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Depression from Being Single and don't know what to do about it.
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eagleboy7678 posted:
I believe this is more for the coping side of this thread. I am 22 years old on my last year of college for my bachelors degree. I am having a real issue with dealing with being single and a virgin. I am tired of it. I don't feel like I am bad looking guy, just I have a few extra pounds on me. Honestly, I have seen people who look worse then me get someone. I have always wanted to have sex, and I believe I am a person with a high sex drive. I have been working out and loosing weight, to try and boost my confidence but it doesn't seem to do anything for me. Honestly, I'm tired of being in college single and alone. I have been there for 4 years and I am tired of hearing that people have had sex, I'm tired of hearing people having sex (open windows ). I have heard drunken encounters, hook ups one night stands, people who have sex more then a lot of times. I had one friend who slept with a guy just because he wanted to loose his virginity. (Now she has a boyfriend, so don't say go and ask her!). I even had two friends who are girls who just had a threesome with someone, (also they are seeing someone). You know, I'm just tired of it. I want that, I want a relationship. I am a very active person and go out and do a lot of things on college, go to bars, and clubs. But at the same time, I don't want to be stuck with the first person who talks to me. I almost feel like casual dating or something. People have said that they could hook me up with someone, but they never pull through for me and most of the time, they are just fat not good looking people. I don't really believe in one night stands. I believe I am better then that. But honestly I am almost considering it cause I hate my whole singleness. People have said I need to loose my virginity so I can calm down and stop worrying, whether or not that can help me or not, I don't know truthfully. People say just enjoy college, but I find it hard to with all this going on, and with the feeling of not being needed by any woman. I have tired online dating, but all that has given me is false hope, cam models, and scammers. I have tired various sites as well, free and paid alike. People have also told me, to stop looking and they will come or that it is just not my time. I think that is Bull. How can I stop looking for what I really want? I just can't stop! and it is really affecting my life.


Don't think this is only about sex, that is only part of it, it is really the whole package. Honestly I don't think there is any better way of posting this without me sounding like a tool, or a sleazy person who is only after one thing.


I guess what I just want to know is what can I do? How can I enjoy college with having to deal with all this? Honestly I just don't know what to do.
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Hi, eagleboy. I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated. For many who have sex just to have sex or because they feel lonely, the result is that they don't feel any better or even feel worse emotionally. Having sex can be physically pleasurable, but it simply won't be an adequate substitute for a relationship. So, it's good that you are aware that you really want the "whole package." Have you met girls whom you've liked? Have you tried to get to know them? Asked them out? If yes, what happened?

I do hope that, while you are working this issue out, you have been enjoying college, too. There is so much to enjoy that it would be a shame for you to have everything overshadowed by this.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi again Eagleboy,

I feel just like Dr. Leslie, i hope this is not so overbearing on you that you miss the joy of college?! You say you are doing the college scene, does this not give you any enjoyment, no friendships started, or ongoing? I missed out on all of that, i joined the Army at 17, stayed in 7 years, then followed the money and now, i am crippled up and no longer care! But you?

I find this hard to believe? You say you feel like you are fairly good looking, working out to improve the health and profile? Doing all these things, and yet not one girl likes you? Are you talking to them? If yes, do you try to find common things you both like? Are you putting your "Rambo Attitude" out there? I mean walking the walk, talking the talk? Women do like a man who exudes confidence!

The weather is getting warmer by the day, use that to an advantage. Wear a muscle shirt, or no shirt at all, stand where everyone can see you, and start flexing those muscles, only don't make it look obvious?! Even if your muscles lack definement, the girls will notice! Keep going to that gym, or find one where more women go? Try a Yoga class?

When i was 17/18, my buddies would get so mad at me, i always had a girlfriend, many different ladies, and it made them jealous!!! Know what i did? I put myself out there where the ladies were! At this time, Disco was the thing! So, i learned a few moves, and went to a disco! The very first time, women were falling over each other to dance with me, i was the only white guy there! My buddies, when i told them my secret, absolutely refused to go Disco dancing, they were hard core rockers, rockers without girlfriends! LOL!!!

That was my "Secret"? No secret, put yourself where the ladies are! If you plant yourself there, they will come!!!

I hope this helps?!!!

Let us know how things are going for you, there is no shame in this game!!! Best of luck to you!!!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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