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this is who i.am
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dem16 posted:
need to be to be forgiven for the things that i have done. i want to deal with.everything. . how can i forget my past. if you throw what i have done in my face.
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Dem, I'm sorry that you are struggling. Please let us know what you would like to be forgiven for. Also, what do you think is being thrown in your face? Or, is it that you fear that this will happen?
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi Deb,


How are you? I'm still about the same, you know, can't live with the pain, but you have to, anyway?! I hope you feel better than last time! And maybe this time, you might tell us more of your problems?


I don't get it? If someone is throwing your past in your face, all the time, why bother with them? Is this your family doing this to you? I would like a little clarification, if you can provide it?


Dem, you will never forget your past, it is always a part of you? Sure, we can forgive, but forget? Not happening, unless you get Alshiemers?


You know, if people are throwing your past back in your face, over and over, means they are insecure about something in their own lives?! Perhaps you could turn the tables on them, and throw things back in their faces??? It might certainly be worth it, if it works, right?


I wish you tons of luck with these people!


Your friend,


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dem16 replied to dfromspencer's response:
thanks everyone, this isnt about about anyone group of people.. it is about my every day miserable life. you see i am just one of those people that stands up for what i believe is wrong. then,i am labeled.a.troublemaker or there is something mentally wrong with me. then people backoff of me. i have no trust in myself or life.,i have not been able to bring myself to take care of my medical needs because of how deep the wounds are
 
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dem16 replied to dem16's response:
care about you all. please be careful reading this .dennis i am really glad you.were not hurt. but i am sorry that the accident happenec
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Thank you, Debbie!!!


That means a lot to me, coming from you!!! I'm not sure why we should be careful reading this? I am glad you wrote more than just a line or two!!! And, what is so wrong with standing up for what you believe in? There are, unfortunately, people in this world that, just don't understand that concept, standing up for ones self? That is a shame!


You never have to fear that, here, you do know that, don't you? We would encourage you to stand up for what you believe in, unless it would harm someone else? You don't sound like a mean person?


I hope you don't really feel that way? No trust, even in yourself? There is one person in this world you should trust more than any other; YOURSELF!!! I trust you Deb.! I'm sure there is a lot of others that would, also?! You trust me, don't you? I trust you!!!


I am so glad to hear from you, once again, Debbie!!! Please don't be a stranger, come back soon!!! Thanks again!


Your friend,


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dem16's response:
I also am not sure why we need to be careful reading this, and am glad that you have shared a bit more. Maybe you can tell us a little more about what you stand up for, what you can't trust in yourself, or what medical needs you have that you are not taking care of. Then we can try to be supportive in whichever area you pick to tell us about.

By the way, Deb, I'm sorry that I referred to you by your old screen name when you have taken the step to share your real name. I have no excuse but being in the habit of referring to people by their screen name and you by Dem; and a lapse in memory. - Dennis, thanks for the reminder.
 
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dem16 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
thank you, dr phelps, you dont need to apologize,it does not bother me. i wish i could answer that but i dont want to upset anyone here,by saying what is in my l head.,you all have been so kind
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Hi Debbie,

Thanks for coming back on, we really like to hear from you!!! And, just for the record, we are here for EXACTLY what you say would upset us!!! Deb, this is the place to go, when you have a problem and need help figuring it out! Or, if you just need an ear to talk to, we are here for that, too!

Deb, please think of us as friends, ok? We are here to support you, listen to you, or just to rant for a bit? Anything you have a problem with, please feel free to come here, to us, your friends?!!! Ok??? No matter what you say, we will try our very est, to answer it with care, and thoughtfullness, i promise you that!!! If its something personal, or has to do with feminine problems, you could probably ask one of the ladies here, or ask Dr. Becker-Phelps? Maybe they could give you an address to go to, and tell them in private? You see, there are many ways we can help you, right here?!!! You have to trust someone, why not a friend? You have several right here!

I hope you do decide to use us, after all, that is why we all come here, right? Right! Thank you again, Debbie! Till next time, please take good care of yourself, ok?!

