Skip to content

Announcements

Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Includes Expert Content
Dilemma
avatar
Anon_11642 posted:
Not sure if this is the right board for my problem - if it is please let me know which board to go to.

I finally pushed forward and got the nerve to ask for a part-time job where I live. I used to work at this place in the 90s but their staff has shrinked due to money problems - it was with the chamber and they always had that as an issue - but did tell the director that I was great in getting membership set up etc where others couldn't - anyway havent heard from her so went in there today and she told me that one board member was for it but it needs to be approved by all board members and she would call me if it changes.

So, with that I am thinking maybe I should look elsewhere - we have a hospital in the town I work - dont really know what to do. Since being retired I really am so bored even though I belong to several clubs etc - maybe I just have the need to be needed.

I help out with babysitting my grandson who is 5 who lives down the street and belong to a knitting club and my church meets once a week for Bible study and do help out making rosaries, etc - but still I have this need to do more.

I guess what it boils down to is I am pretty bored with retirement and dont want to go down to senior center - feel like it is a nursing home when I do go there and not in that category yet - anyway, I'm venting here as I dont know what to do - maybe if I just pray about it I may get some new ideas on what my strategy is next.

Thank you for listening. My husband is retired but he likes to go down to farm every day to help our son who needs him so anyway, thanks for listening.
Reply
 
avatar
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I think the community here might be able to help you and certainly can support you, so I'm glad you've reached out to us. And, just so you know, this is a topic that has come up here before.

It sounds like, as you said, you need to be needed and you also need to find meaningful connections and activities. It might help to start by thinking about what kinds of activities might give you a sense of meaning. What do you (or can you) do that would give you a sense of satisfaction? Maybe there is a club or job that would fit with those interests? Or, maybe you can create an opportunity for yourself? For instance, you say you want to feel needed- are there jobs (paid or volunteer) that would offer that at a local hospital or daycare?
 
avatar
dfromspencer responded:
Well hello again,


I'm so glad you came back!!! So, how are you and your son's wife getting along these days? Last time, you said the tensions had eased a bit? Are they still? How is that grandson of yours? He is 5 already? My how time flies?!


I can emphasize with you, I also would like some meaningful employment, but my disability, and the medications I take, make employers frown, and show me the way out!!! I have to keep myself busy, and after so long, you run out of ideas? So, then what to do? Yes, I know how you feel!


That's too bad, all of us were wanting you to get that job you wanted in the hospital?! Or was that a clinic? Don't blame me for not remembering, these meds make me forgetful! I wish I could throw them away, but I would be crazy with this pain in no time!


I remember you saying you lived in a small town, so yes, I can imagine the shortage of jobs! I really don't have anything to add, we discussed this before, and we ran out of options, if I remember correctly? How far are you from the nearest city? If its not far, would you be willing to commute both ways daily? Then again, if you find someone who is willing to share the ride, split the gas, maybe it would be something to consider???


I just don't know what else I can suggest? We already went through the job market in your town. SOooo, maybe someone here can help you actually find a good job, part time?! We can hope, can't we???


I want to wish you great success!!!


Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
avatar
tmlmtlrl responded:
I seem to think that it's not just "something" you're looking for, but more of a deep connection. I bet you could be busy most of the day and still have that empty feeling.

It would be nice if you could find that with your husband. Find something new you both enjoy together or go help on the farm. But, I'm guessing after all these years you probably know what you do and don't like about the farm...still maybe worth another look?

So thinking about finding a deep connection makes me think of two categories: children & animals. Can you help out with disabled children somewhere? I imagine that would have to be a fulfilling experience. It would create deep connections with wonderful people and probably be tiring too.

Could you get a dog? Or even help out at an animal shelter? A dog does need most of your time and the bond created with one is pretty special. Plus, I'm sure your grandson would happy if you got a dog

Just a few thoughts. Good luck
 
avatar
Anon_11642 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
Thank you - at my age and my husband's we should do more together but farming is very difficult to find people to help and my husband feels he is very needed to help our son with bringing tanks, getting food, plus many other things. He loves to do this every day and he feels guilty if he takes time away if he is needed. Good help is very hard to find on a farm.

So, I have to find something I would like to do - when I applied at this chamber of commerce I used to work there and liked it - I quit because they couldn't afford to give me many more hours. The main thing they do to bring in money for my salary is memberships - they need more and I was so good at it the director told me to slow down as she didn't want to make so many membership calls. I told this to the director that that was my strength.

It just seems to me that we cannot always get what we want. She did say, however, she would keep me posted - but she needs to remember that I can bring in more money into the chamber. Anyway, I told her to call the former director about my abilities.

But, all of you are right - we need to follow what we enjoy doing. But it isn't always that easy to get it -

I dont want a job part time where I have to go in certain days, etc - just for now want one day job. I could go to the hospital but not sure if that is what I want - I dont like being in a big office with a lot of women. I am 70 years old and in pretty good health but don't want a lot of stress and I know that working with women can be pretty stressful - I know all about that with former jobs.

So, anyway, thanks for your comments. Getting a dog - not sure - we used to have a collie that ended up being so much work for me and she should have been at the farm - we now have a fence which we didn't when we had the collie. I don't know what I need.

I think I will just pray about it and maybe I will find something. I Am at my best when I'm busy and satisfied in what I do.

Thanks again for your helpful thoughts. I do appreciate them very much.
 
avatar
sluggo45692 replied to Anon_11642's response:
Here's a couple of suggestions.
You said there is a local hospital. Find out if they have a volunteer department. Someone just to talk to patients or work the info desk. Usually the work 1-2 days a week for a couple of hours.
I know our local church offers free meals 2 times month. One dinner and one lunch. There are about 6 churches that offer this over the course of the month in my area. I know they always need help.
Goodwill, Salvation Army, Volunteers of America, or even the local food pantry can alway use help. The local schools take volunteers to help the students in education or sports. Girl Scouts or even Boy Scouts can use help guiding our young people to better things.
Let the Kids have the part time jobs. I say that because if your financially set and bored, the unemployment rate is high and the younger folks need the jobs.
Also as a volunteer, you make the schedule when you can work. If you can't show up for some reason, they can't fire you.
Don't forget to make sure pa doesn't forget he's retired also. Drag him off a little. Isn't that what retirement is about. ENJOYING your life and your life partner.
I don't recommend a pet. Your retired, not raising more children. That is a replacement for children, in my opinion. Why would you want to clean up crap, hair, and chewed up items all the time. They just tie you down and you can't always go where you want.
These are just some recommendations and my opinion. I hope you see that retirement isn't just quitting life. It's a new course in a ongoing ride.

Good Luck
 
avatar
Anon_11642 replied to sluggo45692's response:
Thank you - appreciate your help. Wouldn't mind the medical records dept but not sure if I want to ask for volunteering or being paid - give that some thought - thanks again.
 
avatar
maritsa83 responded:
I admire the honesty in the need to be needed & venting. .. I send prayer your way you find what you're looking for


Featuring Experts

Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

Helpful Tips

How to choose a therapistExpert
Choosing a therapist is an important decision because entering therapy is a big investment; it takes energy, time, and money. So, take the ... More
Was this Helpful?
16 of 26 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.