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Lonely at 48
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An_255699 posted:
I am a 48 year old woman and I am married with two teenagers. I don't talk to many people and I can count the number of people within my social circle on one hand. I can't seem to figure out what's going on with me because I don't allow many people into my circle. My comfort zone is being home and it's becoming a struggle for me to go to work every day. I don't like confrontations and I don't like crowds. I'm afraid to speak in fron of a group of people and when i'm with a group I tend to stand out or shy back from the group. I'm always worried about what someone thinks of me.
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smiley2009 responded:
I could feel your pain while reading. What is in your life that causes these emotions? What event triggered you to withdraw from others? You can not change what you don't acknowledge someone wise said. Dig deep and read Dr. Leslie Phelps articles for insight. I give you a virtual hug right now...you are loved and deserve to feel that way all the time. Take a deep breath and ask yourself some tough questions.
Keep us posted!! We are here for you.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
WOW! Like Smiley said, I too, felt your pain! No one should ever feel this way! You say your comfort zone is being at home? Why do you feel this way? What has happened to make you feel this way??? Has someone at work said something about you that isn't true? Maybe someone scrawled on the bathroom stall wall, something horrible that isn't true? There must have been a trigger, or, is it that you have always been shy? Being an ex introvert myself, I can tell you, its no fun!!! I also agree with Smiley that, you should read Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps's blogs? She is the best thing that has ever happened to the web!!! She can help you!!!


I hope you will stick around for a while, let us get to know you, at least a little?! Know this, you are perfectly safe here!!! No one, I mean absolutely no one here will ever be mean spirited, or laugh at you, nothing, ok??? WE are HERE for YOU!!! Please let us at least try? If for what ever reasons you feel necessary, you may leave then, ok? Please let us help you, if we can?
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I'm glad you have joined us here and I hope that the responses help you to feel supported. Many people here find more help when they share more specifics about their struggle, as smiley and dennis have asked. Also, you might find it helpful to give the details of one very specific situation so that people can respond with more specifics.

I have found that people who have the kinds of struggles that you describe often have many negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. Can you relate to this? If so, how?
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
You sound like me about 10 years ago. I figured out my problems and change my life style. I'm not recommending what I did (I divorced my problem), but I can tell you some ways to help. As for people in my circle, I'm up to 2 hands now.

Exam what you have in your life, what you want in your life, and then how are you going to get it.

Do you want a lot of people in your circle? If yes, do you go to church, volunteer, or even talk to the people at the grocery store? I am amazed every day when I walk in to a business and they call me by my name now. That didn't happen 10 years ago.

Your social circle should be people you want to spend time with, not just to be social.

You say your comfort zone is being home. That's a good thing. You have to have some where safe to go from this cold hard world. If your comfort zone is your work, then your priorities are confused. You should be comfortable at work, but it shouldn't be your comfort zone.

As for a struggle to go to work, do you work in a prison, drive a school bus, work retail, or work somewhere where your life is in constant danger? Look at the reasons (2 teenagers) you go to work and judge why you have to and want to go to work.
They should be your motivation. My son (17 yr old) is my main drive and my future is my second motivation. I want to show him a good example and provide for him.

In my job, crowds and loud means trouble, so I love the quiet and non-confrontational. I don't like problems, but I strive to overcome them. In large groups, I tend to be alone. It's just me and I accept that. I would much rather be in the background than on stage. My last big function was a spaghetti dinner I had to cook for. I only came out of the kitchen when I had to. It was for the Boy Scouts and I'm the Scoutmaster.
If your teens are into anything, become an activity mom. You'll be suprised how much you step up and out of your comfort zones when it's for your kids. 10 years ago, I wouldn't have ever thought I would do this. Now I can't see myself not doing it.
I was the kid who walked out of the school dance, because I was to shy to ask a girl to dance. The school was 30 miles from my house. My mom picked me up 5 miles from school on a back country road. That's how much I didn't/don't like crowds, confrontations, and speaking to others. There is hope for all of us shy people.

Good Luck
 
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stellagonzalez responded:
Hey we all with you, try to come outside from this horrible situation. You have to take the initial step we all will support you.


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