I have been dating a married man for 5 years I have since gotten divorced . He still lives with his wife and insists he sleeps on the sofa for the past 8 years. I have a hard time believing this since I'm not there. He keeps telling me he is leaving as they all do but he comes up with another excuse why he can't. I told him I'm sick of it and he asures me he is leaving. Is there anyone else out there in the same situation?
This is the life of a woman having an affair with a married man. If you're unhappy, imagine how his wife will feel when she finds out about you.
I think you'll find that a lot of the people who post here have been cheated on, including me, so you're probably not going to get a lot of sympathy, or supportive advice about how to get your married lover to get rid of his wife. Sorry.
So it's clear he's not leaving her. Where does that leave you? Sounds like it's ultimatum time.
Raise your standards and find a man of your own.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Thanks for your Reply!
People can't help who they love. Or when they're ready to move on.
I don't know that I would believe he's slept on the couch for 8 years. Any more than I would really believe she doesn't already know about you. Especially if he HAS been sleeping on the couch for the past 8 years.
It's very possible he has good reasons for not being able to, not wanting to, or not being willing to leave her.
But, he is being unfair to everyone involved - especially if there are children involved - to keep this up. He is leading you on and lying to you. He is leading her on and lying to her.
I'm not a fan of ultimatums. They're too likely to come back and bite you in the butt. You've invested a lot of your time and energy into this man and this relationship. And let a relationship of your own go. Perhaps it's time to let another relationship go - the one with him. Sometimes we have to be selfish. No matter how much you love him, you can't be happy with the situation the way it is, and even if you do issue an ultimatum and he leaves her, he will likely blame and resent you for all the trouble and strife that ensues. Who would want that?
I am living with a man that I have been with for a little over a year and he to is married, but he did leave his wife for me after nine months. But I can tell you that after 8 months together I had decided that if he wasn't willing to leave his wife really soon that I was going to end the relationship because they can come up with so many excuses and it is just not worth the stress emotionally and otherwise that we go through. I would say that after him saying that for 5 years that he has no plans of leaving his wife and I know that it is hard to hear and it hurts, but please don't submit yourself and waste your life on someone that is not willing to put you first. My boyfriend too would say that he was sleeping on the couch and not with his wife, but I finally met his mother and was able to confirm that what he had said was true and he was completely honest with me. But seriously don't put your life on hold for someone that is not willing to leave his wife and move on with you. Good luck!
My dad left my mom for his mistress of 5 years only after she divorced her own husband. My mom and dad were married almost 20 years and she was never the same after the divorce. This is probably the exception to the rule of "you can get whatever you want if you twist the screws tight enough." Apparently she gave my dad an ultimatum, and he took the bait. After they were married he wisely got a vasectomy so there wouldn't be any children born of the marriage that were HIS.
Okay, Anon_238121, I will tell you the truth end this relationship and move on. If he would cheat on his wife with you; what will he do to you once your together? This guy is enjoying the best of both worlds, a wife and a mistress. Stop fooling yourself, kid! Five years of your life has been invested in a fanasty that you let this guy create for you. Do you want to wake up ten, twenty or even thirty years from now, regreting what you could have had by staying in this destructive relationship? You know deep in your heart you know that he will never leave his wife that is a investment for him your just excitement on the side. Make a clean broke, no calls, no texts, no nothing take time to nuture yourself then start re-establishing friendships, family relationships and start going out in the world. There are hobbies, events and places you have wanted to experience but you invested that time in a relationship, as you called itthat has taen you no where fast. It's time to start a new chapter for yourself. If your still thinking that he is the one, remember that you can do bad all by yourself. You just invested yourself in a situation that was based on borrow time, stolen money and another's loving. Get your act together so you can have all of the next guy's time, invested in you, and all of his love centered on you.
Could not agree any more with what Tangomomma said., The amoont of energy this guy must be using to deceive his spouse always comes back to bite him. What happens to you if you were together and he meets some one youinger & more attractive (in his mind) than you? Would you like to be on the receivng end of this pain? I know it will not happen because....... Wake up and believe that if he has done this to his current spouse, what would make you beleve it will not happen to you also? Been there, done this and paid a huge price .
I will never understand what goes through a womans/mans head when they have an affair or are involved in one, its disrespectful to say the least, and very selfish.
And yet they think, "Once he leaves his wife , we will go live happily ever after".....how can you possibly think that?? Good things hardly ever await you after you rip a family apart. KWIM?? With soo many single men/woman out there, why choose a married person?? I dont want to hear, "Oh it wasnt on purpose it just happened, I cant help who I love" thats pure nonsense. You have a choice not to get close enough to love someone, you have a choice not to get involved on that level. Hell I love me some T.I but you dont see me ruining my relationship over it....(yes that was a little dramatic...LOL) but still stands. Why would you want to be some cheap piece on the side, no matter what way you slice it....Problem is people use excuses to justify their actions to make this feel better. When really there isnt one.
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