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Ex-girlfriend that doesn't go away!!
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emcd87 posted:
This is my first time using any kind of forum to look for some answers. I do believe I will get good advise here.
So, I am in a complicated relationship with my ex boyfriend at the moment. We both want to be together but his ex-girlfriend does not want to go away! She once tried to commit suicide by OD on sleeping pills...I believe they were together at the time (we had broken up.) She basically told him that she tried to kill herself because he was going to break-up with her. He felt really bad and decided to stay with her. Now neither of them is happy with the "relationship" they have. He knows he doesn't want to be with her and she knows she is not happy. He has tried everything to end the relationship many times. He has treated her as bad as he could, explained to her that he does not want to be with her anymore, asked her how she can be with someone who does not make her happy and is not happy being with her....every trick in the book...but she starts crying, becomes hysterical and reverts back to reminding him of what she was going to do if he left her. I think she is obsessed and needs help. This is really taking a toll on his life and emotions. He feels trapped because if she does something stupid, he doesn't want to feel responsible. We have known each other for 6 years and are very close. I care a lot for him as he does for me. I want to help him find a solution because I can see that he is not as happy and full of life as he used to be.
Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks beforehand!
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darlyn05 responded:
[TRIGGER] How old are you and your ex-BF? Are you certain he is being honest about not wanting to be with his ex/current GF?

My daughter had an experience exactly like this when she was like 19yo or 20yo. I'll explain at the end. On the lefthand side of this page you will see blue lettered tabs that you can click on for further information. Click on the "Crisis Assistance" tab. I have copied and pasted below. Give this information to him. He first should contact an authority concerning suicide to inform them of his ex/current GF behaviors. And inform the police, and of course any of her family if he is able. He should follow their insight and instructions. This may also include some brief counseling for himself, and then he should leave. If his story is true, he needs to understand that his ex/current GF has a deeper level of issues that is not related to his leaving and he is not responsible for those issues.
Suicide Hotline Numbers"If you are thinking about suicide... Read this first" : from Metanoia.org


It's best that your ex-BF be the one to do anything about his situation. And you just be the messanger for any helpful thoughts as a friend, not a girlfriend with the idea of that the two of you are meant to be or "are", for lack of a better term.

Now, my daughter and one of her old BF's went through this exact thing. We did not have the necessary information as I listed above for you, and no one took him seriously. He killed himself. Right under our noses. I liked him, we got along, he lived with us briefly, my daughter just didn't want to be with him any longer as a GF. Unknowingly of how serious he was about the situation and lack of helpful necessary information concerning this, his last conversation he ever had was not helpful. Regardless that it was about how good of a person he was, and don't let what other people are doing get him down, and he will feel better and move on from the break up in time, don't let his hurt take over the rational part of him and his mind. He too had mentioned suicide prior to actually following through with it. So if someone mentions suicide it shouldn't be discounted or ignored with the idea that since they are mentioning it they are not serious about it. An authority organization needs to be involved. We are powerless. To think we can handle the situation without some authority intervention can be a killer.

Hope this was helpful.
 
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cjh1203 responded:
Here's an article that might help.

Your ex can't allow his girlfriend to blackmail him into staying. He needs to break up with her for good, but also try to get her some help in case she's serious. Darlyn gave you lots of good resources and, after he's broken up with her, he could call one of them or call her parents and let them know what she said.

He might also call one of the places Darlyn listed before he breaks up with her, to see if they can give him some advice, since she OD'd because of him before.

At the end of the day, he isn't responsible for her choices. If he is gentle and straightforward in breaking up with her, and tries to get some help for her, that's all anyone can do.
 
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emcd87 replied to cjh1203's response:
Thank you very much for your comments and infornation. They have been very helpful and I will take them into account very seriously. I will talk to him and give him this information. I am sure he will find it very helpful.
 
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emcd87 replied to darlyn05's response:
Thank you for your information and resources. I will make sure to give this information to him. I am sorry to hear about your daughter's bf. But at least you have given me the information you were not aware of during your situation and hopefully there will be a better outcome. I am 23 and he is 22. His ex is 20 I believe.


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