO. I too have some memories like that. A Firebird, huh? That's hot. My first car was a '72 VW bug. I had so much fun with that thing. Not exactly conducive to back seat loving though...lol. I was young then and lots more flexible. Ah, the good old days. When I was 17-18 my mom had a '68 Mustang fastback with a 302. Now that was a fun car. I always like the '68 Chevy Malibu SS. I knew some guys that had those with the 396 engine. I still love those muscle cars! The GTO, the Olds 442, and can't forget the Charger and Roadrunner. Fun! The rumble of those powerful engines excites me.

I haven't been to the beach for too long. There's just always so many people and no parking anywhere or it costs an arm and a leg. My son and his best friend will go fishing at the Huntington Beach pier once or twice a month. They don't catch a lot but that isn't always the point of fishing. My son has taken some beautiful pictures there.

There's beauty everywhere if you look for it and sometimes you will find it where you least expect it. That's the best. And I include people in that statement.

OK, here's a funny little thing that happened to me the other day. As I've mentioned I've been losing weight, well I was wearing some of my older, bigger pants because I haven't been able to find that color (gray) in a smaller size. Well, I went outside to have a smoke (bad) and I felt something funny so I reached down and my pants were on the verge of falling down. That would have been embarassing yet funny at the same time. But yet at the same time it made me feel good about myself. Sometimes it's the little things that can make a big difference to how you feel about yourself.

Well, my friends, I guess I'd better get some work done. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Michelle
 
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dfromspencer replied to bigred53's response:
Hi Michelle,


I agree, some wonderful, and very fond memories from long ago!!! I too loved the Chevy S.S. with the 396 and a four speed with factory air, no less!!! 66, or a 67 was my two favorite years, oh yes!!! Talk about a bug!!! I had a 67 with a Porche engine. A rich Lt. sorta friend of mine, we really couldn't be friends because of rank, but hey, he sold me that bug, in sky blue, with flared fender wells, and an apartment sized washer and dryer that were three months old, all for $600.! I absolutely adored that bug!!! If you drove it normally, it would go all month without refueling! If, like I couldn't keep myself from doing, if I put my foot into it all the time, I could still make three weeks. That thing would do wheel stands in second gear. I loved it, but the wife couldn't stand it, she couldn't learn how to drive a stick. I traded that to a guy for his 78 Mercury Capri, a little German sports car, with a three speed auto, it ran great!!! Ahhhh yessss, the memories!!!


Sayyyyyyyy Whaaaaat??? You haven't been to the beach in too long????? You live so close!!! What 25, or 45 minutes away? I can't remember what it took us from where Richie lived??? Riverside? Disney World, and Knots Berry Farms, all awesome places to go to!!! Back then, it was expensive, now, its outrageous!!! Give me the Pirates of the Crib. all day!!! I just loved going through there!!! I wonder if they still have the Twister coaster? What a blast!!! You need to get out more often, so, go find a nice wealthy guy, and enjoy the beach!!! LOL!!!


Funny you should mention that, it also happened to me, but the shorts I had on, went all the way down, with a child still attached! Bare assed, I had to bend over, grab the child and pry him lose, then struggle to pull them back up while buttoned! Yes, the entire neighborhood, or damned close, saw my wanger, and my booty, too! This was while we were having a get to know your neighbor block party. Yes, everyone got to know me, intimately! Of course there was much laughter, but I was so red faced, the outdoor sunlight was too much to take, I had to go inside for a while, just to cool off?! It was only 70 degrees that day! I could have died!!! I was so embarrassed! Yep, good ole memories, blahhhh!


Well, better go, you take care, I will let you know if I can get this other dummy e-mail thingy going! Later Gator!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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bigred53 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Good morning and happy Friday everyone!!!

So Dennis, when your shorts fell down were you going commando?...lol. I used to go commando years ago but since Ms. Kitty has a tendency to get very juicy I had to start wearing undies again...lol. I did have a skirt slip off while I was at work many years ago but it was a Friday and there was hardly anybody there. I did have a slip on so it was really not that big a deal. A co-worker that saw what happened and I did have a really good laugh.

Not much going with me this weekend. Just the usual kind of stuff - grocery shopping and laundry. Whooppee!! Heck, who knows, I just might shave my legs and stuff just for the heck of it...lol. You never know when somebody might come along and give me a rub...lol, or a nuzzle.

If I have the time I'll try to check in here over the weekend but if I don't I'll be thinking about all of you.

Dennis, I have green eyes that sometimes look blue depending on what I'm wearing.

Michelle


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