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Finding Happiness
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
Being truly happy is much more than just feeling pleasure. It means leading a life that is also filled with meaning and fits with your values. To nurture such a life, it helps greatly to build on your strengths. For instance, you might consider yourself to be creative and put that to good use in raising children, teaching, or being a professional painter.


What has your experience been in finding (or not finding) a meaningful life?




If you would like to read more in detail about this topic in my The Art of Relationships blog, click here .


Dr. Becker-Phelps's discussions and her responses in those discussions are for general educational purposes only. If you need help for an emotional or behavioral problem, please seek the assistance of a psychologist or other qualified mental health professional.


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dfromspencer responded:
Hi Dr. Leslie,

If you ask me, this is what we all strive for, either knowingly, or not? I tried so hard to do what these people say, but when the ex ruined my career, it was the end of my good motivation!

Now, after listening to you, and the many others that have been on here, my focus is back! The problem now, my disability! No one seems to want to really get to know me? Oh sure, there are some who entertained the notion of liking a cripple, but soon, they are gone!!! Most say its my income, i say, at least i have one!!! Oh well, i know one day, i am going to find that one woman that doesn't care if i limp, and doesn't mind making more than i do?! I know shes out there, the problem i have is, WHERE???

Thank you for another awesome blog!!! Keep em coming!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
Hi, Dennis. I can appreciate your desire for a special woman in your life, but this blog speaks more broadly to people finding a meaningful path in life and to building on personal strengths. I can guess what you find meaningful and what some of your strengths are from some of what you've shared, but perhaps you want to share more about these?
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Everybody says they want happiness, but some of us don't know how to seek it or remember how to seek it. So many of us think that happiness is something we will find only when certain circumstances are met. I am learning, at least for myself, that there is no such thing as happiness unless you have the right mindset to begin with. I've met unhappy people who have pretty good situations really, and yet are unable to see that because they are pessimistic. I've also met at least one person who is completely homeless, living in a box, endures hardship daily, and yet they were happy because they saw the small joys and beauties in life.

Building on your strengths is a great way to find meaning in your life, I agree. I've found that to be true when I have returned more to my art. Sometimes, when I am in the right mindset, I have even found happiness in my rather stressful job, because I enjoy putting my problem solving skills to good use.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to rohvannyn's response:
I'm so glad to hear this, roh. Your art does seem like a wonderful place where you find happiness. What a treasure! And, it's also good to hear that you find happiness at work, something that I wish many more people could honestly say given how much of our lives we spend there.
 
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dfromspencer replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Hi Dr. Leslie,

Yes, i see. After re-reading the blog, i get it! I think my strongest strength is my mind? I have more focus. When i need to concentrate on something, like giving up tobacco, i used my mind. I concentrated on the good benefits to my health. If i concentrate like that, i feel i can accomplish anything!

Resillency, I bounce back from anything. My divorce. Losing custody of my kids. being disabled. Having E.D., that was a big one!!! Losing a good job. Name it, i have probably been there/done that, and i am still here!!! Sure, i will be hurt many more times before i cease to care, but until that day, i will be right here doing the same thing, living!!!

Truthfulness, that is all that needs said, except lying to me! I hate to be lied to! I know now how that feels, i used to lie about a lot of things. No more! Honesty is always the best policy!!!

I know i have many more, but i am running out of time. I will have to get back to this later.

Take care, Dr. Leslie,

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dem16 replied to dfromspencer's response:
hi, sorry i was under the weather. dont you love when you make plans and it never works the you plan. ........dr phelps ,in answed to, your.questions . pa services for the mentally ill and kids like him are horrible. if he is risk to humans,.then he will get all the services he needs
 
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dem16 replied to dem16's response:
posted this.in.the.wrong thread. i will report it and ask them to move it. i write off my phone sorry.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
Dennis, from what I see here, another strength of yours is compassion. And, in my opinion, that's a wonderful one to have!
 
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dem16 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
second that statement. that is one of your best strenghs.,that is why we.are all lucky to know you.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dem16's response:
Hi, Debbie. I appreciate your effort to get this to the other thread. Not to worry, though, about moving the comment. I just responded there.
 
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dem16 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
hey dennis,.i wamted.you to read whAt .dr.phelps.wrote. to you. i am sorry i wrote on the wrong spot, it messed things up
 
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dfromspencer replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Ah yes, you are so right Dr. Leslie! You too, Debbie!!! I have learned how to be compassionate from all of you here!!! Otherwise, i would still be shunning people?! It is so nice to have people that care about you, and your well being! And of course, its so nice to give it back! Compassion is love, a sharing of ourselves! I could never even imagine how awful life would be if no one had compassion for other's.

I was evil once! I had no compassion for myself, how could i have it for anyone else? I wanted to hurt people, so they would know how i felt! I was still in a pretty dark spot when i found this site. I learned compassion from all of you, and more, how to give compassion, and by giving it, i got it back in spades!

My family members have commented on how compassionate i have become. They even said i looked brighter? I guess that means i have lost that evil that had so darkened my life? I owe it all to you guys! I can't thank you enough, and i cannot thank my lucky stars enough, that they led me here!!! I don't know about brighter, but i sure feel lighter?! When you hate, and have hate thrown back at you, you feel heavy! On the other side, if you feel loved, and give love back, you feel so much lighter!!! Like you could almost float?! THAT, is compassion, the ability to love even a stranger, enough to say, help him when he is down, or needs something you have, and can give, that is compassion! That is what i feel, now! It is a happiness i cannot explain?! A lightness? A brightness? What ever it is, i like it!!!

Thank you, Dr. Leslie, and thank you also, Debbie, for saying so!!! That means a lot to me!!!

Now, i must be off, have other things to accomplish today! Please take care, both of you!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Not to worry, Debbie!!! We will see it, or like you just did, correct yourself?! Thank you for saying i have compassion, that really warms my heart!!!

D.
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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