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this how it goes
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dem16 posted:
listen,.i.understand what you are saying but you need to understand somethings.,in,the last.years i have made alot of progress.,even my therapist said the same thing lastweek.,that i.was not that he met.four years ago. but what i am dealing with is the surrpressed,rage. on saturday when his dad.picked him up i confronted him on how i felt
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dem16 responded:
after 17 years of using me. i did that in text messages the last time. not once did i hear i am sorry or i didnt mean to hurt you, instead he looked right through. i have learned that what i am to blame is for is trying to look for love is keep making,one mistake after aenother.,i left a message for my therapist that when i came to see him on 7/16 i want him to put me in,
 
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dem16 replied to dem16's response:
my phone is giving me a problem,.i.wasnt trying to write this if he didnt i was going to put myself.and no one would find me.but i.didnt here from him today
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Hi Deb,

I am sorry, i think you missed the point i was trying to make? I know all about suppressed rage, i had it in spades! Don't you remember my story? How my mother was murdered by a chicken hearted alcoholic!!!! I was still a kid when this happened, i carried a rage you could not even imagine!!! Year after year it ate at me! Year after year it festered and grew!!! It consumed who i was, who i had been, what i wanted to be! Rage was all i had! You don't think i know what you feel? Oh, i do, i most certainly do!!!

I was trying to get you to do the same thing i had to do? My life was literally saved when i found this site, and Dr. Leslie!!! She was the one who got me to think about forgiving this murderer, so i could be me again? I did just that, i forgave the murderer of my mother! Guess what? I feel whole again, alive again, ME again!!!

You are going to have to forgive the butthead, if you ever hope to feel whole again!!!! Then, another thing you MUST do, you have to forgive yourself, also!!!

I'm sorry Debbie, you do know i am on your side, don't you? If it helped me, it might help you also? Don't you see? Ask your therapist next time you see him, ask him if you should forgive whoever hurt you, and then forgive yourself for letting it happen to you? See what he says? If he is as smart as Dr. Leslie, then he will tell you yes?!

In the mean time, ask Dr. Leslie if she thinks i am right? Seeing as how this is what she told me, then she will tell you the very same thing?!

I only want what is best for you, Deb, i am not trying to feed you poop sandwich! LOL!!! Please help yourself get over this, okay?

I'm sorry if i confused you!!! I wish only for you happiness, and recovery from rage!!! Do not feel guilty, it only makes the abuser happy!!!

Good luck, my friend!!!

D.
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dem16 replied to dfromspencer's response:
just needed to say hi, feeling alone.,you are all in my thoughts
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Hi Deb,

You don't have to feel alone, we are right here beside you! Hi to you, also!
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dem16 replied to dfromspencer's response:
hey dennis, i do understand
 
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dem16 replied to dem16's response:
this is taking along time. i spoke to my therapist 2 days ago, i told him exactly what i felt. he said that he was going to try and squeeze me in for next week and that he wanted me to.and he would be looking for me. but first he would need to be with his wife for her operation. i just could not bother him
 
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rohvannyn replied to dem16's response:
I am thinking of you too, Deb, and I wish you well.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Aww, that is so sad, i hope his wife will be o.k.? That was very magnanimous of you, Deb! To willingly give up on something for another's welfare, wow, you never cease to amaze me?! You see, you are an awesome person, i knew that all along?!!!
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dem16 replied to dfromspencer's response:
thanks everyone, i know he will be not happy with me for not,checking in and it has not been easy. but i stopped to think he has done so much for all of us in the last 41years and has.done it well.i have been lucky the last 4 years, he listened to me the way i needed to be listened to. he treats people like people not dollar signs.,in addition,to where we meet he works at least 2 other jobs.,no one,forced me to do this, it was my,choice.,some needed to give back to him. his head needed to be with his wife
 
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dfromspencer replied to dem16's response:
Hi Debbie,

So sorry i missed this!!! You are so right, and to lesson his schedule for him must be appreciated very much?! You are a wonderful, very nice, very giving person, Deb!!!

I consider myself lucky to have you as a friend!!!

Be well, my Friend, be well!!!
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Anon_953 replied to dem16's response:
Debbie: It's wonderful that through your difficulties, you are able to think of him and to be compassionate toward him. That says some wonderful things about you -- especially that you can empathize and have compassion.

That said, I also think it's important that you take care of yourself... that everyone takes care of themselves in addition to caring about others. Part of the job of a therapist is being able to balance their own needs and the needs of those they help. So, generally speaking, it is important for people to let their therapist know what's going on with them -- including their own struggles and their concern for their therapists. This way they can work together to make sure that both of their needs are being respected. Also, it is part of a therapist's job to help people through this sometimes difficult balance. In other words, people don't need to forego their own needs to care for their therapists.
 
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dem16 replied to Anon_953's response:
I know he is and he is doing his job. but in all the time i have been in treatment, this is the first time i have been truly heard and for that i am doing better then i ever done. if there were a few more like him we would be better off. but i dont know from one day to the next when it will be over.,i have a questtion.not complaining just wondering why is your signature like that?
 
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dem16 responded:
i,have seen so much through the mental health system. all not good, i even been emotionally abused by them. there are a handful of good people left because they did agree with the system. people that could have made a dofference in our lives. he was there when i needed it. he didnt turn is back on me like the other one did.,this was just my,way of saying thanks to him


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