Later my friend,

D.
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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bigred53 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Debbie we don't know each other well but I feel your pain. Dennis and the doctor are right. I think you would feel so much better if you could bring yourself to release those painful things in your life in this safe place. I know I feel very safe here as there are so many caring people.

I don't know if there is anything I can do to help but I'm a good listener and I promise I will never judge you. None of us are perfect but it appears to me that we all want to help each other in any way we can.

Please come back when you can and let us be your friends.

Michelle
 
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dem16 replied to bigred53's response:
my relationship with life i is a nightmare that i have never woke up from. i have alwAys been told to forget the paat and move forwar,but yet i keep runing into people that tell me that i have not made enough postive progress or trset i hrave or that i am just mean. i feel so lost. i have not had my operation yet. people will be glad that i will be not around to cause them grief. you don need to hurt you
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dem16's response:
Debbie (or do you prefer Deb?), People can't generally just choose to forget what's happened to them. And to choose to ignore your feelings is not being respectful of those feelings (or, of your experience). Also, people generally find that when they try to ignore or suppress painful feelings, those feelings come back in some way. Instead, they generally do better to find a way to tolerate the feelings and cope in a positive way with them. Often it helps to start by sharing just a little bit at a time... kind of like what you are doing right now.

As for the idea that you are "just mean," I don't buy it. I have yet to meet the person who is just mean for no reason. If you have done or said things that you think were mean, then it was out of some kind of hurt or anger or pain or for some kind of self-protection. And, anyone who is in pain deserves understanding, compassion, and healing. And, anyone who feels unsafe in this world deserves to find a way to feel safe.

Finally, you say that people "will be glad that I will not be around to cause them grief..." I know that you feel this way, but think about it: is this really what you have heard from people here?

Debbie, remember this: The way out of emotional pain is to open to new, healing ways of thinking and feeling. No one can do this all at once. But they can sometimes do this a little at a time. They can try being more compassionate to their own pain. Or, they can consider the possibility of happier -- or at least less painful -- interactions. Maybe you can do this here? And with your therapist? And, maybe even with certain other people in your life who show caring?
 
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dem16 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
that is twice. that i needed t say thanks because your right. i do express my feelings just enough to cope. what makes it worse is i am afraid to talk to people. because i get accused of misunderstanding or i overstating something. like i said you dont have to hurt yourself with out taking pills.,i am so sick living
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Hi Deb,

How ya doin? Long time no see, eh? No? Ok, you got me there, it hasn't been that long! Thanks for coming back! I was hoping you would?!

You see, this is exactly why i asked you to come back more?! There are more compassionate people right here, than i know out there! (outdoors) Now, you even have Michelle offering to talk with you? Maybe you have more friends here, than out there, too? I just met Michelle a short time ago, and we are really good friends already! I am almost possitive she could be your friend, too?! She has offered an ear, already? I'm sure her heart will follow along like mine did?! I concider you a very close friend, i hope you see me in the same light?!

We may not be right in each others living rooms, or what not, but we can, and are, really close friends, right? I hope we are? No, i don't think anyone here will be jealous, why would they? If you want to start a conversation just with one certain person, the rest of us will but out, ok??? We know how to give each other privacy, right Michelle? Even Dr. Becker-Phelps said she didn't want to get into Michelle's and mine conversation! But, something had caught her eye, and i was glad it did! You see? You can talk privately with anyone here you want to?

I really am sorry you have such hurt feelings! No one should be allowed to put another down, for any reason! That just isn't right!

You have to take pills, too? Oh wow, i take a handful in the morning, another ew around 3pm., and another, BIGGER handful before bed! How bout you? I have to live with chronic pain, cause nothing touches nerve pain worth a darn! So, i just smile and bear it, no one else should suffer cause i do!

Don't be afraid of talking to us, or any one certain person, that is what we are here for, to help, and or get help! I hope you find someone who you like, and can talk to, you deserve much more than it sounds like you get?!!! Take care of yourself! Come back real soon, please?!

Bye for now, Debbie

Your friend, Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dem16 replied to dfromspencer's response:
just ra?bling, sometmes when i get up i put on ?y fake smile ,going alomg with the present is the place i need to be .,but it a lie. i am only be kept as.an emotional punching bag. i am sick of living in a world that doesnt want me


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