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Checking In
songbird177 posted:
Hey, all. Came back for an update. Counseling has been going well and my husband and I are communicating better. Only problem is that he suddenly revealed that he doesn't want kids ever. He is 25 and I just turned 30. This is a huge deal for me. I feel like I am the only one left from my family, having both parents passed on, and feel that need to reproduce, or at least adopt. Adoption would probably be better due to my bad back. But anyways, I always saw myself as having a big family, like 4 or 5 kids, or even 1 would be nice. So it breaks my heart to hear him say this. In the beginning of the relationship, it was different. Now, this is his answer. The counselor said I need to make a decision. It is so hard. I feel like we've grown back together and fell in love again and now this whole kids thing is just breaking my heart. I don't know which will give me more happiness, staying with him or leaving to have kids with someone.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Wow. I'm glad you are checking back in, but what a dilemma! I wish I could solve this for you. Want to pour out more of your thoughts/feelings here about this? We're always here to listen
dfromspencer responded:
Hi again,

Thanks for coming back to let us know how things are going!

I think i can help you here, if your husband flat out refuses to have a baby or three, then tell him you are going to find someone who will!
tell him what you just told us, about you parents, and how you feel about that?! Tell him about adopting kids so that they will have what they need also, a loving family!

However you decide, please think about how you are going to feel when you have none at age fifty, even 40? I think you should really follow your heart on this one!!!

I know you are going to be a fine mother!!!

gd9900 responded:
Before you make a decision, have a heart to heart with hubby. Gently point out with him, that was not the deal when you married. If his position on having kids has changed, let him know that might be a dealbreaker for you. The reality is your clock is ticking away. Ten years can sneak up on you fast...